The Destructions of Zangetsu's Poles
by Kuro-Hollow-Neko
Summary: Hichigo wants to destory Zangetsu's pole, and Ichigo agrees to help. However, this idea turns out worse than expected, with a really annoyed Zangetsu... And other stories involving Zangetsu's poles being destoryed. NO YAOI!
1. First Pole

Hello! I'd like to add that this fic was originally a one-shot, but was changed to a series due to the good response that it was given. The fic is now being checked over, and it originally was K+, but is now T due to swearing (that was censored) and other things (such as nudity). This message will go away when it's finished.

_This is Ichigo's thoughts, directed at Zangetsu, and his hollow, who is called Hichigo in this fic. _

I don't own Bleach.

* * *

><p>Hichigo was bored. As per usual. He looked over at Zangetsu. He was standing on his pole. As per usual. Hichigo once again wondered why Zangetsu didn't think he was emo.<p>

Then Hichigo got an idea.

Probably the best idea he ever had.

"Hey, ZanZan!" He shouted next to Zangetsu.

"WHAT?"

"I want you take a look at something!" the hollow said excitedly.

"No, go away." Zangetsu said, annoyed.

"Aww, why not?" Hichigo pouted.

"Because, if you're involved, there's always trouble."

"But it's not like you're doing anything else, but look emo."

Zangetsu sighed. "Why does everybody think I'm emo?"

_Because, you hardly show any emotion, you have that black cape of yours, YOU'RE DEPRESSING, and you randomly stand on that pole and do nothing. _Ichigo thought.

"Ha!" Hichigo exclaimed. "King agrees with me!"

_That's a first._

"What is?"

_Agreeing with you._

"Because, you're always angry with a frown on your face!"

_And you're an insane person._

"… That's mean, King." Hichigo whined. "ZanZan, King insulted me!"

"And you deserved it." Zangetsu snapped.

_Anyway, Zangetsu, just see what it is. _Ichigo thought. _Knowing him, he'll go on over about it until you actually look at it._

"…Fine." Zangetsu finally said.

When Zangetsu stepped off his pole, Hichigo's face turned into that trademark grin of his.

"This is what you were annoying me about?" Zangetsu gestured towards the picture.

"Yesssss!" Hichigo said.

_What is it? _Ichigo asked with an annoyed tone.

"It's a badly drawn picture of him as a stick figure destroying my pole and taking over your body." Zangetsu replied. "…With lots of blood."

…_Should have guessed. _Ichigo thought.

"I'm going back to my pole," Zangetsu said, walking back.

Hichigo then waited for a while after Zangetsu's back was turned, then he hit the sword with the non-sharp bit of his own white Zangetsu.

This caused Zangetsu to fall down, unconscious.

_Hichigo! _Ichigo exclaimed. _What are you going to do to him?_

"I'm going to destroy his old man emo pole!" the hollow declared, with his crazy look in his eyes.

… _Can I join in too?_ Ichigo asked.

"… If you take back what you said before!" Hichigo declared.

_About how insane you are?_

"Yep,"

_Okay. _Ichigo sighed. _… I'm sorry for calling you insane._

"And?

_I'll never call you it again, and I'm thankful for you being my horse._

"…Fine."

_Thanks._

Ichigo then appeared in front of Hichigo, with some rope.

"Let's tie him up!" he said.

* * *

><p>When they bound up the poor old man, Ichigo remarked, "This reminds me of the time when we fought Zangetsu and Muramasa."<p>

"I'd never thought that I'll work together with a grumpy person like you," Hichigo said, disgusted with himself.

"I'd never thought that I'll work together with a twisted, freaky person like you." Ichigo said back.

"Take that back!" Hichigo shouted.

"No."

"NOW!"

"No."

"You're being mean again!"

"You started it."

"How?"

"You insulted me first."

"You started to have weird flashbacks!"

"Whatever… Just carry him over to his pole."

"Why do I have to carry him?"

"Because you're the one who knocked him out!" Ichigo then added, "And you're the horse."

Hichigo then thought for a while. "Why do we have to carry his body over there?" He asked.

"So we can see his reaction when he wakes up, and to make sure he doesn't get out of it." Ichigo replied.

Hichigo then realized. "Hey, King. Aren't you meant to be in school right now?"

"Yeah, but this is an once-in-a-lifetime event. I'll be kicking myself right now if I missed it."

The hollow just grinned.

* * *

><p>*In the real world*<p>

The nurse just sighed seeing Ichigo's body being brought in unconscious.

"How does he manage to collapse so many times during this year?" She said loud.

Chad just said nothing.

* * *

><p>*back to Ichigo's inner world*<p>

When they arrived at the pole, and put Zangetsu down, they wondered how to destroy the pole. Ichigo was saying just to cut it with their swords, but Hichigo thought they should use a more brutal approach.

"Nooooooo!" the hollow screeched.

"Fine… How about we melt it?" Ichigo suggested.

"It'll take too long!" Hichigo whined.

"Freeze it then break it up?"

"Nooooo! Something else! Like a bomb!"

"No! If you and Zangetsu arguing gives me a headache, then what will a bomb do? We could burn it?"

"… Maybe."

"…"

Hichigo then poked Ichigo. "Hey, Kkkiiinnnggg." Hichigo said.

He then kept on poking Ichigo's arm "King!" Hichigo shouted.

"WHAT?"

"Thought of anything yet?"

"No, because SOMEONES POKING MY ARM!"

"Because you were doing what ZanZan normally does when he stands on his old man emo pole," Hichigo whined.

"…"

"How are we going to destroy it, Kiiinnng?"

"… Acid?"

Hichigo's yellow eyes lit up. "Yessss!"

"Errr, but how are we going to get some?" Ichigo asked.

"I don't know!" Hichigo exclaimed. "You're the one who brought it up!"

"Hmm…" Ichigo thought. "I'm going to the outer world to think of something up. You stay here and guard Zangetsu, and don't try to do any funny stuff. Okay?"

Then Ichigo was conscious.

He started to head for the door out of the nurse's office, until he heard the nurse's annoyed voice say, "Kurosaki Ichigo."

Ichigo suddenly turned around and said, "Yes, ma-am?"

"You have been constantly collapsing throughout these last few weeks. And, I hear that you have been skipping class a lot these past few months." The nurse was glaring at him, from across the room. "If I EVER catch you skipping class, or you come here unconscious again, I WILL report you to the principal, is that clear?"

Ichigo said in a small voice. "Yes ma-am."

He thought, _she's almost as scary as that damn bastard Zaraki… and Hichigo, when he's not the usual stupid person he normally is._

Hichigo whined in Ichigo's inner world.

Ichigo went back to class. When he was half listening to the teacher, he thought of how to get the acid. Then he had an idea. He told his inner hollow that he'd get it after school, and this caused a lot of complaints.

* * *

><p>When he and Rukia were walking back home, he said, "Rukia, I need to go to the soul society."<p>

Rukia was surprised. "Why do you need to go there?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Well… I've got a problem that has to do with my hollow and zanpukuto, and there's somebody that I need to make something for me."

"Who do you need, and what do you need?" Rukia asked.

"I need someone from Squad 12 to make an acid that only corrodes metal."

Rukia raised an eyebrow at him.

"Why do you need acid?"

"You know how I told you before how Zangetsu stands on his 'old man emo pole'?"

"Yeah…?"

"Well, Hichigo got an idea to destroy his pole, and I suggested acid, and said that I'll also get it."

"…Why are you working together, with your hollow?"

Ichigo shrugged. "Maybe because Zangetsu just looks too depressing just standing on his pole."

Rukia sighed "… Okay, I'll get you to the soul society, and I'll help you with asking."

"Thanks, Rukia."

A few minutes later, they were in the soul society, and were standing in front of the Squad 12 barracks.

Ichigo then followed his short friend towards the barracks.

Someone came out of the barracks and greeted them.

"Please state your names and your business here," he said.

"Kuchiki Rukia from Squad 13, and the Substitute Shinigami, Kurosaki Ichigo. We're come for acid."

He looked at them questionably. "Why do you need acid?"

Ichigo sighed. "It's a long story."

The shinigami frowned. "Did you order it before or?"

"No, we're just come to ask for it." Rukia said.

"What do you need it to do?"

"We need it to destroy a metal pole." Ichigo said.

The shinigami gave him a quizzical look. "Why?"

"I told you, it's a long story."

"We'll need you to speak to the captain," the shinigami said.

"Why do we have to talk to Captain Kurosuchi?" Ichigo asked.

"Right now, we don't have anything that does that,"

"But, can't you just tell you just tell him?" Rukia asked.

"You'll need to explain the situation to him; otherwise he won't make it, because he's just that stubborn." The shinigami then went back into the barracks. "Follow me."

Ichigo and Rukia followed him though the barracks.

"Don't annoy Captain Kurosuchi, Ichigo," Rukia said sternly.

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "That'll be hard for me, but I'll try,"

"Now, what does these two want to with me?" Kurosuchi asked.

"Um… I need to make a type of acid for me," Ichigo said.

Kurosuchi looked at him. "What type?"

"…One that only destroys metal."

"Now, why would you need that for?"

"Well…" Ichigo took a deep breath. "You see, my zanpukuto tends to stand on a metal pole in my inner world, and my hollow knocked him out and decided to destroy this pole."

"And you agreed to help him?" Kurosuchi broke in.

"… Yes,"

"How did you come to the conclusion to destroy it with acid?"

"Well, the other options didn't work well with Hichigo, and bombs didn't go down well with me,"

"I see…" Kurosuchi then called, "Nemu! Get me what the boy asks for!"

"Yes, sir," Nemu walked off.

Ichigo looked surprised. "You're… giving me it?"

"Yes… But in return you must do something for me…"

* * *

><p>Ichigo returned to his inner world, grumbling.<p>

"What happened, King?" Hichigo asked.

"That damn Kurosuchi did a bunch of tests on me in return for that damn acid," Ichigo said.

Hichigo's eyes lit up. "So you got it?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said and showed him the beaker with sky blue liquid in it.

Hichigo looked at it, disappointed.

"Don't make that face," Ichigo snapped. "Is Zangetsu still unconscious?"

"Yeah," Hichigo pointed towards the sword.

"Alright, let's see this works," Ichigo poured the liquid on top of the pole.

As the liquid touched the pole, the metal started to disintegrate.

"IT WORKS! IT WORKS!" Hichigo shouted. "Hahahaha! Die you stupid pole!" He started run around what was left of the pole and he was crackling like mad.

"… You're the stupid one talking to a pole, and reacting this way just because a pole is disintegrating…" Ichigo muttered.

Finally the pole was gone.

"… Awwww," Hichigo whined. "It's gone… That was too quick…"

Zangetsu woke up. The last thing he remembered was being annoyed that Ichigo's hollow dragged him off his pole to make him see that worthless drawing. Then he realized that he was tied up. And Ichigo was also here with his hollow.

"Ichigo," Zangetsu said. "Aren't you meant to be in class?"

The hollow looked over at him and gave him his trademark grin.

"ZanZan!" he shouted excitedly. "You're awake!"

"You insufferable fool! You're the one who knocked me out!" Zangetsu shouted, annoyed again. "Why am I tied up?"

"Well…" Ichigo started. "Zangetsu…"

"We destroyed your pole!" Hichigo shouted, once again excitedly.

"…What…" Zangetsu started. "YOU TWO RETARDS! HOW DID YOU DESTROY MY POLE?"

Hichigo grinned. "With acid."

Zangetsu looked pissed. His face was red with anger. He was trying desperately to get out of the ropes tied around him. Ichigo and his hollow suddenly looked scared.

"I'm gonna get out of here!" and Ichigo disappeared.

"Wait, King!" Hichigo franticly shouted. "You can't leave me here with him!"

_You're the one who thought this up! _Ichigo thought.

"I'LL GET YOU TOO FOR THIS, ICHIGO!" Zangetsu roared.

_What else could I do? _Ichigo asked. _You know how much I hate you stand that old man emo pole for ages. _

"IT DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO DESTROY IT!" Zangetsu roared again.

Meanwhile, Hichigo was sprinting for his life across Ichigo's inner world, as fast as he possibly could. Then he saw the old man's angry figure up ahead.

"…What the…?" Hichigo said.

The ropes seemed to have broken before Hichigo came back around, and the very pissed old man just looked at Hichigo.

The hollow just gave him one look of terror, then sprinted back the way he came, shouting, "I hate you Ichigo! He's now going to kill me! Save me!"

There was no reply from Ichigo.

"Ichigo, I'm your loyal horse, SAVE ME!"

There was still no reply.

Hichigo then realized that he was actually faster than Zangetsu, and therefore he would have a big advantage over him. He turned around, faced Zangetsu and whipped out his white duplicate sword, ready to fight.

… This was a bad idea.

* * *

><p>…A few days later.<p>

Zangetsu was standing on his old man emo pole. As per usual. He managed to reform it again after calming down. Hichigo was bored. As per usual. But he was stuck with Ichigo, locked in the side of one of the buildings, unable to get out. The room had been used before when Hichigo was locked in there for being annoying as usual (Ichigo didn't know about this room), so it was reinforced so even with a sword, he couldn't get out.

Ichigo's body in the real world lay in a hospital, people claiming he was in a coma.

It was a full month before they were allowed out. They both had busies from fighting each other, and they hated each other even more. (No, for whoever is reading this, they did not do any yaoi stuff.)

"I knew it was a bad idea," Rukia told Ichigo when he finally returned back to the real world.

"Shut up," Ichigo muttered.


	2. Rukia, Meet Hichigo

Contains content from Fairy Tail, but it's only for one very small bit, don't worry, you don't have to watch it. Nor do I have anything against homosexual people, it's just Ichigo wouldn't approve of being called it.

I don't own Bleach.

* * *

><p>Ichigo was in a coma, again. A lot of people were half worried, half not, because of what happened before with Zangetsu's pole. However, Urahara had an idea. He made some little gadget that allowed people to visit other people's inner world.<p>

"Now, Kuchiki-san, will you go into Kurosaki-san's inner world?" Urahara asked. "I assume that why he is kept there is because of his Zanpuckto, like last time. I want you to investigate why, since out of us you're the person who knows him best, and can convince him the best."

Rukia hated Urahara for giving her this task. But she did it anyway.

* * *

><p>When she was in Ichigo's mind, she gasped at the scenery. It consisted of wacked up buildings, and weird gravity. The next thing she saw, annoyed her. Ichigo was there, lying down on the ground. That bastard! She was about to stomp over to him, and whack him over the head, until she saw the person next to him. A white duplicate of Ichigo. His hollow.<p>

Hichigo was crouched next to him, poked Ichigo's arm and said, "Kkkiiinnnggg."

Having no response from him, Hichigo kept on poking Ichigo's arm, and shouted, "King!"

Ichigo abruptly sat up and snapped. "WHAT?"

"I'm bored, King," Hichigo said.

"I don't care, you stupid, annoying hollow!" Ichigo shouted. "You're always bored, that's why I've been stuck here the past few days, because Zangetsu can't put up with you!"

"You insulted me again, King!" Hichigo whined. "Stop being so mean!"

"I can do whatever I want," Ichigo said, while lying back down.

Hichigo pouted and looked around the room, looking for something to do. Then he spotted Rukia.

The albino poked the Ichigo's arm and said, "Kkkiiinnnggg."

Rukia sighed. Was this the twisted hollow that haunted Ichigo?

Having no response from him again, Hichigo kept on poking Ichigo's arm, and shouted, "King!"

Ichigo abruptly sat up and snapped. "WHAT DO YOU WANT NOW?"

"You've got a visitor," Hichigo pointed out.

"Oh. Wait, what?" the spiky head asked, bewildered.

Hichigo stretched out a long white finger, and pointed where a very cross Rukia was standing.

"Rukia," Ichigo said.

Abruptly, Rukia shunpoed over to Ichigo was sitting, and smashed her fist on Ichigo's head.

"You idiot!" Rukia shouted. "You've been unconscious for days, but right now, you're just sitting there! Get your lazy butt out of here!"

"Oww!" Ichigo stood up, snapped at Rukia and pointed a finger at his hollow. "It's his entire fault! He's been driving Zangetsu insane for days, and now I have to take care of him!"

Hichigo stepped between both of the shinigamis, and faced Rukia. "Hey! Annoying and fighting King is my responsibility!" and kicked his master in the shin.

"Oww! What was that for?" Ichigo bellowed at Hichigo while clutching his leg.

"For insulting me again!" Hichigo snarled back.

Knowing that the debate would go on for ages, Rukia had an idea, and she remembered that the hollow liked to fight. Luckily, Urahara made an upgrade on it, so it would work.

"If someone fought you, and won," she said to Hichigo. "Would you allow Ichigo to return to the normal world?"

Ichigo and his other raised an eyebrow.

"I'm not fighting him again," the both said in unison, and pointed at each other.

Rukia sighed. "Ichigo, you're not fighting him,"

Ichigo's eyes widened. "You can't fight him, Rukia,"

"And I'm not going to," she said while receiving strange looks from both of the guys.

"Can you show me where your Zanpuckto is, Ichigo?" The raven haired girl asked.

Ichigo frowned (harder). "He won't fight for you,"

"No, I just need to give him this," Rukia held out a small pill, and Ichigo realized what it was.

"Hey, King, what is that?" Hichigo asked.

Ichigo grinned. "You'll see."

* * *

><p>They arrived where Zangetsu was, standing on his old man emo pole.<p>

Rukia whispered to Ichigo, "How will I give this to him?"

"Leave it to me," Ichigo whispered back. Ichigo didn't think Rukia's plan would work, but it was worth a try.

He got the pill from Rukia, and went over to Zangetsu.

"Look, Zangetsu!" Ichigo exclaimed, pointing at the pole. "Your pole's corroding!"

Zangetsu's jaw dropped, and before he could look down to check if the pole was actually corroding, with great accurately, Ichigo threw the pill into Zangetsu's mouth.

Ichigo and Rukia first thought it didn't work, because Zangetsu was just standing there. At this point, the hollow was quite confused.

Then "Zangetsu" said. "Where am I, byon?"

Ichigo just burst into laughter. It was Chappy, the gikongan. Plus, it was in control of his emo sword. Ichigo didn't know why it was, but frankly, he didn't care at the moment. He was too busy trying to breathe after too much laughter.

Chappy saw Ichigo, ran over to him, and before Ichigo could react, flattened him, sat on his back, and started to pull Ichigo's arm.

"The arm is making a "byon" sound-~" Chappy sung.

"Ouuuuuucccch!" Ichigo cried.

Hichigo looked at Rukia in terror. "What did you do to ZanZan!"

"I gave him a gikongan," Rukia said.

Hichigo grabbed Rukia by her uniform, and screeched, "Turn ZanZan back!"

"Chappy," Rukia said. "Your target is the white man in front of me, not Ichigo. Release him, and attack this man,"

"Yessuu~!" "Zangetsu" cried, while releasing a half dead Ichigo, and started running after the hollow.

"No!" Hichigo cried. "No, ZanZan, No!"

"Stop and stay still, byon!" Chappy shouted.

"Bankai!" Hichigo shouted. He then ran towards Chappy, thinking this would give him the upper hand.

Chappy made Zangetsu's sword appear, and shouted, "Bankai, byon!"

Ichigo said to Rukia, "Why is Chappy able to use Zangetsu's body, and why is it able to use his Bankai?"

"Urahara made these changes to this Chappy," Rukia said, smirking at the sight. "Though at first I didn't think I'll use it,"

"I'll probably be borrowing it afterwards," Ichigo remarked, watching the now Tenza Zangetsu Chappy running after Hichigo. Ichigo burst out laughing again.

"You will want to stay still if you don't want to die, byon~" Chappy threatened.

"No, I don't want to die!" Hichigo shouted. "But I don't want to lose ether! King, help me!"

"Deja-vu! Well, not quite," Ichigo remarked.

"I don't care if it's Deyavo!" Hichigo shouted back. "Just do something about ZanZan!"

Ichigo shook his head. "Sorry, you accepted the deal, I can't interfere,"

"Damn you, partner!" The hollow shouted back.

Then Hichigo turned around and shouted, "Getsuga Tenshou!" The sword beam cut deeply into Chappy's right shoulder. Afterwards, Hichigo regretted cutting Chappy.

Chappy looked at the fresh wound, and its eyes widened. "You will die now, byon.~" "Tenza Zangetsu" pulled his arm back and screamed, "Getsuga Tenshou!" Black reiatsu engulfed the surprised hollow. When it cleared, Hichigo was on the ground, badly burnt, and twitching.

"Hey, where's Zangetsu's pole?" Ichigo asked, looking around. Chappy's Getsuga Tenshou had destroyed Zangetsu's pole... Completely.

"Just say that he destroyed it himself," Rukia suggested.

"True," Ichigo said.

Rukia pulled out her glove, walked over to Chappy and got out the gikongan from Tenza Zangetsu.

"Why am I in Bankai?" Tenza asked when he had regained control. "And why is Hichigo on the ground, twitching? And what did you give me?"

"Ummm..." Ichigo was trying to think of an explanation.

"We were testing out one of Urahara's experiments of Zanpuckto on you," Rukia said. "We didn't think you would accept, because it made you lose control of yourself,"

Tenza Zangetsu raised an eyebrow. "Really."

"Yes," Rukia said.

Tenza glared at her and Ichigo, and said, "Do not perform anymore experiments without my permission."

"Uh... yes," Ichigo nodded. "I won't do any more experiments on you again,"

Zangetsu changed back to Shikai form, and then realized that the pole was missing.

"I destroyed my pole, when you drugged me before, didn't I?" Zangetsu said sadly.

"Oh, yeah," Ichigo said.

A tear rolled off Zangetsu's cheek.

"Eh, ossan?" Ichigo was shocked. Zangetsu was crying. Sobbing noises came from Zangetsu.

"Why did I have to break my pole?" He wailed.

Hichigo was still out cold. Rukia frowned at the crying Zanpuckto, and Ichigo had no idea what to do. The substitute shinigami decided to (wether he liked it or not) help his hollow. Because Hichigo was knocked out, he had returned to his normal state (non Bankai state). Ichigo left him, because he knew that his hollow wouldn't die that easily, because of the annoying bastard he is. Zangetsu got over his whining phrase, and joined Ichigo.

"He won't die that easily," Zangetsu said. Then he looked at Ichigo in shock. "You're having a relationship with your hollow?"

Ichigo fumed. "How did you come to that conclusion?" He sputtered.

Zangetsu raised an eyebrow. "So you are!"

"No, I'm not!" Ichigo shouted again.

"You haven't denied it yet, Ichigo," Rukia pointed out.

"Rukia!" He groaned. "Not you too!"

"You lllllllike him!" Rukia rolled.

"I do not!" Ichigo was starting to get really annoyed.

"He hasn't denied that he isn't gay yet!" Rukia pointed out. "No wonder why you haven't made a move on any of the girls surrounding you!"

"I AM NOT GAY!" Ichigo shouted.

"Fine," Rukia said. "Can we get out of here now?"

"Eh ? Oh, yeah," Ichigo said. "Zangetsu, I'm going now. You take care of Hichigo when he wakes up, okay?"

"Yes," Zangetsu said.

* * *

><p>*A day later*<p>

During class, Ichigo was trying to pay attention to the teacher, when Hichigo woke up.  
>Zangetsu managed to find another pole, and was standing on it when Hichigo opened his eyes.<br>Ichigo nearly thumped his head on the desk, when he heard the hollow shout, "Ahhh! No! Stay away from me, you evil ZanZan!"

"It's okay, I'm not going to hurt you," Zangetsu coaxed.

"King! Kiiinnng! Why did you turn ZanZan evil?"

"I'm not going to hurt you,"

"Like hell you aren't!"

Ichigo had to dash out of the room, and shut up his hollow.

Afterwards, Rukia understood how insane Ichigo's hollow was, but now Rukia had the ability to tease Ichigo that his hollow was very childish, and completely crazy.


	3. Lack of Candy Equals Alexander and Karma

Sorry dromna lord, I kinda already had a plan for the next chapter, but your suggestion has been noted! Later on, I may use your idea, but seeing as this is the third chapter, I have to stick to what was planned. I liked the reviews that I got pretty much right after I submitted the last chapter, keep it up! I also need suggestions for pole destroying. Make it as weird as possible, but I'll accept anything. However, I may not be able to use people's suggestions… (Sorry!) Can I remind people that this fic contains swearing? Yup.

I do not own Bleach. If I did, it would have bonus stories like this, and it would have WAY more Hichigo and Zangetsu. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>"ZanZan!" Hichigo shouted.<p>

"WHAT!" Zangetsu bellowed back. "And don't call me 'ZanZan'!"

"Fine then, Onee-chan!" Hichigo said.

Zangetsu fumed, and said, "I'm not a girl, nor am I related to you!"

"But we were made from the same person, Onii-chan!" Hichigo pointed out.

"… I don't care. I'm not related to a spastic albino like you. And don't add "chan" to the end!"

Hichigo stuck his tongue out at Zangetsu, and whined, "Meanie ZanZan!"

Zangetsu sighed, and didn't bother to argue anymore, and said, "What do want?"

"What? Oh, yeah! I'm bored, ZanZan!"

"You're always bored!" Zangetsu groaned. "Go, and annoy Ichigo!"

"I did before, but he threated to take away my candy stash!" Hichigo whined.

Zangetsu frowned at the hollow from his usual stop, the top of his old man emo pole, and said, "You have a candy stash?"

"Yeah! That's why I'm so hyper all the time!"

Zangetsu made sure to note this down for later revenge.

"… You know, I found this REALLY good candy the other day," the zanpuckto said.

"REALLY!" Hichigo shouted excitedly.

"Yes."

"CAN I HAVE SOME!"

"… Sure."

Zangetsu got out a white pill-like thing, and threw it at Hichigo, who immediately shoved it in his mouth. Hichigo started frowning while chewing and gulped down the candy.

"ZanZan, this candy tastes aw… ful…" Hichigo broke off, and fell down, flat on this face. He was knocked out, once again.

Zangetsu just stood there, on his old man emo pole, glad of the silence. It was an hour after Ichigo noticed.

"…Zangetsu?" Ichigo asked.

"Yes?" the zanpuckto answered.

"What is Hichigo doing now?"

"He's currently unconscious,"

"… How did he become unconscious?"

"I drugged him."

"What?"

"I drugged him."

"…Why didn't we think of this before?"

"Because you were in charge of the thinking."

"… When will he wake up again?"

"About a month,"

"Oh. Where did you get the drug?"

"I made it."

"… You made it?"

"Yes."

"…"

* * *

><p>Outside, in the real (well, Bleach) world, in his room, Ichigo was overjoyed. "Yes!" He shouted.<p>

"What?" Rukia asked. "Did Hichigo propose to you?"

Ichigo glared at her from across his bed. "No, he's going to be unconscious for a whole month. So I can finally get some peace and quiet, and no headaches!"

"Hopefully you'll become less angry," Rukia said.

This earned her another glare.

* * *

><p>The next day, Ichigo's class realised that something was wrong with Ichigo. There were no headaches, no falling unconscious, and Ichigo <span>was<span> less grumpy, and somewhat happier. His behaviour continued for two weeks, until Ichigo heard a growl in his mind.

"Calm down… Calm down…" Zangetsu coaxed.

The person or thing responded with another angry growl.

"Old man, what's going on?" Ichigo asked his zanpuckto.

"Get in here, Ichigo," Zangetsu responded.

Ichigo hesitated, he was still in class.

"Hurry!" Zangetsu shouted.

Ichigo dashed out of the classroom, using the same old excuse to evade the teacher. When he entered his inner world, he saw Zangetsu with his hands in front of him, trying to coax a monster.

This "monster" wore a black mask with horns sticking out of it. Long white hair ran down its back, it had a black mane around its neck, like collar of a shirt, and in its right hand, it grasped the hilt of a chalky white sword. It was Hichigo, but in his fully hollowfied form.

"Holy crap…" Ichigo swore.

Upon hearing Ichigo, Hichigo's head snapped around to face Ichigo. Slowly, his body turned around as well, but his non-visible eyes did not move away from its target, and another growl came from beneath the mask.

"Calm down, Hichigo…" It was now Ichigo's turn to try to quell the fearsome hollow.

Hichigo roared, and charged at him. Ichigo bolted away in the other direction, all the while shouting, "SHIIIIIIT!"

Ichigo whipped out his enormous kitchen knife, put his left hand to his other arm, and shouted, "Bankai!"

When all the mist and other stuff had cleared, the substitute still sprinted away from his manic hollow. Despite being in Bankai, Hichigo was still way faster than his master. Ichigo franticly scrambled across his inner world, cursing and desperately thinking of a way to calm down Hichigo. There was no way Ichigo was even going to even try to fight against the spastic albino; he saw what happened to the depressing emo arrancar. Then Ichigo thought of an idea.

Because Ichigo was now in Bankai, Tensa Zangetsu was searching for Ichigo and Hichigo. Despite being in a place that pretty much looked the same everywhere you go, it wasn't hard to find the two of them; you just had to follow the screaming, shouting, roaring, and other noises. When Tensa found them, Ichigo was wildly looking around, as if he was searching for something.

"Ichigo!" Tensa called out.

"Hey, old man! ... Wait… no… - Shit!" Ichigo exclaimed while dodging a cero from the angry hollow.

"LET ME DEVORE YOUR SOUL!" Hichigo roared, actually behaving like a hollow for once.

Ichigo ignored him, and asked, "Zangetsu, do you know where Hichigo's candy stash is?"

Tensa blinked in surprise and said, "Why would you ask THAT question, when you've got him, an angry, violent hollow wanting to eat you, and you want to know where his candy stash is? You're an idiot, Ichigo."

The shinigami scowled at him, and complained, saying, "I'm not an idiot, I've got an idea."

Ichigo and Tensa discussed his idea, while fleeing from Hichigo, who was roaring, screaming and shouting, "I WILL DEVORE YOUR SOUL ICHIGO KUROSAKI!"

The two finally finished their plan, and at this point, Hichigo was very pissed, because more roaring and ceros came from him. The whole idea was that they would find Hichigo's candy stash, Ichigo would bolt in, throw candy at the hollow, and making him become the less angry, and more hyper version. Tensa would stay outside, in case this failed, and try to rescue his master.

Tensa said, "This better work, or we're fucked."

* * *

><p>They miraculously found the place, and Ichigo dashed in, grabbed a nearby box, full of candy, and threw its contents at Hichigo, while shouting, "EAT CANDY YOU STUPID HOLLOW!"<p>

Upon hearing the word "candy", the hollow opened its mouth, the sweets flew in, and Hichigo ate them. "Chomp, chomp," Ichigo was frozen stiff as Hichigo then gulped them down. The mask shattered, revealing Hichigo in his "normal" state. The albino looked at the floor, at the candy that missed his mouth, and shouted, "CANDYYYYYY!"

He then dropped to the ground, and started to shove them in his mouth. Ichigo sighed, and returned to his Shikai state. He looked around, and saw that an entire warehouse consisted of Hichigo's "candy stash". There were rows and rows of boxes, like the one he grabbed before, and a huge mountain of candy in the middle of the room.

"…Hey, Hichigo," Ichigo said. "Where did you get all this candy?"

"I made them!" Hichigo shouted between mouthfuls of sweets.

"What?"

"I made them!"

"… What is with you and Zangetsu making things?"

"Because we're smart unlike you and get bored a lot,"

Ichigo scoffed, "You? Smart?"

"I made all this candy!"

"… I still don't think you're smart."

"Wanna bet?"

"No, I don't, hollow."

"You're a wuss king,"

"Am not!"

"Are too! You ran away from me before!"

"That's because you were that thing!"

"Don't call it a thing! Call it Alexander!" (May I say that there is NO YAOI in this fanfic, and never will be.)

"… Are you sure you're not in love with your hollow, Ichigo?" Zangetsu said, approaching the two.

"NO!" Ichigo bellowed. "WHY WOULD I BE IN LOVE WITH A MANIC LIKE HIM?"

"… Just checking," Zangetsu said.

Hichigo shoved the rest of the sweets in his mouth, pointed at Zangetsu and shouted, "Mmf mm hmf mm!"

Ichigo sighed, "Swallow BEFORE you talk, hollow,"

Hichigo obeyed and shouted, "I hate you ZanZan!"

Zangetsu sighed and said, "What is it this time, Hichigo?"

"You drugged me, you meanie!" Hichigo shouted.

"Because you were annoying me,"

"You could've told me before drugging me!"

"… And you would've gone away."

"Yeah!"

"No, you wouldn't have."

"… You've still a meanie for drugging me!" Hichigo stomped out of the building, and Ichigo and Zangetsu looked at each other, and shrugged.

"Old man, wasn't that drug meant to last for a month?" Ichigo asked.

"… Yes." The zanpuckto responded.

"Then why is he awake now?"

"I don't know," he said, and walked off.

Ichigo sighed and returned to the real world.

Zangetsu looked at his pole, and frowned. It was starting to get a brownish, reddish colour. Zangetsu shrugged, and hopped on to it. The pole held for a second, and then it collapsed.

"No!" Zangestu shouted, then stared at the spot where there rusty, broken pole lay.

Hichigo spotted him, and laughed, "King, King! Come in here!"

Ichigo randomly appeared, and grumbled, "What now?"

Hichigo pointed where Zangetsu was, next to the remains of the pole, and shouted, "Its karma! That's what you get for drugging me!"

Zangetsu then walked off, and after a while he came, back, with what made the onlookers disappointed, another pole. Zangetsu moved the remains of the other pole away, and dropped the new pole into a type of hole drilled into the ground. The he hopped on top of the new pole as if nothing happened.

The shinigami and his hollow looked at each other.

"He's got another pole!" Hichigo cried.

"Maybe the old man's got a warehouse full of poles…" Ichigo said.

"I know!" Hichigo shouted, "We could have a competition to see who can destroy the most poles!"

"That's a good idea, but whatever you come up with, tends to fail badly," Ichigo pointed out. "Destroying the pole the first time wasn't exactly the best idea after he locked us up for a week."

"Ah, come on, king!" Hichigo said. "I'll stop pestering you to try and have control over your body, if you win!"

Ichigo frowned at him. "But what if I lose?"

"I get control!" Hichigo shouted.

"… Not exactly a good idea, but I won't lose to you!" Ichigo shouted.

"Wait, wait, we have to make rules for it!" Hichigo pointed out.

Luckily for Ichigo, school had ended, so he agreed. Many minutes later, they decided on these rules:

The point system will be one destroyed pole = one point

Poles do not have to be fully destroyed; they just can't be used by Zangetsu again

Both Ichigo and Hichigo can use other people's or animal's aid or another thing's aid, but whoever used them gets the point (depends if the person gives their point to the other)

Poles have to be destroyed in multiple different ways, even if the other does it, and cannot be destroyed via same means from different people or circumstances e.g. a pole is melted via flame, another pole cannot be melted via Yamamoto

Cannot ask for Zangetsu's help, but accident does count towards point system, only whoever forced Zangetsu to destroy a pole gets a point

If it's indecisive, nether gets the point

Competition stops when ether Zangetsu runs out of poles, or a year has passed

Both Ichigo and Hichigo cannot interfere with the other getting the pole destroyed

Whoever wins gets full control of body

No chickening out!

* * *

><p>"It's done!" Ichigo cried when they were finished.<p>

Zangetsu was wondering why Ichigo was still here, and why Hichigo was shouting before, "No! Make it full control, or I'll go all Alexander on you!"

* * *

><p>… I think it isn't that good, but a lot of readers liked the Chappy one, when I thought it wasn't good, so review and prove me wrong (that is, if I'm right). The Alexander joke came from when I was playing Final Fantasy XIII and pissed myself laughing when I heard that Hope's Eidolon was called Alexander.<p>

Don't say anything about the candy stash for its noted "down for later revenge".


	4. Sword! And Hichigo's Revenge

WARNING: This chapter contains nudity. Not for children, but they shouldn't even BE reading this fanfic. PEOPLE SHOULD READ THIS AT THEIR OWN RISK... I think... Anyway, people, you have been warned. But it's not THAT bad... I guess.

* * *

><p>Mwhahaha! More reviews! Yay! Drmona lord, I am using your suggestion, because this story was going to be really short. Anyway, this chapter takes revenge to the extreme, because I was thinking of how Hichigo could do extract his revenge upon Ichigo, and it ended up like this... Enjoy! (I do admit, the start is a bit boring, and doesn't make sense.)<p>

I do not own Bleach. If I did, Alexander would be tearing up Hueco Mundo by now, and he would actually be called Alexander. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>Straight after Ichigo left, and Zangetsu had gotten off his pole (Hichigo thought it was because he was making more drugs), Hichigo got out his sword, and charged at the pole, shouting, "POOOOLLLE!". Then he slashed it into little tiny pieces. He then shouted, "King!"<p>

"...What?" a sleepy voice asked.

"I destroyed a pole!" Hichigo shouted.

"Already?" Ichigo asked.

"Yep!"

"... Okay then, GO TO SLEEP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"

"... Okay..."

Hichigo, not intending to sleep, went to see what Zangetsu was really doing.

The Zanpuckto was sprawled across the floor of one of his rooms, fast asleep with his mouth wide open, snoring. On one of the desks, was lots of the same type of pill that Zangetsu drugged Hichigo with. The hollow eyed the drugs, and a plan started to emerge from his mind. He was going to get payback from Ichigo. Hichigo grabbed one of the pills from the desk, and dropped it into the gaping mouth of Zangetsu's.  
>Hichigo waited until morning. Until then, he retreated to his candy warehouse, and stayed up all night eating candy, and plotting more ways of destroying Zangetsu's pole.<p>

* * *

><p>Just before Ichigo was going to wake up, Hichigo got Ichigo into his inner world, and gave Ichigo a weaker version of one of Zangetsu's drugs. Hichigo then gained control of Ichigo's body. Because Hichigo was possessing Ichigo's human body, he didn't have the mask on his face, or the black and yellow eyes. He actually looked like Ichigo, but he just need to actually scowl like his master. The hollow knew where everything was, because he knew everything that Ichigo knew. Kon woke up from his little spot on the ground, and looked at Hichigo, who was in the middle of getting changed.<p>

Hichigo just looked at him, not realizing that he was meant to be frowning.

"M-morning, Ichigo," Kon said.

"The name's not king's!" Hichigo pointed out.

"Huh?" Kon looked confused.

"My name is not king's!" Hichigo repeated.

"What's gotten into you, Ichigo?" Kon asked.

"My name is not Ichigo!"

"If your name isn't Ichigo, then what is it?"

Hichigo was about to answer when Rukia then slid open the door, of Ichigo's wardrobe, and saw a topless Ichigo, who wasn't frowning.

"I-Ichigo?" Rukia asked, and started blushing at his topless figure. Then she got down and threw his uniform top at him, and said, "Come on, you'll be late for school."

Hichigo then pointed his finger at Rukia and shouted, "It's you!" (Luckily, Hichigo's voice wasn't altered like it usually is.)

"Yes, it's me Ichigo," Rukia said, looking confused.

Hichigo groaned. "How many times do I have to say that I'm not Ichigo!"

Rukia gasped. "No way... Hichigo?"

"Yep!" Hichigo said. Then he suddenly said, "Oh, I gotta go if this plan is to work!"

He then put on his shirt and jumped out of the window.

"Hichigo!" Rukia shouted after him.

Hichigo landed squarely on his feet, on the concrete below, and bolted in the dircetion of Ichigo's school.

Rukia grabbed her bag, jumped out of the window, and sprinted after Hichigo.

"... Goodbye then," Kon said sadly. (But nobody cares about him.)

* * *

><p>Rukia was no match for the hollow. He quickly pulled away, and gained a lot of distance between them, until Rukia was short of breath, and had to stop.<p>

"Curse this gigai!" She panted.

Hichigo found his way to Ichigo's school, ran straight into the bathroom, and started his revenge.

On the way to school, Ichigo had woken up, and demanded control, and asking what Hichigo was doing.  
>Hichigo only responded with, "Not yet, king, not yet!"<p>

People flocked to the school, pouring into classroom, talking and gossiping. It was then Hichigo ran out, butt naked, onto the roof of a building, which was in clear view from all the class rooms, and below on the ground. He was then pointed out, and screams from the girls emitted from everywhere, shouts from both genders, and some fainting in some cases.

It was then Ichigo, possesed by Hichigo, yelled, at the top of his lungs, "YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN, YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND OUT..."

Teachers were already dashing towards the building, and there was mixed confusion from the spectators.

"YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT..."

Ichigo was desperately already angry and pissed.

"YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY, AND YOU TURN AROUND, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT! YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN, YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND OUT, YOU PUT YOUR RIGHT HAND IN AND SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT..."

The courtyard below was completely deserted, and in the distance, you could hear sirens.

"YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY AND TURN AROUND, THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!"

One of the teaches made it up to the roof, and tackled Hichigo, dragging him to the ground.

"LET GO OF..." As the last word passed his lips, Ichigo's body no longer had Hichigo's control.

Ichigo was now in control, and shouted at the teacher that tackled him, "Wait, wait, wait a second!"

The teacher gripped both of Ichigo's hands behind his back with one hand, and his other hand was pushing Ichigo's face into the ground.

"No way am I letting you get off this, Kurosaki!" the teacher looked pretty annoyed with the hollow's performance.

"Wait, wait, just let me explain!" Ichigo cried. "Rukia!"

There was no sign of the female shinigami at all, and so, Ichigo got arrested and put in jail.

* * *

><p>By the time Ichigo entered his inner world, he was not happy at all.<p>

"HOLLOW!" He hissed. "YOU F*CKING RETARD, I'LL KILL YOU!"

"But, King!" Hichigo cried. "It was payback for leaving me with ZanZan both times when he was annoyed, and had that "byon" monster possessing him! And all the other times you were a meanie..."

"I DON'T CARE!" Ichigo roared. "I DON'T CARE IF IT WAS REVENGE, OR THAT YOU'RE THE PERSON THAT MAKES ME ALL BADASS, YOU'RE GOING TO SUFFER!"

"ZanZan!" Hichigo pleaded. "Help me!"

Zangetsu was still out cold because his drug was still in effect.

Then in the real world, there was a bang.

Ichigo glared at Hichigo, and hissed, "I'll be back, hollow."

Ichigo regained conscious, and saw Urahara in front of him, holding his fan in front of his face.

"Well, well Kurosaki-san, you're in kind of a pickle, aren't you?" He remarked.

"I'm not in the mood for your stupid tricks, Urahara-san," Ichigo scowled. "Now get me outta here."

"Why did you do it?" Urahara asked.

"Do what?"

"Did the hokey pokey naked,"

Ichigo fumed. "THAT WASN'T ME, IT WAS THE STUPID HOLLOW!"

"Sure, sure," Urahara teased.

"Why you..."

"I've noticed that all the othervisored haven't had as much problems as you with their hollows,"

"Maybe because theirs aren't constantly hyper on sugar, or as retarded as theirs,"

Hichigo wimpered, but didn't want to say more, in case Ichigo would get even more angrier with him.

Urahara shrugged and said, "We've managed to erase the memories of all of those that we can of this incident. But,"

The shady shop keeper then snapped shut his fan, and pointed it at Ichigo, who had gotten up from the floor, and said while looking at the strawberry from beneath his hat, "You you owe us a favor."

Ichigo first looked at him in horror, not wanting to know what the "favor" was.

Then he shrugged and said, "At least the whole entire school doesn't know about the hokey pokey thing..."

Hichigo's naked dance almost was forgotten, apart from the teasing from the people they couldn't erase the memory from, Ichigo had still yet to pay off the "favor", Hichigo still is locked locked up in one of the buildings, and his punishment has still yet to be decided, and Zangetsu woke up after a month later.

* * *

><p>Sometime later...<p>

Uryuu and Ichigo for some reason was battling some really hard guy, and Ichigo said, "Damn, this guy's tough!"

"I know what you can do to distract him," Uryuu said.

"What?" Ichigo asked.

Uryuu pushed up his glasses and said, "Do the hokey pokey."

Ichigo death glared Uryuu, and shouted, "NO!"

* * *

><p>Yes, the pole was destroyed very quickly, but most of the time the poles don't have that much to do with the overall story, apart from the first one. But as said before, this story was going to be very short because the pole was going to be destroyed very quickly as written. A pole WILL be destroyed each chapter, so don't worry! That is if I can come up with enough pole-destroying techniques, and if my wonderful reviewers are able to think up ways of how to destroy the poles. I should give them a gift... A picture? I suck at drawing, but other people think otherwise... Oh well, here's what the hokey pokey bit and afterwards was going to be, then I changed it to this. (Hichigo wasn't going to be naked!)<p>

(I originally wrote the hokey pokey bit first, so this one is different to the actual one.)

Everything was going smoothly, and Rukia didn't even notice that her friend had been switched with his hollow. Hichigo couldn't believe his luck. Then, in about the middle of class. Hichigo stood up. Everybody in the class froze and looked at him.

Then, Hichigo shouted at the top of his lungs, "YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN, YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND OUT..."

The whole entire class was shocked. Not even Rukia could say a thing.

"YOU PUT YOUR LEFT HAND IN AND YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT..."

Hichigo was grinning from ear to ear, he wasn't frowning, and he was enjoying himself. Ichigo was pissed off now, desperately trying to regain control.

"YOU DO THE HOKEY POKEY, AND YOU TURN AROUND THAT'S WHAT IT'S ALL ABOUT!"

Ichigo then regained control, and then shouted, "Nurse's office!" and bolted out of the door.

Rukia ran after him, shouting, "Ichigo!"

The class was speechless. Then somebody said, "Is he suffering from multiple personality disorder?"

* * *

><p>Rukia caught up with Ichigo when he stopped outside the school in a nearby alleyway.<p>

"What the hell was that?" Rukia asked.

Ichigo scowled at Rukia, looking extremely pissed. "IT WAS HIM! I'M GOING TO KILL THAT BASTARD!"

In his inner world, Hichigo was howling with laughter. "That's what you get for leaving me to face Zangetsu alone after destroying the first pole, and to face him again because of your evilness!"

"I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CAN MAKE ME ALL BADASS, I'VE F*CKING HAD ENOUGH OF YOU!" Ichigo roared with anger.

"Ichigo, calm down, you know I can erase the memories of your classmates," Rukia said. "Though it WAS funny."

"Ha, she agrees with me!" Hichigo said joyfully.

"YOU"RE NOT HELPING!" Ichigo shouted. "Ishida, Inoue, Chad, and you will remember!"

"At least the entire class wouldn't know about it,"

"... Fine, you go off and do that, because I need to take care of a spastic hollow."

"Wait, wait, no no no no no!" Hichigo shouted. "I was joking before!"

Ichigo went into his inner world and locked him up in the same room that Zangetsu had locked them up before.

(See? No so funny...)


	5. Hell Verse Special Chapter

Ichigo was in his inner world, lying flat on his back. He was staring up at the sky, again wondering why his inner world turned out like this, not something cooler or better, like some type of plain, or something else.

"Ichigo..." a voice said.

Ichigo was too lost in thought to hear.

"... Ichigo... Kurosaki Ichigo... Strawberry... Angry strawberry... Angry teen strawberry... Angry deaf teen strawberry... Stupid angry deaf teen strawberry... Stupid homo angry deaf teen strawberry..." At this point, the owner of the voice was starting to get annoyed. It slashed its claws across Ichigo's face, and shouted, "RETARDED SPATIC STRAWBERRY, GET UP!"

Ichigo immediately sat up, and glared down at the figure that just slashed him. It was a small plump black cat. It had an old tattered white mage hat on its head, wore a cloak in the same colour and condition as the hat. On its back, it had a European type sword with a red hilt, and a wooden stave, that almost looked like a stick, apart from the fact that it had tassels dangling from the curved top part of it. The cat also had a hollow mask strapped to its back, shaped like an octagon, and it had no markings or horns, just the usual teeth and eye slits.

"You bastard, Kuro-Hollow-Mage-Hero-Neko, that really hurts!" Ichigo snapped. "I think I'm bleeding!"

"Shut up!" the cat hissed. "Live with it! Also, stop calling me by my full name! Call me Kurohollow!"

"Fine!" Ichigo said. "Why are you here anyway?"

"The Hell Verse is finally out!" Kurohollow shouted. "Well, on DVD, but now somebody will subtitle it for us leechers!"

"Then why don't you go and download it, and watch it, instead of bugging me?"

"I'm going to, but I'm going to have to wait, so I can watch it on big screen TV!"

"... And how are you going to do that?"

"I've got an Xbox at one of my homes, so I've gotta wait until next weekend. Plus," Kurohollow pointed to the old man emo pole, which Zangetsu was perched upon, "destroy that pole!"

"I thought the old man was still asleep?"

"Nah, he woke up a while ago. And I let out Hichigo! So, if you don't want him to destroy the pole, destroy it yourself!"

Ichigo was shocked. "WHY DID YOU LET HIM OUT?"

"I let him out because of this Hell Verse chapter, and so he can turn Alexander, to remind people how awesome he is!"

Right on cue, Hichigo, as Alexander appeared. He was really hyper on candy, because he had devoured almost half if his candy mountain.

Alexander roared, and started to laugh like the manic he is.

Ichigo just looked at him, and said, "I'm just going to let him destroy it. I'd rather not get in his way."

Zangetsu had seen Alexander, and was now sprinting away from one of his famous poles.

Alexander approached the old man emo pole, and stopped. He then shot straight up into the air, and then shot back down, landing on the pole. There was a big "BOOM!" and a large dust cloud rose from the ground.

When the dust had cleared, what remanded of the pole was a squished, crumbled, metal cylinder.

"Yes!" Kurohollow shouted gleefully, and Alexander was laughing like crazy again.

"... Kurohollow," Ichigo said.

"Yes?" the cat asked.

"How are we going to calm him down?" Ichigo pointed out.

"... I don't know."

"Idiot."

"Shut up, I'm the writer of this story. I can torture you even more!"

"... But you caused this, you fix it."

"But it's not my hollow."

The shinigami glared at the cat, and she grinned back at him.

Ichigo then laid back down, and said, "He'll calm down by himself."

"... RUN ICHIGO!" Kurohollow suddenly shouted.

He sat back up and asked angrily, "Why?" Then he saw Alexander, charging a cero, facing him.

"SH*T!" Ichigo got up and sprinted after the black cat.

"DON'T FOLLOW ME, YOU STUPID STRAWBERRY!" Kurohollow shouted at him.

Alexander however, didn't fire the cero, or chase after the two. He was just standing there, laughing again, because his trick worked. The other hollow and shinigami realized this and stopped running.

Ichigo then said angrily to Kurohollow, "When are you going to leave?"

"You mean strawberry!" Kurohollow shouted. "I'm only coming in here during special events! I'm not getting out now~!"

Then Alexander popped out from behind them and shouted, "No! Don't leave now! I like you because you haven't tortured me yet!"

Ichigo and Kurohollow had a mini heart attack, and Ichigo shouted, "Don't do that again, hollow! Especially in that form!"

"IT'S CALLED ALEXANDER!" The two hollows snapped at Ichigo.

"Anyway, next chapter, you're going to get tortured, Alexander," The black hollow's yellow eyes shone with mischief.

"MEANIE!" Alexander roared.

"I need to do something with you, because Zangetsu's poles are being destroyed, and I got you to get Ichigo to do the hokey pokey naked in front of his whole entire school." Kurohollow then added, "I would show the plan of the next chapter to you, but you would probably cero me because of what's in it."

"Can I look at it?" Ichigo asked.

"... No," Kurohollow said, after some consideration. "Because you'll probably spoil it. I've already told that I was going to torture Hichigo in the next chapter a few readers that ACTUALLY review and I don't want to say too much about it. Sorry guys, it's now next chapter... Thanks for everybody who reviewed! I'm very thankful! Tell me what I can reward you with, even though this is just the fifth chapter. I'm going to be too cruel to Hichigo, because I was too cruel to strawberry. A friend of mine suggested a few stuff, and I thought that they were funny too, so I'm going to use them as well."

"After that chapter, can we do something to ZanZan?" Alexander piped up.

"... I'll probably do something next next chapter, but I've gotta settle down afterwards, like give you guys a break, so nobody starts to have mental problems, aka Ichigo, because the majority of this story is set in his mind..."

When Kurohollow was lost in thought, Alexander reached his white hand out, and snatched her mage hat from the top of her head.

She cried out in anger, and shouted at the other hollow, which was now running away, "Hey, Alexander! Give me back my hat!" and waved her paw angrily.

"No!" He exclaimed gleefully. "You'll have to get it first!"

"Give it back, or I'll make your punishment worse!" She threatened.

He stopped, and grudgingly started to walk back. "Awwwwwww~." He complained. "Did you have to take the fun out of it?"

Alexander sadly gave Kurohollow back the hat, and she firmly planted it on her head. "Thank you," she looked up at the towering hollow, and asked, "You're bored and very hyper, aren't you?"

Alexander nodded his head as enthusiastically as a little kid would, and shouted, "Yeah!"

"Well," Kurohollow reached behind her back, and grabbed her tasseled stave, and pulled it out. "Since this IS the Hell Verse chapter special, I'll entertain you with someone!" She raised the item, light shone out of it, and a dust cloud arose from across the trio.

The dust cloud blew away, and a figure emerged. Two horns poked out of the figure's short black hair, emotionless yellow eyes stood out from the white skin, apart from the black tear marks on its face. It had a pair of large leathery black wings, a long black tail, its arms and legs were black, and it had a gaping hole where its heart should've been. Yes, it's Ulquiorra in his second release form.

"Now," Kurohollow pointed at Ulqui, and shouted, "Obliterate him, Alexander! You have half an hour!"

"Okay!" Alexander launched himself at his new foe, and began to fight him.

"Yay!" The black cat shouted. "Where's the popcorn!"

"... HOW DID YOU DO THAT?" Ichigo asked.

"Because that's a part of my powers!" Kurohollow pronounced proudly.

"Which are...?" Ichigo asked. "And why is your mask on your back, and why do you look like an actual cat, not a hollow?"

"Well, I have my mask on my back, because I have the ability to take it off, without becoming an Arrancar, and my reitsu can disappear, so I can disguise as an actual cat. I allow have all of my powers from when I was alive."

"... Wait, you mean that you could actually talk, and use swords and that stick thing on your back?" Ichigo asked.

The hollow-cat glared at him, and said, "It's called a stave. Do you want me to use it on you?"

Ichigo shook his head.

"Good." Kurohollow then continued on. "I was actually a white cat, until I turned hollow. I lived in the medieval era, and saved people from the shadows. I wasn't famous at all. I did have, and mentioned before, my stave, and sword. I practically looked the same as what I did in real life, just with reversed colours, like Hichigo, or in this case, Alexander." She stuck her tongue out at Ichigo. "But because of the whole disguise power, my tongue and mouth are the normal colours. Anyway, I was walking down the road, and got stomped on by a horse, and got killed. My head kinda exploded. You know, I'm actually a Vasto Lorde, but I'm VERY weak. And I've actually haven't devoured any humans... Well... Not that I know of..."

Ichigo was silent, because he couldn't think of anything to say, and started to watch the fight with the cat.

Ulquiorra lunged at Alexander with his Lanza del Relampago, and Alexander dodged it, and countered with a cero. Ulqui tried to dodge it, but the blast got his left arm and leg - but it didn't get his wings, so he flew off, gaining some time so his regeneration could start. Alexander instantly gave chase, so he launched himself into the air, and raced after.

"... I really need some popcorn..." Kurohollow said.

"Why don't you use your stave to get some?" Ichigo pointed out.

"Problem is that I can't do two things at once with the stave, and if a make a person appear, they can only stay for half an hour, it's a copy of the person, and I can make them appear in whatever form I choose," she explained.

"... That's stupid..." Ichigo complained.

"Hey, it's not my fault!" Kurohollow shouted.

"Why did you summon Ulquiorra anyway?" Ichigo asked. "Not the actual villain in the movie?"

"I summoned him, because I saw in some trailer thing a flashback of Ulqiorra vsing Alexander outside of here," Kurohollow explained. "And I don't have enough information about the other dude anyway. I don't even remember his name..."

Then Zangetsu came up to the spectators and said to Kurohollow, "Who are you?"

"I'm astonished, ZanZan!" The cat shouted. "You don't know who I am?"

"... No," Zangetsu said.

Kurohollow's eyes shone again, and she said, "I am the one who controls how your poles are destroyed."

Zangetsu stood there for a second, and then he suddenly reached forward, grabbed hold of Kurohollow's neck, and started to choke her.

The shinigami grabbed hold of Zangetsu, trying to stop him.

Ichigo shouted, "Don't choke her, otherwise she'll do something REALLY nasty to you, next, next chapter!"

After a while, he managed to get Zangetsu to stop choking Kurohollow.

"You'll regret doing that, ZanZan!" She shouted. She then got out her IPod, and started to play around with it.

Ichigo looked over her shoulder, and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm typing up all of what happened here for my readers, because Alexander destroyed a pole," she said.

"Why is it all in third person?" he asked.

"Because I used to write in first person in English stories, then I wrote in third person, and found it better," Kurohollow said. "I've also gotta go soon, so I can do work for school..."

Ichigo looked at her strangely, and asked, "Hollows have schools?"

Kurohollow sighed and said, "I can't be stuffed to explain..."

Then Alexander returned, carrying some ashes in his hands. He thrust them towards Kurohollow, and said, "Here's what's left of the bat guy you sent after me, neko!"

"... Aww, you did it too quick... And I didn't see you do it..." Kurohollow groaned. "Oh, well, see ya!" And with that, she disappeared.

"Awww, neko's a lot funnier than ether of you..." Alexander said. "I wish she didn't have to leave... Maybe I'll be able to fight her next time."

Ichigo shrugged. "I'm glad she's gone."

"I hate her," Zangetsu said.

"Anyway, take off that form, Hichigo," Ichigo said.

"IT'S CALLED ALEXANDER!" Hichigo shouted, after changing from Alexander.

"GET HIM ZANGETSU!" Ichigo shouted, while tackling poor Hichigo to the ground.

Zangetsu got out another of his drugs, held open Hichigo's mouth, and dropped it in. After a while, Hichigo was unconscious again.

Ichigo dragged the poor albino's body back to the room where Hichigo was imprisoned before.

"What will we punish him with?" Zangetsu asked.

"I'm going to think about it," Ichigo answered.

"I've got an idea," Zangetsu then whispered it to Ichigo, and his eyes lit up.

"Yeah, that's a great idea!" Ichigo exclaimed.

* * *

><p>... Until next chapter!<p>

Note: Kuro means black in Japanese, and Neko means cat, also in Japanese. I don't speak it though. It's just stuff that I remember from animes/mangas


	6. Hichigo's Punishment

Hello, it's me again! Mwahahaha, I'm too cruel to Ichigo and Zangetsu, so it's now Hichigo's turn! Mwahahaha! ... Now I'm actually acting like a hollow...

I actually love you guys for the reviews! (Not actually, but you know what I mean.) Just a little note, there's more gay jokes. I've gotta stop putting them in, but they're just too funny. You guys know the drill. I'm not being mean to gay people, it's just Ichigo wouldn't like being called one. Also, I used a mini bit from The Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy, and I'm sticking how everything was *spoilers* before Ichigo lost his powers, because we don't know now if some stuff has been changed, or there's different stuff now, regarding his new powers. I'll tell you guys if I've changed Ichigo's trio (Ichigo, Hichigo, and ZanZan) to the new version.

I don't own Bleach. If I did, Kon wouldn't exist, because so many people would be fed up with him, he would have been set on fire. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>How many days since he was locked in here? Sure, he got out when neko was here, but damn king and ZanZan had drugged him again and thrown him in this hell-hole. Hichigo sighed. The room he had been confined in, for now a month, was dull, dark, and boring, and for some reason virtually indestructible. There were burn marks on the walls from when he'd turned Alexander and had ceroed them. Hichigo still wondered why they weren't obliterated by now. Maybe they were made of that weird Sekkiseki stuff, but a stronger version. Luckily, king and ZanZan had been thoughtful enough to supply him with candy, but that would probably be that they wanted him to remain "normal". Hichigo chomped down on his lollipop, lost in thought, then a bit of the candy broke off, and fell onto the ground.<p>

"Nooooooooo!" the hollow shouted. He then quickly scooped it up. Before it fell to the ground, it was drenched in saliva, and now it had dirt and fluff, and other mysterious stuff attached to it. Hichigo inspected it, then shrugged and said, "Three second rule," and shoved it in his mouth.

"Hey, hey! Spit that out!" Hichigo looked over to see who said it. Ichigo was silhouetted against one of the doorways, far away from where the hollow was sitting.

Hichigo launched himself at the shinigami, and shouted, "KIIIINNNGG!" He then jumped on Ichigo, making the strawberry fall to the ground and Hichigo started to hug him while shouting, "PLEASE, PLEASE, CAN I COME OUT NOW!"

Ichigo started to squirm and shouted at the albino, "GET OFF ME!" He then realized that Zangetsu was watching him, and looked over at the zanpakuto.

"I'm telling Rukia about this," Zangetsu said.

"No, you're not!" Ichigo shouted. Then he managed to get up, with the hollow still latched onto him, break away from Hichigo's grip, and planted his foot into poor Hichigo's face.

"Meanie, king!" Hichigo shouted, beneath Ichigo's foot.

"You can come out, but you have to do a few things, otherwise you'll stay in that room," Ichigo pressed firmly on Hichigo's face. "Got it?"

The hollow nodded. Ichigo took his foot off.

"Kiiiinnnngggg," Hichigo started to whine. "Your feet stink~"

Ichigo glared at him, "No, they don't!"

"How do you know, you haven't had them planted into your face!" Hichigo pointed out.

Ichigo glared at him again.

"You two argue like an old married couple," Zangetsu said. "Maybe you two are actually married."

Ichigo exploded. "., .AM..!" and pointed at the hollow, crunching on the lollipop that was on the floor before.

Zangetsu just sighed, and held up some chains. "You chain him up."

"...Chains?" Hichigo asked.

Ichigo held up the chains he just received from Zangetsu. "It's ether this, or you staying in that room."

"... Okay..." Hichigo said glumly.

* * *

><p>A few moments later...<p>

Hichigo was chained face down to the side of the one of the buildings, his pants pulled down, revelling his butt.

"... You're not gonna rape me, are you?" Hichigo whimpered.

"Ichigo might, but I won't," Zangetsu said.

"I'M NOT GOING TO RAPE ANYBODY!" Ichigo shouted.

"Then what are you going to do?" Hichigo asked.

"This," Ichigo said, and there was a huge, SMACK.

"OWWW!" Hichigo screamed.

"There's a huge red mark!" Ichigo exclaimed.

"What was that?" Hichigo shouted.

Ichigo walked across, dangled the torture instrument in front of Hichigo's face. "It's something that I think is called a spanking plank."

There was another SMACK, and Hichigo again screamed.

"Two," said Zangetsu.

"Meanies!" Hichigo shouted. "Why are you counting?"

"Because we'll give you one hundred whacks," Zangetsu said.

"ONE HUNDRED?" Hichigo shouted. "YOU BIG UGLY MEANIES!"

Ichigo walked back, and delivered another blow to the hollow's buttocks. Hichigo cried out again.

"Three," said Zangetsu.

Hichigo squirmed in his chains, and Ichigo and Zangetsu felt the hollow's dark reaitsu building. Then it suddenly fell.

"Why can't I turn Alexander?" Hichigo whined.

"Because of the chains," Zangetsu pointed out, and added another blow. "Four."

"I HATE YOU, ZANZAN AND KING!" Hichigo bellowed.

SMACK!

"Five," counted Zangetsu.

SMACK! "Six," SMACK! "Seven,"

...

* * *

><p>SMACK! "Twenty,"<p>

"IT'S STARTING TO BLEED!" Hichigo roared.

"No it's not," Ichigo said.

...

* * *

><p>SMACK! "Thirty-five,"<p>

"Now it's starting to bleed," Ichigo pointed out.

"I'LL KILL BOTH OF YOU AND DEVORE YOUR SOULS!" Hichigo shouted.

"If you try to do that, we'll lock you up in the room again," Ichigo pointed out.

Hichigo whimpered.

...

* * *

><p>SMACK! "Forty,"<p>

Ichigo went up and hit his plank on Hichigo's arse, and in doing so, the plank broke in two.

"Forty-one," said Zangetsu.

Ichigo held up his now broken plank, and said, "Hey, old man, it broke."

"WHADDA MEAN IT BROKE!" Hichigo shouted. "YOU'VE BEEN HITTING MY ARSE TOO HARD!"

"I can see, Ichigo," Zangetsu sighed and ignored the screaming hollow.

Ichigo then walked over, and got the other plank. Hichigo saw this, and shouted, "WHY HAVE YOU GOTTEN ANOTHER ONE! WHY DID YOU HAVE TO GET A BACKUP? "

"Shut up, you," Zangetsu then whacked the albino's buttocks again, and said, "Forty-two,"

Ichigo chucked, "Hey, old man,"

"What?" Zangetsu asked.

"It's the meaning of life!" Ichigo shouted, trying to be funny for once.

Zangetsu looked at him blankly. "I don't get it."

Ichigo sighed. "Never mind,"

"YOU SUCK, KING!" Hichigo bellowed.

"SHUT UP!" Ichigo smacked Hichigo again.

"Forty-three," Zangetsu sighed.

...

* * *

><p>SMACK! "One hundred." Zangetsu sighed.<p>

Hichigo was silent.

"Hichigo~" Ichigo said.

Silence...

"Hichigo, it's over~" Ichigo said.

Silence...

Ichigo went over, and inspected his hollow. He looked at Hichigo's eyes, which were open, and they blinked.

"I'm going to take off your chains now, Hichigo," Ichigo said. "Promise you won't attack us?"

Hichigo nodded, still acting like a brain-dead zombie. Ichigo removed his chains. Hichigo stood up, his eyes still blank, he got his zanpakuto, unwrapped it, and started to wrap the black cloth around his, bruised, bleeding buttocks. He then pulled up his pants (or whatever you call them), and walked, well hobbled off. Ichigo and Zangetsu looked at each other, and walked after him. Hichigo eventually stopped at the old man emo pole.

"... What is going to do to one of my glorious poles?" Zangetsu asked out loud.

The zombie-albino walked closer to it, and put both of his hands, spread apart on one side of the pole. Then he started to bend it. Moving the top hand round in an anti-clockwise direction, he bent the old man emo pole exactly 90 degrees to the left from its original position. Both Zangetsu's and Ichigo's jaws dropped. Zangetsu, because Hichigo was attacking another of his poles, and Ichigo because so far, Hichigo was still winning the bet, and why didn't he think of that before. Hichigo then continued bending the pole, until he managed to form something resembling a lollipop.

"CAAAANNNNDDDYYY!" The candy zombie then hobbled off.

Zangetsu and Ichigo groaned. "NOT ANOTHER ONE!" they said simultaneously.

Zangetsu then walked off, to find another pole, while Ichigo walked off, after Hichigo.

Of course, the hollow was at his candy "stash", gouging himself on his sweets. Ichigo sighed, and decided to return to the normal world.

* * *

><p>Ichigo, was late. He'd gone over the top with Hichigo's punishment, and would have to get pass his dad. He cursed himself for not going home before giving the hollow what he deserved. The substitute shinigami sprinted all the way from his school to the clinic, not wanting to get into more trouble than he was, and not to miss dinner. He paused outside, to catch his breath, and went inside.<p>

He was greeted with his usual kick to the face by his dad. Ichigo however knew that this was coming, dodged it by ducking and uppercutted by punching his dad's jaw, sending poor Ishin flying, and smacking against a wall.

"W-well done, my son," Ishin said, while rubbing his jaw, and getting himself off the floor. He then pointed at Ichigo, who was just standing and scowling at him, and shouted, "But you are late!"

Ichigo sighed, "I'm late because I am."

"That's not good enough!" Ishin shouted. "... Or maybe it's because you've found a mate!"

"That's nowhere near it, and it's called a girlfriend, dad," Ichigo pointed out.

"Which you haven't had," Karin whispered.

Her brother glared daggers at her, "I heard that." he growled.

"Fine then, no dinner for you!" Ishin shouted.

"Fine, I didn't want it anyway!" Ichigo stormed out.

Oh, well, he thought. At least it was worth it.

* * *

><p>Review!<p> 


	7. El Directo

Hello readers! This one used to be together with Hichigo's Punishment, but then I changed it, so some things are out of place. More homosexual jokes again, so the normal drill. I've got nothing against homosexuals, it's just Ichigo wouldn't like it if he was called one. Plus, if you guys have forgotten, Chad loves cute stuff.

I know I said in the Hell Verse special chapter that I was going to give one of them a holiday, but it's been changed. I've got some stuff that I wanna get though first, so just wait.

I don't know Bleach. If I did, Aizen wouldn't be a complete a*se-h*le, and if he was, he'd probably be torched like Kon. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>The Ichigo and Chad were having lunch, on top of the roof of the school, and Ichigo thought that Chad could destroy a pole for him.<p>

"... What do you want me to do?" Chad asked.

"Well, um, you see," Ichigo struggled to find an explanation. "You know Hichigo, right? My inner hollow?"

Chad nodded.

"Well, me and him have a bet to see who can destroy the most of Zangetsu's poles in multiple different ways, and so that's want I'm trying to get you to do," Ichigo continued.

"... Why are you having a bet with your hollow?" Chad asked.

"Well... It's because if I win, he'll stop trying to take over my body!"

"... But what if you lose?"

"Then he'll take over my body, and the world will be doomed. But I won't lose to a hollow!"

With this, Chad sweat dropped.

"So you'll destroy a pole for me?" Ichigo asked.

"... Ummm..." Chad said.

"I'll get you a puppy dog," Ichigo said.

"I'll do it," Chad agreed.

With that, the bell went.

"Okay, I'll meet you at Urahara's place, after school," Ichigo said.

"... Ichigo..." Zangetsu said.

"Yeah, old man?" Ichigo asked.

"I heard all of that, you're not going to destroy my pole," Zangetsu said.

"Do you really want Hichigo to win?"

"... Fine, I've got a warehouse fill of them."

"I guessed as much."

* * *

><p>After school, Chad and Ichigo went to Urahara's shop, in order to get Chad into Ichigo's inner world.<p>

"Well, what can I do for you two this afternoon?" Urahara said when they entered his shop.

"Can you get him," Ichigo jerked his thumb at Chad, "into my inner world, like Rukia?"

"Sure, but why?" Urahara asked.

"Just don't ask," Ichigo said.

"Are you sure you don't want to tell me?" Urahara asked.

"Absolutely."

Urahara sighed, "Fine then,"

* * *

><p>*A few moments later*<p>

Chad looked at the landscape of Ichigo's inner world.

"... It's very dull," Chad commented.

"Yeah, well I didn't exactly get to choose what it looked like, okay?" Ichigo snapped. "Now," he pointed to where Zangetsu was perched, again on the old man emo pole. "That's the pole that you have to destroy,"

Then Hichigo appeared. "Kiiinnnggg, who's that?" the hollow had obviously recovered from the spanking incident.

"He's going to destroy a pole for me, so don't interfere," Ichigo growled.

"You're finally going to destroy one!" Hichigo shouted. "I've already destroyed... Um..."

Hichigo started using his fingers to count, and Ichigo sighed. "You've destroyed three, Hichigo,"

Hichigo glared at him. "Meanie, I'm trying to count here!" Hichigo again started to count, and Ichigo sighed again.

"... Is that your hollow, Ichigo?" Chad asked.

"Unfortunately, yes," Ichigo said.

Hichigo then held three fingers, and shouted. "I've destroyed five!"

"Hichigo," Ichigo said. "You're holding up three fingers."

"Fine then, I've destroyed three!" Hichigo shouted. "And you've destroyed… Um…" He held up no fingers. "Two!"

Ichigo sighed. "You're not holding up any fingers, Hichigo."

"Fine then, you've destroyed zero!" Hichigo shouted again.

"Ichigo," Chad said. "Your hollow is really stupid."

"MEANIE!" Hichigo shouted at Chad.

Ichigo sighed again, and whacked Hichigo in the back of his neck, with the back of his kitchen knife.

"That takes care of him," Ichigo said, and Chad sweat dropped again. "Now, take care of that pole."

Without question, Chad walked over to Zangetsu.

"Hmm?" The zanpukto said when he saw Chad walking towards him.

Chad stopped in front of him and said, "I'm sorry Ichigo's zanpukto, but I have to destroy that pole of yours."

Zangetsu was further confused when Chad's right arm changed shape and colour.

Chad then shouted, "El Directo!" and a split second after this was shouted, Zangetsu realized that this was the person who Ichigo was talking to before, and jumped of the pole.

Blue light engulfed the pole, and destroyed it. Zangetsu then walked off, and came back with another pole. He slotted it back in, and jumped on top of it.

Ichigo walked over, seeing that the deed was done, and said to Chad, "Thanks for destroying the pole. I'll get you the dog later. Now get out of here."

"Okay." And then Chad disappeared.

* * *

><p>The next day, Ichigo went to school, carrying a box. He placed it on Chad's desk, and said to Chad, "Here's as promised."<p>

Chad opened up the box, and a puppy dog leaped up at him, and started to lick his face. He picked it up, and started to rub it across the side of his face, while saying, "Snuggle… Snuggle…"

"Hey, Ichigo!" Keigo shouted. "Why did you give him a puppy! Where's my puppy!"

Ichigo kicked him in the face, and said, "Because he did me a favour, and I told him that I would get him one."

"But you never ask me for favours!" Keigo cried underneath Ichigo's foot. "I know! You find me worthless, like I'm some pest!"

Ichigo pressed down on Keigo's face, and said, "Yeah, I do. Now scuttle away, you pest!"

Keigo gasped, and went off to the emo corner, chanting, "I'm worthless… I'm worthless…"

In Ichigo's inner world, Hichigo said to Zangetsu, while the two of them were spectating to the events in the real world, "Hey, ZanZan, I've got an idea, but you've got to stop Ichigo from punishing me afterwards."

Zangetsu looked at him, and said, "Depends on what it is, and what you'll give me in return."

Hichigo thought about it for a bit. "I'll change your nickname," He said.

"Okay, then what is it?" Zangetsu asked.

The hollow whispered it into the zanpakuto's ear. Zangetsu's eyes lit up. "Yes, I'll stop him from trying to punish you, but I get to pick the nickname."

"And I have to agree with it!" Hichigo shouted.

In the real world, Hichigo took over Ichigo's body and shouted at the top of his lungs, "I'M A HOMOSEXUAL!" Then he gave Ichigo control again. Ichigo just stood there, not knowing what to do.

Everybody stared at Ichigo. Somebody said, "Well that explains a lot of things."

"Rukia, it's him again," Ichigo said.

"Fine, I'll take care of it," she sighed. Ichigo's hollow was now becoming a massive pain for her. With the hokey pokey incident, after Hichigo had outran her, she went to Urahara's shop to plead Urahara to stop Hichigo. And when Ichigo was out for a week, she had to go into his inner world. She hoped Ichigo would soon learn to actually restrain his hollow.

After Rukia had wiped out all of his classmates memories, Ichigo of course, went to his inner world.

"HICHIGO!" He yelled in anger.

The albino appeared. "What, king?"

"WHAT DO YOU THINK!" Ichigo shouted, grabbed the hollow's clothes and pulled him closer. "STOP TAKING OVER MY BODY AND DOING STUPID STUFF!"

Zangetsu then put his hand on Ichigo's arm. "Stop tormenting him, Ichigo."

"… Old man…" Ichigo said. "Wait, why are you taking HIS side?"

"He asked me to stop you when you would come in here and try to punish him," Zangetsu said.

"And you agreed to it?" Ichigo's voice rose.

"That's why my hand is on your arm," Zangestu pointed out.

Ichigo sighed. "That's not the point. You're on a hollow's side."

"MEANIE!" Hichigo shouted. "Just because I'm a hollow, doesn't mean that I'm evil!"

"Well, you did do the hokey pokey naked in front of all of my school, in my body, and you did just yell, "I'M A HOMOSEXUAL" in front of all of my class. And you can turn into that monster thing. So you are evil."

Hichigo then pointed at Ichigo and said, "He just admitted he was a homosexual, ZanZan! And it's called ALEXANDER!"

"Damn, I should've gotten a voice recorder," Zangetsu said.

Ichigo ignored them and said, "Why are you with Hichigo, Zangetsu?"

"Because he'll finally change what he calls me," Zangetsu said. "Plus, I'm only helping him now; I'm not on his side."

Ichigo put both his hands up and said, "Fine then, have it your way."

The shinigami then disappeared.

"… So what's your new nickname gonna be, ZanZan?" Hichigo asked.

"I don't know yet," Zangetsu then walked off, and jumped back on his old man emo pole.

Hichigo then walked off to make more candy.

* * *

><p>Now, I know a lot of you readers are upset that Hichigo won't be called ZanZan anymore. But this is because the nickname ZanZan isn't mine. It's Eurogatto's, and so because it isn't mine, it's going to change. So, I'm now holding a competition to decide Zangetsu's new nickname. It's going to go for one month, so I'll be posting up one other chapter until the competition ends. All you need to do in order to submit your nickname for Zangetsu, is click on Review This Chapter, at the bottom of the page, and say, "Zangetsu's new nickname should be _." and of course, review. If the nickname is in another language, it can only be in Japanese, and make sure to say what it means, otherwise I can't use it. Anonymous readers (people who don't have an account on FanFic) can also submit their nicknames and review too! But any non-suitable comments or nicknames will be removed, so beware. The next chapter is another Hell Verse special, because I thought something up while watching the movie. And, I'm writing another fanfic, called "Reasons Why Not to Have a Baby", so check it out!<p> 


	8. Hell Verse Special Chapter 2

Another Hell Verse Special; Poles Version of a Hell Verse Scene, and continuing afterwards

Okay, I've been gone for a while… I'm sorry… It's just that I've haven't been getting any more nicknames, and I need more. This is that chapter promised from before. An idea that came to me while watching the Hell Verse. Enjoy! ... I guess... Note, Poles is the nickname of this fanfic story, well mini stories. In one subtitled version, the big skeleton things in hell were called "Hell's Will", and in another they were called "Kushanadas". So I'm going to go with Kushanadas. Submit your nicknames please!

* * *

><p>Kokuto and Rukia watched Ichigo as he slowly turned into his hollow form. All hell was going to break loose... In hell. Finally, Ichigo stood before them as the "beast" that Kokuto wanted.<p>

"Yes, Yes, that's it, Kurosaki Ichigo!" Kokuto shouted gleefully. "Now break the remaining chains!"

"I'm not king!" The monster shouted.

"What!" Kokuto asked.

"My name's Alexander!" He roared.

"No way..." Rukia gasped. "Hichigo?"

"No, Alexander!" Alexander roared. "Get it right!"

"Break my chains, Alexander!" Kokuto shouted.

"Noooooo~," Alexander teased. "Why should I do what you tell me to do? I'm free, and on a even bigger candy high~! I ate another half of my candy mountain, because I've made lots, and lots, and lots, and lots, and lots..."

"... I don't get this..." Kokuto said. "You're the inner beast of Kurosaki Ichigo?"

"Hey! I've told you, I'm Alexander!" he shouted.

"How does Ichigo put up with you?" The sinner muttered.

"He doesn't," Rukia pointed out.

"Ugly mean midget!" the hollow then stuck out his tongue at Rukia. "Wow! It's all pink, and not blue!" Alexander started inspecting his tongue.

Kokuto sighed. "Okay, I'll explain it for you "Alexander", that even a child would understand. You know that big red beam thing that you can fire? Use it on me."

"I don't get it." Alexander said. Then he spotted all the Kushanadas surrounding the mini mountain. "Yay! Things that I can kill!" And he ceroed the one closest to him.

Kokuto shouted, "Yes! That's what I want you to use on me!"

"Shut up, you meanie!" And the hollow ceroed him.

But by doing so, he freed Kokuto. "Yes, yes!" he yelled. "I'm free!"

"Well you're not going to be soon!"

The hollow sonidoed behind the ex-sinner, grabbed hold of his back, and threw him towards a Kushanada.

The Kushanada then gobbled up Kokuto.

"Big fat ugly meanie..." Alexander then sonidoed towards Rukia, and cut her chains with his sword.

"How can you cut it?" Rukia asked.

Alexander shrugged, and cut down Renji and Uryu.

"Why are you helping us?" Rukia asked again.

"'Cause that's what king wants," the albino replied. "And in return, he's gonna let me kill all these weird things!"

Then he sonidoed off to massacre the rest of the Kushanadas.

Renji and Uryu climbed up towards Rukia.

"It's stiff all over," Renji moaned.

"My body feels like a rock," Uryu groaned.

"It's expected," Rukia said. "Your guys' bodies were though the rotting stage."

"What does that mean?" Renji asked.

"Who knows?" Rukia said.

Then Renji and Uryu saw Alexander killing all the Kushanadas, and gasped.

"Kurosaki!" Uryu shouted.

Alexander heard him, stopped his rampage for a second, and roared, "IT'S CALLED ALEXANDER!" Then he continued on.

"Hey, Rukia, don't just stand there, we've got to stop him!" Renji shouted.

"We don't need to do anything," Rukia said. "Alexander isn't doing any harm."

"But he'll destroy the chains and free Kokuto!" Renji shouted.

"Kokuto has already been killed by a Kushanada. Plus, Ichigo wants him to be destroying them, and Alexander saved all of us."

"He saved us?" Renji asked.

Rukia nodded.

"But why does Ichigo want that thing to be in control?" Uryu asked.

"HEY!" Alexander shouted. "FOUR-EYED MEANIE! IT'S ALEXAAAANNNDDDDEEEEERRRRRRR!"

"... Did he just call me a meanie?" Uyru asked. "And a four eyed one?"

"Let it drop, Ishida," Rukia said. "It's no use fighting with him."

The hollow then finished off the rest, and soindoed in front of the group. The mask shattered, the hole closed over, and Ichigo was in control again. But he was holding a pole.

"Why have you got a pole in your hands, Kurosaki?" Uryu asked.

Ichigo drove it into the ground deep enough to let it stand on its own. "It's just a little bet that's going on," he replied. "Anyway, let's get out of here!"

And they escaped hell, and all that other stuff...

* * *

><p>Zangetsu came back from making more drugs to find his pole was gone. He sighed, and went off to get another one. On his way to his warehouse, there was a sleeping Hichigo on the floor, all covered in blood. Zangetsu shook him awake. The blood drenched hollow imminently opened his eyes and sat up.<p>

"What is it, ZanZan?" Hichigo asked.

"Why are you all covered in blood?" The zanpakuto asked.

"Because I went on a massacre!" Hichigo shouted.

Zangetsu decided it was best not to ask about it, and asked, "Where's my pole that was in the normal spot from before?"

"It's in Hell," he replied.

"It's in Hell?" Zangetsu was confused.

"Yeah, king put it there!"

"How did Ichigo manage to get into Hell? He didn't die, did he?"

"Even though king should've died a long time ago, because of all the times he's been beaten up, he's still not dead!"

"Damn that Ichigo. I don't really care now how he got there, it's just he left one of my poles there that really annoys me. Go and have a bath, Hichigo, to get all that blood off."

The hollow pouted and said, "I don't wanna,"

"Go and have one, or I'll make you,"

"I don't wanna, I don't wanna!"

The zanpakuto then grabbed the back of the albino's blood drenched robes, and dragged him to the bathroom. He then ordered Hichigo to take off all his clothes, and shove them under the door so he could wash them, and for Hichigo to actually have a bath.

After a while, the hollow fell asleep in the bath, surrounded by mounds of bubbles, and there was even a rubber ducky in there too. He dreamt of killing more stuff.

While Zangetsu was washing Hichigo's clothes, he sighed. Why did the hollow make his life harder. Ichigo was hard enough to put up with, and now he had to deal with his hollow.

* * *

><p>Stupid, I know, but at least it ended without the whole entire world being destroyed. As much as others want it, the world's not gonna end now. I've still got more chapters to write, so it can't end now! And I didn't call Ichigo gay for once! Review!<p> 


	9. Zangetsu's New Nickname and Cero

Hello! Thanks for all your entries! All of the nicknames that have been submitted are scattered throughout this chapter, so no one is left out! I'm not trying to abuse any though, and the person who made the name will be in brackets beside it, and if it's in Japanese, the translation as well. Plus I've created a few myself, so unnamed ones are mine. And I've used those who didn't put "Zangetsu's new nickname should be_" because they were actually good, even though it was just shorting Zangetsu's name.

I don't own Bleach. If I did, Orihime wouldn't be shouting Kurosaki-kun every five seconds. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>Zangetsu walked into Hichigo's candy "stash", looking for the owner himself.<p>

"ZanZan?" Hichigo asked, behind one of his candy making machines.

"Remember, it's not ZanZan," The zanpukto reminded him.

"Why are you here, then?" the hollow asked.

"Remember our agreement?" Zangetsu said. "I want to change my nickname to Kuro Manto." (According to Google, it means "black cloak")

"Noooooo," Hichigo whined. "That sounds too long. I want ZanyGetsy!" (Moonstar2015)

"No," Zangetsu said. "I refuse to be called by that name. How about Kuroi ōi kakusu?" (Same as before, but spelt differently)

The hollow shook his head, "No! ZanyGetsy!"

* * *

><p>Ichigo entered his inner world. He walked over to where the old man emo pole was. Seeing that Zangetsu wasn't using it, he started to put his plan into action.<p>

* * *

><p>"I want D.E!" (Kuraikaji) Hichigo shouted.<p>

"... What?" Zangetsu frowned.

"It means Depressing Emo!" Hichigo shouted.

"No," Zangetsu said.

* * *

><p>Ichigo then returned to the real world, and went to Urahara's shop.<p>

"Oh, Kurosaki-san," Urahara greeted him as he walked through the door. "What can I do for you, today?"

"Can you get me to Hueco Mundo, Urahara-san?" The substitute shinigami asked.

"Why would you want to go there?" Urahara asked.

Ichigo sighed. "I need to do something for a bet."

"What kind of bet?" Urahara asked.

"... I'm not saying."

"Awww, come on, Kurosaki-san! Tell me, or I won't let you go there."

"You little..." Ichigo started to snarl, and then he remembered that he had come prepared for something like this.

He grabbed out a large lollipop that he stole from Hichigo's candy "stash" before. "Let me go there, and I'll give you this lollipop."

"Okay!" Urahara then gladly snatched away the candy. "Come this way, Kurosaki-san."

"Could you also do another favour?" Ichigo asked.

"Sure," Urahara said.

Ichigo then told him. "And I want it as quick as possible," he said.

"That'll cost you," Urahara said.

Ichigo sighed. "Fine, I'll get you some more candy."

He then went into his inner world. He then dashed over to his hollow's candy stash, to steal some more. The shinigami quietly tiptoed inside, and he heard the albino and the old emo man bickering.

"But I want Kuro no furui pōru to seiyaku kaisha no otoko!" Hichigo whined. (Black old pole and drugmaker man)

"No," Zangetsu said.

"Meaaanniiieeeeeee!" Hichigo whined again. "Then Furui Otoko Emo?" (drnoma lord, and it means old man emo)

Ichigo shook his head. Maybe Zangetsu and Hichigo was the old married couple. Ichigo didn't care what they were arguing about anyway. He got a handful of candy, and took it with him into the outside world.

* * *

><p>"That'll do!" Urahara exclaimed when he received the hollow's candy.<p>

He then made what Ichigo was asking for, and led him below. Ichigo followed him to the underground training ground, and then went through the Garganta.

After Ichigo had left, Urahara then immediately started to suck on his lollipop.

* * *

><p>"Please, can it be Zanny?" Hichigo asked in his kindest voice, with puppy dog eyes. (EaSnowPw)<p>

"No," Zangetsu said.

"Meanie!" Hichigo shouted. "Then Emo-chan?" (Disciple Of The Dragon Star, who used to be HyperStar)

"No," Zangetsu said again.

* * *

><p>Ichigo then landed in Hueco Mundo, and managed to find a way into the underground forest.<p>

"Right," he said, and got out what he had asked Urahara for before. It was a golden lasso, and it was used to transfer items and people to the wielder's inner world.

Ichigo then started to release his reaitsu, and the Menos Grande came. Ichigo then twirled the lasso around, like in one of those cowboy films. "Now, let's catch some Menos!" He shouted. If someone apart from the hollows were there, they would have sweat dropped.

He shunpoed to one of the branches of the fake trees, and swung his lasso at the nearest hollow. It pathetically bounced off the Menos' head. Then Ichigo realized that the little lasso in his hand wasn't, of course, big enough to lasso a Menos, at all. Then he managed to get the pointy nose of one. The hollow started to shine golden, and then it disappeared in a ray of golden light. Ichigo then quickly made his way back to the human world, so he wouldn't get eaten by any hollow.

Spiky head then randomly passed by a school. The substitute stopped to look at it. The school was on the landscape above the dead forest, and it was stuck in the middle of nowhere. The school actually looked like your normal human school, but Ichigo could see that this school was actually occupied by hollows. What was strange about this school, apart from the fact that it was in Hueco Mundo, and looked like it was a school for hollows, was that there was a building, set away from the school, but not that far away. It was tall, white, and looked old European styled. Ichigo frowned at this sight, and then he remembered the possibly rampaging hollow, which for the first time wasn't Hichigo, in his inner world, and dashed off.

He returned to the human world, and went to his inner world.

* * *

><p>"So are we agreed on the nickname?" Zangetsu asked, while he and Hichigo were walking out of the hollow's candy "stash".<p>

"Yeah!" Hichigo shouted.

"Fine then," Zangetsu said. "I wonder if Ichigo will call me by this when he hears about it."

Hichigo shrugged. "You never know what king's going to do next though."

Then suddenly Ichigo bolted past the two, with a raging Menos giving chase.

"I think that just proves your point," Zangetsu pointed out.

"I wanna know what king's doing!" and Hichigo ran after the two.

Zangetsu sighed, and followed behind. Eventually, Ichigo had a Menos, his hollow, and his zanpukto running after him.

Ichigo then found what he was looking for, the one of Zangetsu's old man emo poles that was in the little slot.

The shinigami then jumped on top of it, and shouted, "Come on, you stupid, big, fat, Menos! Cero me!"

"No!" Hichigo shouted. "He's going to destroy another one!" he then started to count on his fingers. "It'll be even!"

"Don't destroy another of my precious poles, Ichigo!" Zangetsu shouted.

The Menos then fired the cero, but it just missed the pole. Ichigo yelped, and jumped off the pole just in time. But he landed awkwardly, and had landed with his head between his legs. The Menos then charged up another cero, and was aiming it at Ichigo.

Hichigo then realized this, and turned Alexander. "DON'T YOU DARE KILL MY KING!" He shouted, and fired his own cero at the Menos. "I'M THE ONE WHO GETS TO DEVORE HIS SOOOOUUUULL!"

Another hole was carved in the other hollow, directly below the other one. It then toppled over, and disintegrated on the side of the one of the boring blue skyscrapers.

Ichigo then got up, and shouted, "You idiot! I've got to go to Hueco Mundo and back again, so I can get one to cero the pole!"

"... I don't think you need to, Ichigo," the zanpukto said, and pointed.

"Why?" Ichigo asked, and turned to where Zangetsu was pointing. The pole was gone. It had been blasted away with the cero, along with the Menos.

"Another point for me!" Alexander cried.

"But I thought that in our contract, we weren't allowed to stop the other from destroying the pole!" Ichigo shouted.

"But you weren't actually going to destroy it!" Alexander complained.

"I wasn't, but that Menos was!"

Zangetsu sighed, and started to walk off.

"Oh yeah!" Alexander shouted. "Zangetsu's new nickname is going to be Kage!" (anime-lover890, and it means "shadow")

"... That's stupid." Ichigo said.

"Meanie!" Alexander shouted. "It's a good nickname!"

"It's a retarded one." Ichigo then walked off and returned to the real world.

"Meanie!" Alexander then stuck his tongue out at where Ichigo was.

* * *

><p>Congratulations to anime-lover890! anime-lover890 won the Zangetsu's New Nickname Contest! You don't really get anything; I just use the nickname in this story from now on. But then again, that's good enough, I guess. Thanks to all those who submitted! There was really good ones! I was really frusterated that I had to choose between anime-lover890's and drnoma lord's one: Furui Otoko Emo (old man emo)… But Zangetsu wouldn't like drnoma lord's and Kage is a lot shorter for Hichigo… Review please!<p> 


	10. Normal Hichigo? and Acid II

Whoa! I haven't updated "Reasons Why Not to Have a Baby" for ages, but I'm updating Poles… Oh well, Poles comes first because I have to wrap this up in a year, and for the other one, it's just a side thing. A suggestion from Felixfeles for the acid! She's so awesome! Just a heads up, I suck with Bleach Hichigo's accent, and I majority screwed things up a bit in here… and there's more gay jokes… Oh, and the "later revenge" bit is here. Go to Chapter 3 if you've forgotten about it. Anyway, Enjoy!

I don't own Bleach. If I did, Ichigo would probably end up being gay so I wouldn't have to worry about the whole romance stuff, and so when angry fan girls send me letters about IchiRuki and IchiHime stuff and why aren't they're together, I could just calmly say; "He's a homosexual, and so he can't fall in love with any girl." And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p>Ichigo was angry. He didn't want to lose to his inner hollow. After the cero incident, Hichigo still got the point for destroying it, and leaving him two points in front of Ichigo. The spiky head racked his brain, trying to come up with an idea on how to destroy the pole. Them he realised a problem in the competition rules, and planned to use it to his advantage.<p>

* * *

><p>Forget Ichigo for being annoyed, Zangetsu was thoroughly pissed. Hichigo had annoyed him for the last hour, and wasn't going to budge from where he sat, in front of the old man emo pole where Zangetsu was perched.<p>

"Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan!" Hichigo shouted at him. "Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan!"

"WHAT?" The zanpukto roared at him.

"I'm bored~," the albino said.

"I know; that's what you've been saying for the past hour!"

"Then entertain me!"

"No,"

"Meanie!"

Silence…

"Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan, Kage-chan!" Hichigo started.

"WHAT?"

"I'm bored~,"

Zangetsu could seriously face palm right now. But then he thought of an idea to shut Hichigo up.

He shunpoed towards Hichigo, shoved one of his drugs in his mouth, covered the hollow's mouth, and made him swallow it. The hollow was knocked out again. But the emo sword didn't stop there. He then shunpoed to Hichigo's candy stash, went in Bankai, and Getsuga Tenshoed it. Tensa had obliviously forgotten about the Alexander incident from last time.

* * *

><p>Ichigo crept into the dim-lit science room. He sighed out loud. It looked like no one was here. The substitute searched through the cupboards, and then found what he was looking for. He grabbed the bottle, and dashed out of the classroom. Sure, he had no idea what would happen when he opened the bottle, and poured out its contents, but it was better than an intense cross-examination from Kurotsuchi again.<p>

After running out, and sneaking back into his house, he went into his room, and then went into his inner world. The strawberry found Zangetsu's old man emo pole, and, luckily for him, no Zangetsu near it. He pulled out the cork of the bottle, and poured its contents all over the pole.

"What are you doing, Ichigo?"

Said shinigami jumped a mile after hearing Shikai Zangetsu behind him.

He turned around, and said, "I'm destroying a pole again."

"Oh, okay," Zangetsu said, not bothered at all.

Ichigo turned back around to see the pole disintegrating quite nicely.

"Ichigo, didn't you destroy one of the poles before with acid?" Zangetsu asked.

"Yeah, but that was before me and Hichigo started the competition, so it doesn't count," Ichigo pointed out.

Then the strawberry saw Hichigo on the floor, near the pole.

"W-what's he doing there?" Ichigo asked Zangetsu.

"He was annoying me, so I knocked him out, and destroyed his candy stash," Zangetsu said.

"YOU IDIOT!" Ichigo shouted at him.

Zangetsu looked at him, confused.

"DO YOU REMEMBER LAST TIME HE WAS KNOCKED OUT?"

Then Zangetsu remembered, and paled. "Sh*t."

Ichigo then sighed. "Well, we've got to get as much candy as possible until he wakes up."

"… Ichigo," Zangetsu said while pointing at Hichigo.

"What?" The substitute looked over at the hollow, and then instantly looked away.

Hichigo was too close to the pole, and some of the acid had gotten onto his clothes… that were there before. But now, the albino was naked. The acid was also eating though the skyscraper, because it didn't just work for metal, like Kurotsuchi's.

"What's wrong?" The zanpukto said. "You're gay, aren't you?"

Spikey head death glared the old man. "I'M GETTING REALLY ANNOYED WITH THE GAY JOKES!"

Zangetsu was just silent, but he was grinning inside. The two then found some clothes for Hichigo that Zangetsu had, just in case of anything, and they put them on the hollow.

* * *

><p>Over the past 2 weeks, Ichigo tried to get as much candy as per possible, but sadly, it wasn't even enough to fill one of Hichigo's candy boxes.<p>

Ichigo groaned to Zangetsu in his inner world, "About now is the time when Hichigo wakes up, but I've wasted all my money, and we haven't collected nearly enough candy."

And then the hollow woke up.

Ichigo saw his eyes snap open, so he quickly distanced himself from Hichigo, and got out his sword. Zangetsu just ran off. The albino got up slowly, and Ichigo was surprised that he didn't turn Alexander on him.

"Wha's wrong, King?" Hichigo asked; his voice heavily accented.

"I thought you were going to turn into that thing," Ichigo explained, while lowering his zanpukto.

Hichigo chuckled, sending shivers up the substitute's spine. This wasn't like Hichigo. Before, if Ichigo had called that form a thing, there would be shouting and whining.

"Nah, King, I only did tha' before to scare ya," the hollow said.

"You mean all that "I WILL DEVORE YOUR SOUL, ICHIGO KUROSAKI!" was all an act?" he asked frowning. "And why aren't you shouting at me, and why is your voice really accented?"

Hichigo chuckled again. "Haven't ya realized, Ichigo? Thi' is tha real me. Remember tha time whe' ya versed me in here before, both times? I was like this! But all tha times before, I was hyper on candy!"

"… Wait, I'm confused," Ichigo said. "After we were torturing you before, you became a candy zombie."

"Tha's 'cause I wasn't fully off candy. I was still hyper."

"Why aren't you gone Alexander yet, Hichigo?" Zangetsu said; realising before that no one was chasing after him or ceroing the place.

"Apparently the whole Alexander thing was so he could scare us," Ichigo explained.

"Hey, don't call it "Alexander"," Non-Hyper Hichigo said. "Tha's jus' a f*ckin' stupid name tha' the hypo' version came up with."

"But he goes crazy over that name," the shinigami pointed out.

"King, you're called gay all tha time, but ya don't like it," the albino said.

"STOP IT WITH THE GAY JOKES!" Ichigo half screamed.

Hichigo chucked. Ichigo just sighed and went to the real world, seeing no harm with the non-hyper Hichigo.

* * *

><p>He was proven wrong soon afterwards.<p>

"… Ichigo," Zangetsu said.

"What?" the shinigami asked.

"You may want to come in here," the zanpukto said.

"Why, old man?"

"Hichigo's making something weird,"

"He may be rebuilding his candy machine. You even make drugs yourself,"

"No, this is something else,"

Ichigo sighed. Luckily it was the weekend, so he wouldn't get bashed up by any angry teachers.

"Fine," he told Zangetsu. "I'll go in there to see whatever he's making."

When he went into his inner world, Zangetsu lead him to wherever Hichigo was. It was where Hichigo's candy "stash" was, and it didn't look like it had been Getsuga Tenshoed by Tensa Zangetsu.

"Hey, I thought you said that you destroyed Hichigo's candy "stash"," Ichigo said.

"He must have rebuilt it," Zangetsu said.

"That quickly?"

"Who knows?"

Ichigo shrugged his shoulders, and went inside.

"Ola! Arrancar Remix!" was playing as loud as the Hichigo-made speakers could allow, and there was wires, and circuits, chips, and all other computer-electronicy type stuff everywhere. In one corner, there was all the candy which had survived Tensa's Getsuga Tensho. The hollow was bent over a little device that was obscured from the substitute shinigami's view. There also was a massive machine not far from Hichigo.

"Hichigo?" Ichigo called. "What are you're doing? And why are you playing this song?"

"Wha'?" Hichigo responded looking over at Ichigo. "Why can't I listen ta songs fro' ma nationality?"

Ichigo frowned harder. "How is this song from your "nationality"? You're my hollow, born from me, and I'm definitely not Spanish. Plus, you're not even an Arrancar, because Arrancars are hollows that break their masks, and gain Shinigami powers. You're just my inner hollow, a shinigami's inner hollow."

"But I'm still count'd as a hollow, and all hollow are Spanish," Hichigo pointed out.

"Says who?"

"Says tha maker o' Bleach. He said that tha Spanish language sounded "bewitching and mellow"."

Ichigo sighed. "Whatever. This song sucks anyway."

"Wha do ya listen ta anyway, king?"

"Don't know*. Anyway, what are you doing?"

"I'm buildin' a bomb so I can destroy Kage's pole,"

"Hey, wait, you can't do that!"

"Wha not?"

"Because you'll probably kill me!"

"Wha? How do ya know? Plus it doe'n't come under tha cont'ct." He then got out a piece of paper with the rules of their competition on it and handed it to Ichigo. "See, king?"

Ichigo looked up from the paper. "But if you kill me, then you kill the body."

"Wha ya talkin' about, king? I can still tak' over the body."

Ichigo scrunched up the paper in his fist. "Why you…"

"Go on, king, get outta here," the albino was now working on his pole-destroying bomb again. "Stop disturbin' me an' go an' study or somethin'."

Ichigo scowled at the hollow. He didn't want Hichigo to set off the bomb, but he didn't know how to, without breaking the competition rules. Then the strawberry got an idea. He got some of the leftover candy, snuck up on Hichigo, and then shoved the hollow's mouth full of the candy. The shinigami also covered his hand over the hollow's mouth, in order to stop him from spitting the candy out. Hichigo unwillingly swallowed the candy, and Ichigo removed his hand.

"Huh?" the hollow said. "King?"

Silence…

"I'M BACK!" the hyper Hichigo shouted, and grabbed Ichigo into a bone-crushing hug that would've made Nel jealous.

Ichigo was frantically trying to pull the hollow away, when Zangetsu came in, wondering if Ichigo was still alive. When he saw the two, he instantly turned away, and walked off.

"Wait, no, this isn't what it looks like, old man!" the substitute shouted after him.

"KAGE-CHAN!" Hichigo shouted, ran after Zangetsu, who was now running, and then grabbed him in a big hug.

Ichigo took this moment to grab the bomb and hide it in his inner world. He knew that he couldn't destroy it, because it would be probably set off, and what would he do with it in the real world?

* * *

><p>*I honestly don't know, because we haven't been given this information. His theme song, and the little bit in the retarded wannabe vampire season don't count.<p>

Give it to the government so they can bomb America for payback for what they did in WWII. (It was a joke guys… nothing to be taken seriously. But then again, when is this ever serious?) Next chapter is the Halloween special! Let me tell you guys now that I've never gone trick-or-treating before… I need a guide for writing accents, because I suck badly. And no, I'm not gonna go back and read stuff with Gin in it. Also the accent bit with Hichigo is to help identifying the two. Poor Ichigo being called homosexual all the time. Review, please!


	11. Halloween Special

To lalaland 3, it's just what the song's called. I don't know if they spelt it wrong or something. Thanks for pointing it out though.

Well, its chapter 11, and it's the Halloween special! … This is probably the most I've ever celebrated it. KetakoshkaCastlionia, I'm using your suggestion from ages ago, but it's been changed a lot. Sorry, I just need to even up the points more. References to Trigun. If you don't know who Kuroneko-sama is, Google her. And it's not the Fanfiction site. Click on the wiki stuff for the Kuroneko-sama I'm talking about. And there's stuff from the Bleach episode 304, Gaiden Again! This Time's Enemy Is A Monster?, pretty much a Halloween episode. For the people who only read manga, Chapter 279's title page thingy has the required stuff.

* * *

><p>Ichigo was sitting at his desk, doing his homework. He'd needed to hand it in the next day, and since today was Halloween, there was a party to be held downstairs, and there were no hollows about, now was the best time to do it. Rukia was in his closet, probably getting dressed for the party and Kon was nowhere to be seen.<p>

"What ya doing, strawberry?" a voice asked.

Ichigo looked up from his homework, and found a black cat sitting on his bed.

"Yoruichi-san?" He asked.

The cat face palmed. "Wrong black cat,"

Ichigo frowned, trying to remember the cat's name. He knew he was bad with names, and he'd only met her once. "Kuroneko?" he asked.

The cat was silent. "Never call me Kuroneko. It is a violation of Kuroneko-sama. It's just Kurohollow."

"Why aren't you wearing your hat, or other things?" Ichigo asked, not bothering with the Kuroneko-sama thing.

"It's so I'm disguised as a normal black cat," Kurohollow pointed out. "No normal cat wears mage hats or cloaks. You can't even feel any reaitsu from me, don't you? In fact, when I was in your inner world, there wasn't any reaitsu from me then too!"

"Good point," Ichigo said. "Wait, why are you here?"

"It's Halloween!" the hollow-cat shouted. "It's a special event! Which is why I'm here!"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "But there's going to be a party downstairs and lots of shinigami are going to be there."

Even though it wasn't visible beneath all her black fur, Kurohollow became pale. Shinigami meant mad people trying to send her off to the Soul Society, and destroying her lifestyle that she had worked so hard to get.

"Oh, yeah, why haven't I sent you to the Soul Society yet?" Ichigo asked.

"Because I haven't really killed any humans! You can't really cleanse a hollow's soul of its sins if it hasn't done anything wrong."

"It still doesn't make sense though,"

"Try getting another hollow that hasn't eaten a human's soul yet. I haven't met any others. Plus I'm the writer of this fic, so if you send me to Soul Society, I won't be able to write this anymore."

Then the closet door flew open, and Rukia jumped out of it. She was wearing the succubus outfit, complete with trident thing.

"Oh s-... sugar, I forgot you had a shinigami in your closet," Kurohollow said.

Rukia raised an eyebrow at the small black cat, looking confused.

"Um, meow?" Kurohollow said, trying to cover up her identity, and failing.

"Ichigo... the cat just talked," Rukia said, pointing at the hollow-cat.

The substitute sighed, and said, "Rukia, this is Kuroneko, a cat that can talk, and she came over for the party,"

Kurohollow, being an airhead at the time, hissed, "You idiot! It's Kuro**hollow**!"

Rukia and Ichigo froze, and the black cat instantly saw her mistake.

"Kurohollow?" Rukia asked. "You're a hollow?"

Kurohollow ran into a corner, and shouted, "Please don't send me to the Soul Society! I haven't killed any humans, or shinigami! And I won't be able to write my fics anymore!"

The shinigami dressed in a succubus suit crossed her arms, and said, "You're not a hollow, because you haven't got a hole in your chest, and you don't have a mask anywhere."

The cat scratched the back of its head, and smiled sheepishly. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"And Ichigo," Rukia continued on. "Why haven't you gotten dressed for this party?"

"What are you talking about?" the strawberry started. "I'm not dressing up for a stupid event like this,"

"But I got you a costume for this party especially," Rukia said. "Don't be such a spoilsport."

"Did you get him a strawberry costume?" the hollow cat shouted.

"No," Rukia said.

"Aww, I would've got him one," Kurohollow said. "What did you get him instead then?"

"This!" the shinigami said while pulling out the Franken Ichigo costume.

Kurohollow deadpanned. "Of course,"

"Why "of course"?" Ichigo asked.

"Nothing, I'll break the fourth wall… again," Kurohollow sighed.

The two shinigami just looked at each other with confused expressions.

"Anyway, put it on, Ichigo," Rukia said. "Or do you want me to get your dad up here, and make you?"

"Or I'll get Alexander!" Kurohollow shouted.

Ichigo's face paled. "I'll get dressed into it then. Now get out of my room!"

The shinigami and the hollow scrambled out of the angry strawberry's room, and went downstairs to help with the setting up of the party. (Kurohollow mainly snacked on everything.)

* * *

><p>A lot of shinigami and humans came to the Halloween party. When Ichigo came downstairs, after all of them had come, dressed in his costume, Kurohollow immediately jumped onto his shoulder.<p>

"Kurohollow?" He asked. "Why are you on my shoulder?"

"'Cause I don't like the others," the black cat said, shaking.

"Why?"

""Cause," She pointed at Uryu with her paw. He was dressed as Dracula, quietly sipping some milk. "If he finds out I'm a hollow, he'll kill me, and that'll be the end."

She then pointed to Orihime, dressed as a pumpkin ghost, happily chatting away with Chad, Uryuu, Tatsuki, Chizuru and Rukia. "If I go near her, I risk the chance of being fed her "cooking" which will probably kill me."

Kurohollow pointed at Tatsuki, dressed as a wrestler, and said, "She'll probably attack me, and well, she'll be near Orihime all night."

She then pointed to Chizuru, dressed as a bee, and said, "… I'm not keen on spending my time with a lesbian, no offense to others. And she's too hyper for my liking."

"What about Hichigo, he's hyper on candy most of the time?" Ichigo asked.

"Now he's amusing," Kurohollow replied. "She just wants me to face palm myself."

Chad was dressed as a skeleton, listening to the drabble Orihime was spewing. People knew it was him, because mainly grunts were coming out of the suit, and also because of his large frame. "He wouldn't even talk to me, and I'd get bored."

Kurohollow then gestured to Keigo, talking to an uninterested Muzuiro, texting on his phone. He was dressed as a nurse. "Now, he's just crazy, and would probably collapse if I started talking to him."

Muzuiro was wearing a hockey mask, now pulled onto the top of his head, so his face was revealed, and a white one-piece pesticide thing with fake blood all over it. "Keigo'll be probably near him all night."

The black cat then pointed to Rangiku, dressed as a witch, drinking what was possibly sake with Renji, Yumichika and Ikkaku, with Toshiro looking angry, near them. "I may die from suffocation via her boobs, and I don't want to know what she gets up to when she's drunk."

She then pointed to the others that where joining her with the sake. Renji was dressed as a "mummy" (yes, I do mean the bandaged version, but the anime episode says differently that's why there are quotation marks), Yumichika was dressed as a fairy, and Ikkaku was dressed as a gorilla (his mask/helmet was off). "And they're with her, and I don't wanna go near them because they'll be drunk in a few minutes."

She then pointed to Toshiro, dressed as a werewolf. "Technically he's dressed as a dog, and I'm a cat, so I don't like dogs."

Kurohollow then gestured to Yoruichi and Urahara talking, and also drinking alcohol. Urahara was dressed as a pirate, and Yoruichi was (of course) dressed as a black cat, but was showing too much skin (practically she was dressed like a prostitute). "… Urahara's a pervert, and too sneaky, and for Yoruichi, well, I don't like her dress choice, apart from the fact that she's dressed as a black cat."

Then she looked at Ichigo. "So that's why!"

"What about Rukia?" the strawberry asked.

""Cause," Kurohollow started.

Byakuya then came into the room dressed as the Seaweed (or Wakame) Ambassador, and went over to Rukia, who eyes started sparkling. Both Ichigo's and Kurohollow's faces fell.

"'Cause of him," Kurohollow sighed. "All of these guys are ether human or shinigami. Apart from you though. You're a human-shinigami-hollow hybrid. Hey, why didn't you invite any hollows or Arrancar?"

"What about you, though?" Ichigo asked.

"You didn't exactly invite me; I came of my own accord. Why didn't you invite Grimmjow?"

"Isn't Grimmjow dead?"

"I don't know. We've never seen him again after spoon dude sliced him. Hey, why didn't you check if he was alive or not before?"

Ichigo scratched the back of his head. "Well, I didn't think about him at the time, so I forgot."

Kurohollow sighed. "Hurry up and destroy a pole. Maybe I'll be able to leave you alone."

Ichigo raised an eyebrow. "Do you promise to leave me alone?"

"I'm not promising anything," Kurohollow huffed.

The substitute shinigami shrugged. He'd thought of a plan of how to destroy a pole anyway, and it required one of the people in here. Ichigo was getting strange looks anyway for just standing there and talking to the cat. So he strode over to Toshiro to organize a deal.

"Hey, Toshiro!" the strawberry greeted him.

"It's not "Toshiro", it's "Captain Hitsugaya"," The werewolf snarled at him.

"Could you do a favour for me?" Ichigo asked. "I'll stop calling you Toshiro, and start calling you "Captain Hitsugaya" if you do it."

"What is it?" he responded.

"You'll have to destroy a pole for me, in my inner world," Ichigo said.

Kurohollow opened her mouth to say "Yes!", but at the last moment, she remembered the whole thing with Rukia, and so instead said, "... Meow!"

The strawberry eyed her curiously, and then went back to his deal. "How about it?"

"Why do you want me to destroy a pole for you?" Toshiro asked. "And what is a pole doing in your inner world?"

"Well, the pole's there because of my zanpukto, who likes to stand on poles and, the reason why I need you to destroy the pole his because I'm having a bet with my inner hollow to see how many poles both of us can destroy. We can also enlist other's help too."

Toshiro was starting to decide against it. But then he thought that he could get away from this party that Matsumoto had dragged him to, and as a bonus, he could finally get Kurosaki to start calling him with proper formalities.

Toshiro sighed. "Fine, I'll do it."

Kurohollow meowed, still trying to keep her cover. She then thought about asking Ichigo if she could go in his inner world too, so she could talk to Hichigo, but then remembered about the shinigami everywhere. Shinigami running after you; trying to send you to the Soul Society wasn't a good idea for her.

"Kurosaki, what's with your cat?" Toshiro asked.

"Oh her?" Ichigo said. "She's just a random black cat."

Toshiro eyed the cat suspiciously, and she tried to not show that she understood what was said.

"So, how am I going to go to your inner world, Kurosaki?" the ice-shinigami asked.

Ichigo held up a necklace with a silver metal strawberry with two buttons, one red, the other green, in its side, and a black skull and cross-bones printed on the other side, hanging off the chain.*

"With this," he explained. "I got it from Urahara before, after bribing with him candy." (That was stolen from Hichigo ((the hollow didn't notice it)).)

"So, then how does it work?" Toshiro gruffly asked.

Ichigo pointed to the green button, and said, "If you press this while holding onto my arm, you'll go to my inner world." He then pointed to the red button. "When you're in my inner world, press that button to go out of it." The substitute shinigami the looked at the 10th division captain, and said, "Got it?"

"Yeah," the other shinigami replied and took the necklace from the spiky head.

He the grabbed Ichigo's arm and pressed the green button. Toshiro then became unconscious, which greatly unsettled everybody in the room, causing it to fall silent, and all of the eyes were now fixed on Ichigo and Kurohollow, still on his shoulder.

Ichigo fake-smiled, and said to the crowd, "He's okay. Just fainted,", dashed upstairs and into his room with the unconscious kid.

After Ichigo had slammed the door, Kurohollow hissed to him, "Why the hell did you tell them that?"

"Shut up," Ichigo hissed. "I couldn't think of anything."

* * *

><p>*In Ichigo's inner world*<p>

"This is Kurosaki's inner world?" Toshiro asked to no one as he stared out at the blue skyscrapers, with the weird gravity. "I'll have to find the pole Kurosaki was talking about." he then sighed. "I have no clue where it is though."

Then a distorted voice asked, "Are you talking about Kage-chan's old man emo pole, Shorty-chan?"

Toshiro turned around, his face full of rage. "Shorty-chan?" he asked angrily, thinking that it was Ichigo talking.

He then saw what he thought was Ichigo, but his skin, hair and robes were white. Toshiro then remembered Ichigo talking about his inner hollow, and what the 10th division captain had been told about this hollow.

"You're Kurosaki's inner hollow, aren't you?" Toshiro asked.

"Yep," the albino said. "My name's Hichigo. What are you doing here, Shorty-chan? I was busy making more candy before, so I don't know what's been happening outside of here."

Toshiro sighed. "It's not "Shorty-chan", it's "Captain Hitsugaya","

"I know, but I'm not technically a shinigami, so I don't really need to address you like that," Hichigo pointed out. "Shorty-chaaaaaaan, what are you doing here?"

"Don't call me "Shorty-chan"!" Toshiro snapped. "And I'm here to destroy a pole for Kurosaki."

"Oh, you're here to destroy Kage-chan's pole?" The hollow said. "Then what's King doing?"

"King?" The shinigami asked.

"You know, Ichigo,"

Toshiro frowned. "Why do you call him "King"?"

"Because he's the King of this world, Shorty-chan,"

"I told you to stop calling me "Shorty-chan"!"

"Don't bother, Toshiro," Ichigo said while walking towards the two. "He won't stop calling you by it unless you make a deal with him, like my zanpukto did."

"It's "Captain Hitsugaya"!" Toshiro snapped again.

"KIIIIIINNNNNNGGGGGG!" Hichigo shouted, and hugged the strawberry. "KAGE-CHAN'S BEING A MEANIE! HE WON'T TALK TO ME!"

Ichigo shoved the hyper hollow away, and said, "I'm not surprised."

"MEANIE!" Hichigo shouted back.

"This is your inner hollow, Kurosaki?" Toshiro asked.

"That's what everybody says," Ichigo complained.

"BECAUSE YOU'RE SUCH A MEANIE!" The hollow shouted, and then stomped off to make more candy.

Ichigo sighed. "Let's go,"

"Kurosaki," the captain said while walking beside the strawberry.

"What is it?" the substitute shinigami asked.

"Who's Kage-chan?"

"He's Zangetsu, my zanpukto. Don't worry; he's not like my hollow."

"Why does your hollow call him "Kage-chan"?"

"He gives a nickname to everybody that he's met, apart from Rukia#,"

Toshiro frowned. This definitely wasn't what he thought that Ichigo's hollow would be like.

Then they found the pole. There was a tall man standing on top of it, and staring out into the horizon.

"Hey, old man," Ichigo greeted him.

"What do you want, Ichigo?" Zangetsu asked.

"We're going to destroy the pole," the strawberry told him.

"Okay," he said while jumping off the pole, and walking off to get another one.

Toshiro was quite confused at Zangetsu's behaviour. "He's okay with you destroying the pole?"

"Yeah," Ichigo answered. "He used to cry and get angry before, but it seems like now Zangetsu isn't bothered."

Not asking anymore questions, the 10th division captain got to work. He got out his zanpukto, and chanted, "Sit upon the frosted heavens, Hyorinmaru!"

He then summoned one of his ice dragons, and directed it at the pole. The old man emo pole instantly froze, covering all of it in a thick sheet of ice.

"Can I get out of here now?" Toshiro asked.

"Yeah, thanks for that," Ichigo responded.

* * *

><p>Kurohollow was strumming on Ichigo's guitar, careful to not break any of the strings, despite actually having not played the guitar before. She thought that she should keep an eye out for Ichigo and Toshiro, seeing as they were now unconscious.<p>

Kurohollow sighed. Mainly the fact why she was looking after the two's bodies was that she didn't want to go back downstairs to the shinigami. Or humans, but shinigami were worse. She understood why shinigami did the things they did, but couldn't they take into account that such hollows exist, like herself? Last time she spoke to a shinigami, apart from Ichigo, and told them that she was a hollow (and they believed that she was), was actually running after her, waving their sword about, trying to send her to the Soul Society. The black hollow-cat shuddered. She was close to actually being sent there, thank goodness that she escaped.

She was broken from her bubble of thoughts by Ichigo regaining conscious, and then Toshiro.

Ichigo just looked at her, and asked, "Why are you still here?"

The black cat signalled to the shinigami next to him, and said nothing. She then carefully put down his guitar, and jumped back on the strawberry's shoulder. He scowled at her, and she just meowed.

Toshiro then got up. He glanced at the shinigami and the hollow, and then got up and out of the room, closing the door behind him.

Kurohollow sighed in delight.

Ichigo just looked at her, then grabbed her, wincing when her claws dug in as a reflex, tossed her on his bed, and said, "Why do you hate shinigami so much?"

Kurohollow wasn't pleased by his actions, and replied gruffly, "I don't hate shinigami, it's just that of course you'll dislike the people who are hunting you down. Especially when you haven't really done anything wrong."

Ichigo sighed and scratched the back of his head. "I guess that makes sense."

Then the strawberry remembered the school that was in Hueco Mundo that he passed. "Hey, Kurohollow," he started. "I saw this school-like building the other day in Hueco Mundo. Was it actually a school?"

"Yeah, that's the school I go to, that one I was talking about before."

Ichigo frowned. "There's a school for hollows?"

"Yeah, there is. The school is for Vasto Lorde hollows, like me. It's because that other hollows are too big to fit in the building that was found in Hueco Mundo."

"Why was there a building there? And isn't there not many Vasto Lorde? "

Kurohollow shrugged. "I have no idea. The saying that you can count the number of Vasto Lorde in Hueco Mundo, on your fingers is false. Many of us conceal ourselves, because we've reached the highest you can get for hollows, and so people couldn't really find us too well."

"Is that so? What do you guys do at the school?"

"We get taught the basic stuff that you guys learn at school, and are helped with mastering our powers. Apparently Vasto Lorde powers are higher than a captain's, but I don't think that mine is _**that **_high. I reckon that if I ever fought a captain, I would definitely lose. The school also provides us with shelter, because it's a boarding school…"

"Do you have to pay to get in?"

"No. There's no money in Hueco Mundo to begin with."

"Oh, okay."

Ichigo then got up and stretched. "Well, I'm going back downstairs."

Kurohollow groaned, but still stayed on his shoulder. The strawberry went downstairs, and the party was in a mess. Rangiku was being dragged out if the room by her captain, Ikkaku, Renji, and Yumichika were squabbling amongst each other drunkenly, Urahara, Yoruichi, Byakuya, Uryu, Chad, Muzuiro, Chizuru and Tatsuki all had left, and the room was in a mess.

"No, Captain!" Rangiku squealed. "I'm not going back noooooowwww! And I'm not thaaaaaat drunk!"

Toshiro only snorted, and continued to drag her out of the door.

"I'm telling you, nobody's better than my captain!" Ikkaku shouted at the top of his lungs.

"Oh, really?" Renji argued.

"What's that? You saying that my captain isn't better than someone? And who's that?" Ikkaku demanded.

"I'd say that our captain is the best, but not the prettiest," Yumichika said.

"Why don't you go marry him?" Kurohollow mumbled.

"What's that?" Ikkaku shouted. "Who said that?"

Kurohollow didn't own up, and she thankfully wasn't chewed out by Ichigo.

"Tch, pansy," Ikkaku said drunkenly. "Say it to my face next time!"

The black cat just sighed.

"!" Keigo shouted, popping out of nowhere, and sprinted at the strawberry.

Ichigo just held out his hand, and Keigo smacked into it, falling to the ground.

The hollow-cat whispered to Ichigo, so the idiot on the ground wouldn't hear her, "See ya, I'm getting out of here."

She jumped off the shinigami's shoulder, onto Keigo's back, and out the door that Toshiro was holding open while still dragging his Lieutenant, outside. She grabbed her staff, cloak, hat, and mask, and then went back to Hueco Mundo, back to school…

* * *

><p>*I looked at the second chapter of this fic, and realised that I just put that Urahara made a "gadget", and didn't say what it looked like. And yes, this is the same gadget as before. Sorry for not providing you guys with what it looked like before. For its design, it's very original, isn't it? First thing that pretty much popped into my head after a normal button, then a chicken.<p>

#Hichigo didn't really meet Kobuto, or Renji or Uyruu. But he's shouted at nearly all of them, so you could say that he's met them... Meh, I'm just going to say that they don't count.

… Yay for me… Yes they have rolls here. And wagging school is not a good idea, because detention is a lot painful than any human one. Let's just say that laws don't exist in Hueco Mundo… This chapter is the longest chapter of this fanfic, and no, I'm not prepared to made more chapters as long as this. It took me a hell of a lot longer to write this one. I was skimming through it, and thinking that it was too boring. And some parts don't make sense. I think it's because I've been trying to fit in too much information about myself, and what people were wearing etc. Sorry that there wasn't enough Hichigo… I've already started on the next one, and what I've done so far looks pretty good. There'll be a bit more Hichigo, but don't count on it. Please give me more suggestions! I'm starting to run out of them! And review while you're suggesting, of course.

Note : This Chapter is 4,283 words long! Most Poles chapters are 1,000 - 2,000 long...


	12. Excursion slash Field Trip

The chapter name's like that for people of different countries, and I can't use this / in a chapter title (again, this is not a yaoi fanfic)! I have no idea about the tours and stuff for Mt. Fuji, because I've technically never been to Japan. So there's going to be a few iffy parts. And a few bits are guessed both character wise, and volcano wise.

I don't own Bleach. If I did, I would be living in Japan right now. And it would be terrible.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Ichigo talking to hollowZangetsu in his mind**_

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo when Ichigo's in the outside world (can also be to Zangetsu)_

**Zangetsu talking to Ichigo when Ichigo's in the outside world (can also be to Hichigo)**

* * *

><p>Ichigo hated excursions. Almost as much as fortune telling and all that supernatural stuff. He especially hated it when his inner hollow was constantly trying to talk to him, while still being hyper on candy.<p>

_KING! KING! KING!_

_**WHAT NOW?**_

_Do you know where you can find a candy machine near you_?

_**No. Why do want to know that?**_

_So I can steal it, and make more candy in here! It'll be faster too_!

_**You're not using my body to steal a candy machine.**_

_WHYY NOOOOOOTTTT?_

_**Because you're getting a candy machine, and you're not taking over my body again. Unless you win our bet.**_

_!__!_

Ichigo just snorted, and looked out of the window of the bus that they were traveling on. Already in sight was the towering volcano, which was their destination. Mount Fuji.

"Whoooaaaaa!" Keigo shouted while leaning across Ichigo, in order to look out of the window. "It looks so huge!"

Ichigo shoved him back in his seat, and said, "Get your body out of my face."

Keigo looked at him with chibi tears and shouted, "How could you say that Ichigo, to your buddy?"

"You're aint my buddy," the strawberry said. "You forced me to be paired up to you."

"Hey Muzuiro, say something!" Keigo shouted to his friend sitting across the corridor, next to Chad, and playing around on his phone. "How big is that mountain?"

"It's very big, Asano-san," he replied, not looking up.

"It's a volcano, Keigo," Ichigo pointed out. "Of course it's going to be big."

"And we're going to be climbing it!" came the teacher's voice at the front of the bus.

A lot of the students groaned, even though they were told it before.

_Is there any candy at the top?_

_**No. Why would there be candy at the top of a volcano?**_

_It could have been a reward for climbing it!_

_**Not everybody's a hyper hollow like you, who is obsessed with candy, and fighting.**_

_MEANIE!_

**He's right, you know.**

_Not you too, Kage-chan!_

"Hey, Ichigo!" the shinigami's friend shouted in his ear. "Are you listening to me?"

"Huh? What?" Ichigo asked.

"Hey, actually listen to me when I talk!" Keigo whined.

"Don't worry Ichigo, he wasn't talking about anything really important," Muzuiro commented.

"Not really important?" Keigo shouted. "What about Rukia isn't important?"

"You're seriously talking about that midget?" Ichigo asked.

"Don't be mean to Rukia-chan!" Keigo shouted.

"But it's true, she's tiny,"

"Hey, do you know why she didn't come on this excursion?"

"Why the hell would I know?" Ichigo lied.

The truth was that she stayed behind in Karakura Town, was because if a hollow showed up. Nobody trusted Imoyama-san* with dealing with the hollows.

* * *

><p>The class arrived at the base of the volcano, got the normal lecture about the volcano, it's historical information, etc., then they started to climb it.<p>

_KIIIIIIIINNNNGGGGGGGGGGG! _

_**What now? **_

_Can you get me some candy?  
><em>

_**No. Stop bugging me.**_

_Pleaaaaassseeeeeee, King? _

_**No.**_

**Stop annoying Ichigo, Hichigo.**

_But I'm not annoying him! I'm just asking if he can give me some candy!_

_**Yeah, well I don't have any, so shut up.**_

**Can't you make the candy?**

_Kage-chan, I can't make enough candy to keep me hyper in an hour! Unless you want non-hyper me, you'll get Ichigo to get some candy for me!_

_**What if Zangetsu helped you make the candy?**_

_... I'll be able to make the candy in time! Kage-chaaaaaan, can you help me with making the candy?_

**Fine.**

_YAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY!_

Ichigo rolled his eyes, and kept climbing.

"I... Ichigo!" Keigo shouted to the strawberry. "I'm about to die! Can you carry me to the top!"

"No friggin' way," he replied. "Plus, if you're out enough energy to shout, then you're definitely not dying."

"?" Keigo begged.

"No," Ichigo said. "Stop acting like my stupid hollow."

"What was that, Ichigo?"

"Nothing."

Keigo ran up to him and complained, "You said something about me, didn't you?"

"Yeah, I was saying how much of a lazy idiot you are! You even ran up here!"

"But that was because you said something about me!"

Ichigo then pushed him down the volcano, and Keigo started to tumble down the mountain. "Climb back up here again, you lazy arse!"

Muzuiro saw the screaming, rolling Keigo, and just shrugged, and kept on playing around with his phone, and walking.

Poor Keigo had stopped a few kilometres/miles below the class, and had to climb all the way back up. At least he wouldn't be annoying Ichigo again soon.

* * *

><p>At last, the class had made it all the way up to the top. There was another talk about the volcano, and then a rest time before climbing back down. The students were told that there was still lava in the volcano, and to stay away from the edge.<p>

This gave Ichigo an idea. He laid down on the mountain, to stop him from smacking into the ground, and possibly rolling away, when he became unconscious, after entering his inner world. The strawberry then entered it.

* * *

><p>*In Ichigo's inner world*<p>

"!" Hichigo yelled at the shinigami, and jumped on top of him, like a dog. "DID YOU COME TO HELP US MAKE CANDY!"

"No!" Ichigo snarled back, while launching the hollow into a side of a building. "I've come in here to destroy another pole!"

Hichigo picked himself off the building, and his eyes blinked in surprise. "You're going to destroy another one? Nooooooooo, King, you'll be in front of meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

"You were in front of me for a longer time, and for a lot bigger margin," Ichigo reminded him. "Besides, you can't stop me, because it'll go against the rules."

"Awwwwwwwwwww, Kiiiiinnngggg," Hichigo whined, and sulkily walked back to his candy stash/warehouse.

Ichigo then found Zangetsu's pole, pulled it out of its socket, and went back to the real world.

* * *

><p>The strawberry's eyes snapped open, and he was still on the ground, but was now clutching the old man emo pole.<p>

"Ichigo?" Muzuiro asked him. "Where did you get the pole?"

"Umm…" Ichigo said, scrambling to find an answer. "I'm going to be back in a minute," the strawberry said, and scrambled away, to the crater of the volcano. Luckily, no teachers saw him going up there.

When he got up there, he held the pole out above the vent, and dropped it into the lava below.

_KIIINNNNGGGG!_

_**What? **_

_Why did you have to destroy another pole?_

_**I told you, I can destroy as many poles as I want to. It's not against the rules of the bet. Now go away.**_

Hearing no reply from Hichigo, Ichigo then climbed back to his class. Hichigo kept on complaining, and asking him random questions, and they all went back home.

* * *

><p>"So how was the excursion?" Rukia asked Ichigo when he came back home.<p>

"I'm going to friggin' kill my hollow soon," he replied. "He won't shut up."

_Meanie._

_**Go away!**_

"He won't shut up about loving you?" Rukia teased.

"No!" Ichigo snarled.

* * *

><p>*The Afro dude called Zennosuke, the shinigami who took over Rukia's duties in Karakura Town when she was caught by the Gotei 13 to be executed. Yeah, I can't remember his name ether, but wiki helps with this stuff.<p>

Ah, I forgot about the warning for the gay stuff… Oh well. I don't think you guys care about it anyway. The ending's a bit rushed, but I felt like keeping this chapter short, because I've got a feeling that the next one will be long… Next one WILL BE hilarious. Even the idea alone is funny, and I've been wanting to do it for ages, along with another one which will have to wait for later…

Don't forget to suggest, and review!


	13. It's Aerobics Time!

Well… I told you the very idea was going to be hilarious. I was going to have this as the April Fool's Day one, but I just had to use this idea. Knowing me, I'll be able to come up with a good idea for that day as well. I'm pretty much guessing of what people would do in this situation. Most likely it wouldn't be accurate, but I'll try to keep the people as in character as possible. I've noticed that FF has been taking away words like "!", and taking away the exclamation marks to make the text like this "!". I'll try to put back in all the stuff when I put chapters up on FF, but there may be a few bits where it'll go like this "!". I apologize in advance, but if you guys want to complain, tell it to FF.

I don't own Bleach.

**_Ichigo talking to hollow/Zangetsu in his mind_**

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo when Ichigo's in the outside world or the other way around (can also be to Zangetsu)_

**Zangetsu talking to Ichigo when Ichigo's in the outside world or the other way around (can also be to Hichigo)**

"This is when someone speaks into a microphone."

* * *

><p>For some reason, the Gotei 13 had invited all these people, including all the humans living in Karakura Town with spiritual awareness, Hichigo, Zangetsu, and other randoms to an event, which was not said on the note.<p>

"I have a bad feeling about this," Ichigo said, after himself, Hichigo, and Zangetsu had received the invitation. "But why are you guys involved with this as well? And how are we doing to get you two out of here?"

"How about Sandal-Hat?" Hichigo asked.

"Urahara-san?" Ichigo replied. "Yeah, he could make something that could do that."

He then looked down the bottom of the invitation, and saw a little note.

P.S. For Ichigo's hollow and zanpukto, we have gotten Captain Kurotsuchi to make a device to temporarily pull you two out of Ichigo's inner world. However, there is a time limit, and you two (especially Ichigo's hollow) cannot try to harm anything, or anyone. If you are caught, you will be punished, **severely**.

The shinigami then pointed this out to the two.

"I don't want to know what that "punishment" is," Zangetsu said.

"Kurotsuchi's that freaky guy with golden teeth, and looks like a ram, right?" Hichigo asked.

"Yeah," Ichigo said. "But you don't want to call him a ram. You may end up disappearing."

"Will he give me candy if I ask him?" The albino asked.

"Apple flavoured poison candy," the shinigami scoffed. "Well, anyway, I'm going back to the outside world."

"Are we actually going to this?" Zangetsu asked.

"Yeah, I'll have to, which means you guys have to, too," the strawberry said.

"Bye, King!" Hichigo shouted.

"It's not exactly bye, because you're my inner hollow, and always with me," Ichigo pointed out.

He then left his inner world.

"Ichigo!" Rukia called. "Wake up, Ichigo!"

"Huh?" Ichigo asked. "What, Rukia?"

She flapped her invitation in front of his face. "Did you get one too?"

"Yeah," Ichigo said. "They also invited Hichigo, and Zangetsu."

A stunned expression flashed across the shinigami girl's face. "They also invited your hollow, and zanpukto? How are they going to get them out of your head?"

"Kurotsuchi's going to get them out," Ichigo replied. "I have no idea why they also asked those two to come."

_Meanie!_

_**What is it this time?**_

_What you just said!_

_**And how am I being mean?**_

_You said it like we were trash!_

_**I'm not Ulquiorra, or Aizen, so I wasn't implying that you two were!**_

"We'll have to go to it still," Rukia pointed out.

"Luckily it's on a weekend, which is in two days," Ichigo sighed, and flopped onto his bed. "I guess Imoyama-san is going to take care of the hollows when we're gone."

* * *

><p>*Two days later…*<p>

Turned out that Uryuu, Orihime and Chad were also invited. But Uryu didn't come, because, "I'm not going to a shinigami's party, because I have my pride to defend as a Quincy."

_**Stupid Quincy pride…**_

_I like their capes, and that they wear white!_

_**Shut up you. **_

When Ichigo arrived though the Senkaimon in Seireitei, he was guided to the Twelfth Division's barracks, and into Kurotsuchi's office.

"Well, well, well," Kurotsuchi said while spinning his chair around to face the substitute shinigami. "Let's see if my device works. Come over here, Kurosaki Ichigo,"

"Wait, a sec," Ichigo said, starting to panic. "You've never tested this out before?"

"I've never had the specimens to test my device on," the captain stated. "Now come over here before I drag you over."

Ichigo paled, but still walked over to the madman. Kurotsuchi then put on a helmet with wires attached on the spiky head's head, walked over to his keyboard, started to type in a few keys, and activated the helmet. Ichigo felt a jolt, and then he had a massive headache after the jolt. His black reaitsu started to flare up by itself, and it then engulfed the room in darkness. When the strawberry's reaitsu cleared, Zangetsu and Hichigo, who was in the form that he was usually seen in Ichigo's inner world, both sprawled on the floor, next to Ichigo.

Hichigo was lying on his belly, and then he realised that he wasn't in Ichigo's inner world anymore, he looked up at Ichigo. "KKKKKIIIIIIIINNNNNGGGGGG!" he shouted, and usual, threw himself at the shinigami. Ichigo just sent him flying into the wall.

Zangetsu just got up, and said nothing.

"Come on now, you three," Kurotsuchi snapped at them. "If you don't hurry up, you'll be late."

"Oh, yeah, sorry," Ichigo apologized while taking off the helmet, and placing it on a desk. "Hey, do you know what this is about?"

"No, they didn't even tell me!" Kurotsuchi huffed. "Come on, now."

The twelfth captain then hurried off. Ichigo just shrugged and followed him, and the other two followed suit.

Zangetsu was still not saying anything, and Hichigo looked around Seireitei in amazement. The hollow had never been here, not counting the time when he fought Byakuya. He opened his mouth to ask Kurotsuchi for some candy, because he knew that Ichigo wouldn't have any on him. Hichigo stopped himself at the last moment, remembering Ichigo's warning.

The group then arrived at the place. It was an enormous room, filled with people, and there was a stage at the back of the room, with a small group on stage. One of the people on stage was a woman, who Ichigo had never seen before. She had long blonde curly hair, tied up in a ponytail, and she was wearing a sort of tight-fitting one-piece that covered her arms and legs. It was also bright green and light blue colour. Ichigo frowned at the woman, and then scurried of to Rukia, Orihime, Chad, and Renji, with his hollow and zanpukto following him.

"Yo, Ichigo!" Renji greeted him, but then the grin on his face disappeared when he saw Hichigo. "Is that your hollow?"

"Unfortunately, yes," Ichigo answered.

"What do you mean, "Unfortunately"?" Hichigo complained.

"You're a hyper manic kid mainly all the time, you attack me with hugs, you turn into that thing lots of times-,"

"IT'S !" Hichigo cried.

The room fell silent, and everybody looked at Hichigo. The woman on the stage started to look very scared. Then people started to murmur and whisper, and then the room returned to its usual noise level.

"And you do that," Ichigo finished off. "How could anybody be happy with you as their inner hollow?"

Hichigo stuck his tongue out at Ichigo, and said, "Meanie."

"So let me get this straight," Renji started. "He's the person who almost beat the living snot out of my captain?"

"Yeah, I know, it's a shock, isn't it?" the strawberry said.

"Hello, Hichigo-kun, and… um…" Orihime looked up at Ichigo's zanpukto, trying to think of his name.

"Zangetsu," he answered.

"Pleased to meet you!" Orihime finished off cheerily.

Chad just grunted and lifted up his hand.

"Hello, you two," Rukia said.

"Hello, Ruki-chan!" Hichigo sung.

"Ahem," came from the stage.

This came from Head Captain Yamamoto, on the stage, with his ever-constant-stalker lieutenant who no one could really remember his name at his side, and the crazily dressed woman there too, with a head set microphone on her. This did not look good.

"Captain Kurotsuchi, are the barriers in place?" Yamamoto asked.

What barriers? Ichigo thought. What are we doing?

There were also murmurs around the hall.

"Yes, it's done!" Kurotsuchi shouted from the back.

The old man obviously didn't hear that, and his nameless lieutenant had to tell him.

"Now, I'm sure all of you are wondering what all if us are doing, so I'll tell you, because the barriers are in place," Yamamoto said. "Well, there has been some lacking of fitness in some groups..."

"*cough* Omaeda *cough cough*" some unknown implied.

"So we're getting everybody to do..." Yamamoto paused for dramatic moment. "Aerobics!" 

There was then a moment of pure silence. Even a cricket could be heard. Then there were screams of disgust, and yells of delight. One of these yells belonged to a certain hyper hollow, who was dancing around the room like crazy, no, insanely. Zangetsu on the other hand just stood there, and he looked only a few shades darker than Hichigo's skin. Ichigo just groaned.

Great... He thought. Just pure hell for how long?

When some of the noise died down, the woman spoke up. "Hey guys, my name's Tiff, and I'll be running though this 3 hour session, and I hope you'll enjoy it,"

Groans came. Zangetsu's skin was now the same colour of Hichigo's. "Kill me now," he said.

"What are you talking about, Kage-chan?" Hichigo asked. "It'll be fun!"

"It'll be torture," Zangetsu said.

"Hey, I'm Tiff, now let's line up in lines, and we'll get this show on the road!" she said enthusiastically.

A lot of people tried to escape, Zangetsu included, but was repelled by Kurotsuchi's barriers, but the mad scientist was nowhere to be seen at this point. Some people actually thought about killing the woman on stage, but the presence of the head captain on stage quickly changed their minds. So people did eventually line up, but the less willing to do the session ended up at the very back.

This group was made up of Byakuya, Zangetsu, Ichigo, Toshiro, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Shunsui, Kira, and Hisagi.

Shunsui just got out a bottle of sake from somewhere, laid down, and started drinking. The others sweat dropped at him, but it seems like the woman didn't notice, because she kept on going with her tutorial.

"Now, I'm going to teach you guys some moves, that we'll use in the song we'll dance to," Tiff said. "We'll take two steps to the right," and she took two steps to the right. The entire group of shinigami (apart from the slackers at the back) followed her. "Now we'll raise our left foot," she raised it, "And then we'll have the tip of the foot pointing outwards, and then have it come in towards you like so." 

And so, most of the shinigami and the only hollow followed her every move, and well, the ones (and zanpukto) at the back didn't.

Zangetsu sat down in the corner, and started to sleep, Shunsui was still drinking, some joined him, some stared at the woman and the ido*ts dancing along with her, wondering what to do, Byakuya lent against the wall, crossed his arms, and closed his eyes.

Ichigo sighed. Up near the front, was Rukia, in dancing away, and even Chad was following along. Thankfully his dancing wasn't like Rukia.

"Right, now we're going to add some music to it!"

The crazy woman went over to some big stereo, picked up her IPhone, and selected a song. The stereo started pumping out some foul music, which made the majority of the front section scream of delight, and others cried out with disgust, and clamped their hands over their ears.

"And I was like baby, baby, ooooooooh!" Filled the hall.

Ichigo felt like he wanted to puke. People wiggling their arses in front of your face, and Justin Beaver rolled into one were never a good combination. Then guess who Ichigo spotted near the back of the dancing.

Kenpachi. Sure, his face was screwed up with disgust, and he was putting 1/1000 th of effort into the thing, but still, he was dancing. Then Ichigo spotted Yachiru next to him, with a big grin on her face. It was most likely that she forced him to do it. Still, Ichigo could do with a bucket right now.

Looking around at the other slackers, Ichigo wondered what to do. Then he got a good idea. He strolled over to Shunsui, Hisagi, and Kira, and asked,

"Would one of you guys do a favour for me, in exchange for sake?"

"Yes!" all three chirped together drunkenly.

"Okay, I only need one so-" the strawberry was cut off with the drunken roars of,

"WE'LL FIGHT FOR IT!"

Ichigo sighed and sweat dropped.

Kira and Hisagi started wresting with each other, and Shunsui just sat back, and watched the fighting. He already had a massive underground warehouse underneath his barracks full of sake, so he didn't need anymore.

Hisagi won the brawl, and so Ichigo explained to him what he had to do.

"Okay, so we'll go into my inner world, find a pole; you'll destroy it with your Kido-"

"Wha type o' Kido?" Hisagi slurred, almost sounding like non-hyper Hichigo.

"Any one that destroys the pole completely," Ichigo said.

"But which one?" Hisagi asked again.

"I don't know!" Ichigo snapped.

"Use Hado number... 38*!" Shunsui shouted.

"Yeah, I'll use that one!" the lieutenant of Squad 9 shouted back.

Ichigo had no idea what it was, but sadly he would find out sooner or later if Hisagi did agree to their deal. It reminded him of the time when he asked Rukia to teach him Kido.

* * *

><p>A few weeks ago...<p>

"Hey, Rukia, could you teach me how to use Kido?" the strawberry asked her.

"Okay, but that means that you can't laugh at Renji when he tries to use Kido," she said.

Ichigo scowled at her. "Why not?"

"Because you'll suck at it," she replied.

"You don't know because I haven't tried yet!"

"But you can't control your reaitsu well,"

Ichigo huffed. "I'll still be able to do it better than that red pineapple."

"Fine then, I'll teach you, but if you can't do it after a while, I won't teach you anymore,"

I'll show her. Ichigo thought.

Rukia was right.

A few moments later.

"Divide Goddess, one born of the earth," Ichigo chanted while scowling. "Balancer of the animals and plants, stabilizer of the earth, push thy object, Hado number 1, Sho!" (Sho means "clash/thrust")

He pointed at the book in front of him, concentrating all his reaitsu in his two fingers to try to make it work.

The book didn't even move.

"Fool," Rukia said.

"Look, it's not my fault, it's just that you're a cr*p teacher!" Ichigo shouted.

He then grabbed Rukia's sketch book, and pointed at the drawing at the page. It was of a bunny, with lines directed towards its outstretched fingers.

"Your drawings suck, and don't help at all!" he shouted.

"Hado number 1, Sho!" Rukia chanted, and pointed her fingers at the book that Ichigo was trying to move before. It then flew across the room, and into Ichigo's face.

"That's what's mean to happen when you use that Kido," she pointed out.

"You little..." Ichigo started. "You didn't even say the incantation!"

Rukia then grabbed a large and heavy book, placed it on the desk and started chanting, "Divide Goddess..."

Ichigo then bolted out of the room.

He didn't ask for any more lessons afterwards.

* * *

><p>The strawberry then got Hisagi to go to his inner world with Urahara's strawberry invention.<p>

Hisagi instantly laid down when he entered.

"How can you stand like that on the side of a building?" Hisagi asked him, still drunk. "You'll fall!"

"Nah, it's just the gravity here is different," Ichigo reassured him. "You can stand up."

**Ichigo.**

"Ahhhhhh, the buildings are talking!" Hisagi shouted. "What have I been drinking?"

"It's just my zanpukto speaking," Ichigo told him. "Yes, old man?"

**Can you get some of Hichigo's candy, because he looks like he's not all too hyper**?

"Uh, sure," Ichigo responded.

"The buildings are... Talking!" Hisagi shouted.

"No, they're not, just come with me," Ichigo said, while dragging the drunk Hisagi to the old man emo pole.

They arrived at the pole, and Ichigo plonked the lieutenant in front of it, and said, "Do that Kido thing to the pole,"

"Sayplease," Hisagi slurred.

Ichigo sighed. Sure, when people got drunk, they acted weirdly, but Ichigo didn't think Hisagi was the type of person to get drunk like this. Maybe he should get Zangetsu drunk, video tape him, and see what he says/does. Maybe put it up on YouTube.

"... Please," Ichigo said.

"Okay then!" Hisagi shouted. "Hado number 38, Mystical Unknown Random Foot!"

As the name said, a large random foot came out of nowhere, and stepped on the pole, then lifted itself off. The pole had disappeared.

Ichigo sweat dropped. "That's a Kido spell?"

"Yeah, and it's an awesome spell!" the lieutenant shouted.

"... Just get out of here already," Ichigo said while pointing at the strawberry invention.

Drunken Hisagi surprisingly didn't put up a fuss, and left.

Ichigo then went over to Hichigo's candy stash. The mountain of candy was back, but the boxes weren't. Ichigo just found a bag, and stuffed it full of candy. Then he had an idea.

"Hey, Zangetsu," he said.

**What is it, Ichigo?**

"Because I'll probably get some more shinigami destroying your poles, can you tell me where you get all your poles?" Ichigo asked.

Silence... Maybe that was a stupid question…

**... Fine.**

"Wait, what?"

**I'm only letting you know, so you can beat Hichigo. I don't want the world to be destroyed/ruled by a manic, hyper on candy.**

"Good point,"

Zangetsu then guided Ichigo to his pole warehouse. The strawberry slid open the massive door and sweat dropped. The poles were lined up in straight rows and columns. They filled up the entire warehouse.

"Hichigo and I joked about you having a pole warehouse many times, but I didn't think it was actually real!" Ichigo shouted.

**Just remember where it is, and don't lose.**

"I won't," Ichigo promised.

The substitute shinigami then picked up one of the poles, walked over to the place where the old man emo's poles stood, and slotted his pole in the hole. Ichigo then left his inner world to the horrors of the Aerobics class.

* * *

><p>{Here's a long list of what each person was doing that we know of, apart from the slackers (but we can't blame them, can we?).}<p>

Our favourite white albino hollow was hyper as usual, having been refilled with more candy by Ichigo. He was right up the front, and dancing like crazy, and was freaking out Tiff a lot. Some people thought he was having a fit.

Rukia was enthusiastic about this, and was dancing away all the time.

Orihime was the same, and her jugs were bouncing up and down... A lot. She had attracted quite a lot of men.

Rangiku was in the same boat as her.

Omaeda was being forced to do it by Soi-Fon#, and was sweating heaps. Occasionally, Soi-Fon would punish her lieutenant, and shout at him.

So Soi-Fon wasn't really dancing, she was just bossing around Omaeda.

Chad surprisingly was actually doing the aerobics exercise, but not very well.

Kenpachi as said before, was dancing, but was hardly doing it. Yachiru was forcing him to do it, and she was having a great time.

Komura was just dancing around, but he wasn't over the top, and Iba was doing the same.

Unohana and Isane was the same. A few times Omaeda stopped, ignoring his captain, and Unohana would give him her "other" smile, and ask,

"Why stop, lieutenant Omaeda?"

This caused him to freak out, and continue doing the aerobics.

Nanao was near the back, so she was constantly getting him to do the aerobics, while dancing of course. She wasn't over the top with her dancing as well. However, her captain shouted a few comments, like,

"You're so good, lovely Nanao-chan!"

And

"Shake that ass, Nanao-chan!" (This comment made her run over and smack him in the head with the book, and run back, while complaining about it.)

Head Captain Yamamoto was dancing… very enthusiastically. Sojiro (his lieutenant) was following along with him.

(And well, for the seated officers, let's just ignore them, okay?)

"Whose stupid idea was it to make us do aerobics?" Ichigo asked to no one.

Somewhere, a black cat sneezed.

* * *

><p>*Random number. I have no idea if this is taken. Please let me know if it is taken!<p>

# Is also known as Sui-Feng.

… Well… I thought it was going to be long… The total word count is 3,586. It took me really long to write it though. This chapter is going to continue into the next one, so hell will continue for Ichigo and others. I'm planning to have Hichigo to destroy a pole next chapter, so I'm all open for ideas. 'Til next time!


	14. Circus of Hell

Thanks to dromna lord for providing me with this really good idea!

Just a warning, things may get a bit hectic, but hopefully, it's full of laughs! XD

The thing I posted up before about the "!" thing didn't work... So I'm going to just put "KING!" instead of extending the letters and exclamation marks.

I'm switching to first person. It'll switch between Ichigo and Hichigo, and maybe others. It's because I've been writing with it for another Fanfic of mine, and have quite liked doing it. Anyway,

{Ichigo} is Ichigo's POV and

{Hichigo} is Hichigo's POV.

{-Insert name here-} is anybody else's (obviously there will a name in there).

We'll see how it goes. If it's better or worse, let me know!

I don't own Bleach. If I did, why the hell would I be writing all this cr*p!

Also I don't own "Do you know how I know you're gay?", Circuses, top hats, candy, and actually Tiff.

"This someone talking into a microphone."

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

After I dropped drunken Hisagi back to the real world, I gave Hichigo his candy, and said, "I'm two points in front of you now,"

"Meanieeeeeee," he complained. "Stop destroying the poles!"

I then went back to my inner world to do some exploring to fill in some boredom. That and escaping from the shinigami/humans/hollow dancing.

I found a massive warehouse, that wasn't Hichigo's candy stash or Zangetsu's pole warehouse. The warehouse was filled with random things, from guitars, game boards, plushes, and books to TVs, DVD players, movies and other stuff. I looked though all the things, and realized something, they were all stuff that I had/ had seen/had read. There was also a bunch of other furniture that I'd seen before, but they weren't in my house. I then had an idea.

I went back to the real world, and invited all of the slackers to the place. Sure, things would be crazy, but they would go insane like that albino ido*t up front if they were kept in these conditions for any longer. However, there was a dilemma when it came to Zangetsu.

"Zangetsu," I said while approaching the old man. "What do you think would happen if you came back in my inner world using this?"

I held up Urahara's invention, the stupid metal strawberry. He was making fun of me when he made this in this shape. He was also grinning when he handed it to me. That bastard...

"I don't know," Zangetsu said. "I'll stay here and keep an eye on Hichigo though."

"Thanks," I said.

Toshiro, Renji, Ikkaku, Yumichika, Shunsui, Kira, Hisagi and I left. Byakuya didn't want to come for some unknown reason.

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

I love dancing!

Kage-chan and I don't get to do this type of stuff in King's inner world!

Even though Kage-chan is sulking away at the back, but he's just emo. I wonder if he's slit his wrists yet.

I then dashed to the back of the weird hall thing, to Kage-chan. People were giving me weird looks, like I was albino or something... Oh, wait, I am albino. But anyway.

Kage-chan was frowning at me when I was walking over to him, though his sunglasses, even though we're in a room. Sunglasses are to protect your eyes from the sun! Not for decoration! A/N: Lol, they are for Zangetsu's case...

I frowned and looked at the note that suddenly appeared in my hands.

"... This is a note from God!" I shouted.

Then another note appeared in my hands.

A/N: No, go back to being crazy.

I shrugged. Kage-chan was scowling at me.

"Are you talking to yourself?" he asked.

"No, I was receiving messages from God!" I replied.

"..."

I then rushed over, pulled up one of his sleeves, and started checking it to see if it had scars on it.

"What are you doing now?" Kage-chan asked.

"I'm checking to see if you have any scars here!"

"Why?"

"To see if you're really emo!"

He pulled his arm away from me.

"I am not emo. If I was, I would be like Ulquiorra."

"You're both pretty similar."

"I don't call others trash."

"Touché,"

"How do you know how to use that word?"

"King's memories," I answered while grabbing his arm again, and inspecting it.

"But Ichigo doesn't use that word often,"

"King doesn't do a lot of things, like smiling, and eating chocolate. Apart from curry, it's his favourite food."

"I wonder why," Kage-chan said.

"You have a scar! You're emo!"

He frowned at me, and asked, "Where?"

I pointed it out to him. "You're emo like Batman!"

He frowned at me again. "Batman?"

"That guy that turned into a bat!"

"Ulquiorra,"

"Yeah!"

Kage-chan just shook his head at me. "Anyway, that scar was from when I was training Ichigo to obtain his Bankai."

"You're still an emo! Talking of King, shouldn't he be here at the back, or his he actually doing aerobics?"

Kage-chan pointed out to me where he was. He was lying down, face down on the floor.

"KING! KING!" I shouted and ran over to him. "YOU CAN'T BE DEAD; I STILL HAVE TO TAKE OVER YOUR BODY AND TORTURE YOU, AND BEAT YOU AND TAKE OVER YOUR BODY!"

"He's not dead, he's just gone to his inner world," Kage-chan told me.

"Oh. Are all the others around him gone over there too?"

"Yes,"

"What are they possibly going to do there?"

"I don't want to know,"

I shrugged and made my way back to the front of the hall.

I saw some guy with a roof on his head appear in front of Beardy, talk to him, and then disappear.

Beardy then interrupted Curly, and told everyone, "I have to go away on important matters. Nobody try anything while I'm away."

He eyed me when he said that last sentence. Why was he having suspicions of me? I mean, sure, I am planning to do something, but why immediately think of me to be the one to do it?

Beardy then disappeared along with that other dude, who King didn't know the name of.

Curly had followed Beardy's gaze from before, and I could see fear in her eyes.

I grinned manically. This wa' goin' ta be fun.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

"Yumichika, get your butt out of my face!" Ikkaku shouted. "We all know that you're a homosexual, but you don't have to make a big deal out of it!"

I sighed. We were playing Twister, and I'd opt out of it, because it's a stupid game that Hichigo would love to play.

"I am not gay, okay?" Yumichika said.

"Do you know how I know you're gay?" Ikkaku started, and everybody groaned.

I never knew that the Soul Society had Internet. Yumichika however looked confused, and asked,

"How?"

Everybody groaned again.

"Your ass is in my face," Ikkaku answered.

"Do you how know I know you're gay?" Yumichika asked.

Everybody groaned again.

"Okay, let's just continue on the game!" Renji shouted.

"How?" Ikkaku asked.

"When you spar with people, you are shirtless*," Yumichika said.

Lucky I wasn't playing Twister, because it looked like the fight would go on for forever. Toshiro wasn't playing Twister as well; he was off by himself outside the warehouse. I don't know what he's doing, but I saw some snowflakes before, and I shivered a few times before.

"Do you know how I know you're gay?" Ikkaku asked.

"How?" Yumichika asked.

"You glue feathers on your face,"

"Do you know how I know you're gay?"

"How?"

"You wear that red eyeliner,"

"Do you know how I know you're gay?"

"How?"

"You use 20 different shampoos for your hair,"

"Do you know how I know you're gay?"

"How?"

"You have no hair to use shampoo with,"

"Do you know how I know you're gay?"

I snickered at Renji, who was trembling. Hisagi and Kira who were also playing the game were having troubles too. Shunsui was off drinking.

"Okay, we all know that you're gay, Ichigo, but you don't have to laugh at others about it," Renji said.

"I am not gay!" I shouted.

"Are too," he said. "For how long has been Rukia in your closet for? And what has happened between you two?"

"Shaaup," I said. "As far as I'm aware, she's still a kid, I mean, look at her boobs! She's flat chested!"

"Dude, she's like three times your age,"

"But Soul Society works differently, so I have no idea about that sort of stuff,"

"And you have five girls that potentially like you, including Rukia,"

"If Rukia liked me, she would have told me. Plus, who are the others? And how you know this stuff?"

"I have my sources," Renji said.

Somewhere a black cat sneezed.

A/N: I think I'm getting a cold...

"So who the hell are the others?" I asked him.

"Orihime, Nel, Rurika, and Senna."

"Who's Rurika and Senna?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot we're not up to that yet, the cat told me about that," Renji said. "And everybody's meant to have forgotten about Senna, because she didn't really exist."

"What the hell are you talking about?" I asked, getting really confused.

"Fine then, there's three girls chasing after you," Renji said. "And have you gone out with any of them?"

"No, but I didn't know that they actually liked me until you told me,"

"That's how gay you are."

"Shut up, I'm not gay!"

"Do you know how I know you're gay?" Ikkaku asked.

"How?" Yumichika replied.

"You scream like a fan girl when Edward Cullen sparkles," Ikkaku answered.

"Do you know how I know you're gay?" Yumichika asked.

"How?" Ikkaku responded.

"You scream like a fan girl when the topless werewolves come on screen," Yumichika answered.

"Dude they're wannabe werewolves," Ikkaku said. "They suck, like you do with a guy's cock."

Toshiro then came in, and the wind turned icy. There were even snowflakes all around the place. I think even the doors that he came though were frozen. He on the other hand looked pissed.

"If I hear ONE MORE THING ABOUT SOMEONE BEING GAY, THEY WILL NOT SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!" He hissed at us. "Is that clear?"

We all nodded. He then walked back outside, and when the frozen doors closed, everybody who was playing the Twister game immediately fell to the floor.

"Get off me Yumichika!" Ikkaku shouted.

"Watch what you say, people could take it the wrong way," Renji pointed out.

Toshiro then came in again, grabbed Renji, and dragged him off somewhere.

I sighed. Id*ot.

I wonder how Zangetsu's holding up with the aerobics.

* * *

><p>{Zangetsu}<p>

I hate Hichigo so much right now.

I'm hanging from my cloak on the wall on some hooks, and I can't get down.

I was going to tell Ichigo about all the madness that's going on beneath me, but that crazy hollow at the start said:

"I'll kill ev'rybody he'e if ya tell him!"

Then he grabbed me, and hung me up here. I thought Ichigo gave him his candy? I know that Hichigo at the moment is not hyper. I think it's because Hichigo wanted to become non-hyper. But right now, he's even more insane. I've seen him lots of times not hyper, but he wasn't as crazy as this.

Right now, he had set up a torture course. You had to jump though the flaming hoop, be shot across the over side of the room by a cannon, walk on a tightrope (with nothing below to catch you) to a trampoline, run past tigers, do a variety of weird and painful poses, and ride on a horse standing back to the hoop.

I have no idea where he got this stuff from. Or the top hat, suit, and cane that he's wearing right now. Or how his mind works.

Lots of people have tried to disobey him, but they have been servilely tortured, wrapped in bandages, and hung from these strips. Some have been struggling with them, and I think someone's bouncing up and down to snap the cloth that they're hanging from. Problem is that no one in this room can fight Hichigo, because he's too strong and Kenpachi at the start was released outside the building. I never knew that Hichigo was a Kido expert. It could be because Ichigo fails at it.

Tiff (the aerobics instructor) was the first to be bandaged. She was saying that she was in charge, and Hichigo simply turned into that monster that he calls Alexander (but for some reason not when he's hyper), and she screamed, and tried to run away. He sonidoed in front of her, wrapped her in bandages, and hung her up where she is now.

Watching all the people doing the torture course makes me wonder how long, and tall this hall is. I hope the older man comes back soon, because this is complete and utter chaos. Hopefully Ichigo doesn't come back soon, because if he fought Alexander, he definitely wouldn't win.

"Ya there!" I heard Hichigo shout. "I need ya ta do somethin' for me!"

I looked down to see the person he shouted to. It was a long blonde haired girl with massive boobs.

I think her name is Rangiku, searching after searching through Ichigo's memories.

My guess is that he's going to destroy one of my poles with her.

"What is it?" She asked.

"I need ya to destroy a po'e," he said.

If I was Ichigo, and not hanging by my cloak, I would've face palmed.

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

I got the woman with the huge tits to destroy a pole for me. When I asked her, she responded with, "Will I get anything?"

I thought about my answer for a bit, and searched though Ichigo's memories. Then I found something useful.

"I'll b'y ya som' sake," I told her.

She eyed me curiously. "How much?"

"... Thre' bott'es," I said.

"Where do I go?" She responded.

I grinned. I'll catch up to that strawberry bastard. And I'll beat him, and take over his body. I'll rule the world, and kill his friends with his body and, and...

"Are you okay?" the big boobed girl asked me.

I nodded. "Yea', I'm fine. Jus' stay stil' n' I'll take ya the'e."

I placed my hand on her shoulder, and felt her tense up from the touch. In a blinding flash, we were gone, and in King's inner world.

Rangiku (I think) looked in awe at the sideways buildings.

"Wow!" She exclaimed. "How come we aren't falling down?"

I shrugged. "Ask th't ta tha own'r o' thi' w'rld."

"Who owns it?" She asked.

"King," I repiled.

"Who?"

"Ichigo,"

"Okay then," Rangiku answered. "Now where's this pole?"

I showed her the way to the place, jumping onto the skyscrapers. Finally we made our way there, and she asked me,

"Is there a certain way that I have to destroy it?"

I nodded. "Ya have ta use yar Zanpukto."

She nodded. "Okay, fine then." The shinigami grabbed the hilt of her katana, and chanted, "Growl, Haneko!" while pulling it out, making it disappear in a grey cloud.

She then swung her hilt down in front of the pole, so the ash attacked, and destroyed the pole. The woman then made her Zanpuckto a sword again, and sheathed it.

"So when do I get my bottles of sake?" She asked.

"Afterwards," I said, even though I wasn't planning to buy them for her.

We were then teleported us both out of there, and to the real world. A certain old man wasn't too happy with me when I returned.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

The twister battle had finally finished, and Renji had been defrosted. After some thought, I decided that I would take a look at how the aerobics were doing, because we would be screwed because of the old man found out. I told the guys where I was going, but they were too busy fighting among themselves to realize. I think they found a stash of sake. I wonder whose it is. Maybe it's Zangetsu's.

I went outside, and then went to the real world.

When I got there, the whole room was pretty much empty, except the other guys' bodies, Zangetsu standing next to us, old man and Hichigo on the stage, with the old man shouting at Hichigo.

"What happened this time?" I asked Zangetsu.

"He made the other shinigami do a mini course and hang people from the ceiling with bandages," the Zanpukto explained. "You guys are in trouble too, you know? Because you people skipped out on the course."

I then saw one of the old man's eyes open at it stared at me. I gulped. This was going to be fun…

* * *

><p>*Okay, I don't know what chaptervolume/episode it's in, but after Aizen's gone off from Soul Society, and a week has passed, Ikkaku starts sparing with his Squad 11 members (Ichigo joins in, and the sparing is interrupted by Kenpachi wanting to fight again with Ichigo) he is shirtless. When he's in Bankai too, he's shirtless, but yeah.

Well, I don't own Tiff too much, because she was based on the aerobics instructor I was saying about before. I don't know if her name's actually Tiff though. But I do admit that a lot of her is made up. Well, I quite like writing in first person now. Maybe I should've done that from the start… Oh well. Tell me if it's better or worse, please!


	15. Life of Ichigo

This chapter is a mini crossover on The Life of Brian, by Monty Python. Most of the lines aren't 100% right, but funny never the less. Crazy ideas sure do come out of my head. It's advised to watch the movie beforehand, you poor, poor people. I'm still going to keep it in first person.

Oh, I'm sorry to Moonstar2015, who provided the idea of Rangiku to destroy the pole. I forgot!

I don't own Bleach, Life of Brian, or its songs. I wish I did, otherwise I would probably be the most famous person on Earth.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

So, I was in my inner world, after a few days after the whole aerobics incident. The old man obliviously wasn't happy at all. The whole of us, which was Hichigo, Renji, Ikkaku, Toshiro, Yumichika, Shunsui, and I had to do Squad Four jobs, which was cleaning out the sewers, cleaning other places, carry stuff to places, serve as maids, etc. It was horrible. It made me feel bad for the Squad Fours.

But right now, I was wearing a type of robe, with a Jewish cap on my head, because my crazy hollow, had forced me to wear them.

"Okay, Hichigo, why the hell am I wearing these stupid things?" I demanded.

He pouted. "They're not that stupid. You've seen "The Life of Brian", haven't you?"

I nodded. I had quite liked it actually.

"Well, we're going to re-enact the whole entire thing, with Kage-chan! …When he gets changed."

The work that the old man put me through before sounded quite appealing right now.

"We're going to re-enact the whole of that movie," I said. "With just the three of us."

The hollow nodded.

"You're insane, no, wait, you were always insane. But then what parts are we all going to play?"

"You get the main character role, of Brian, Zangetsu gets to be your mother, Julia and some others, and I get all the background roles."

I pitied Zangetsu. He got the most stupid roles of all, but he did have the longest hair here. Maybe he wasn't coming out, because of his costume.

But then, Zangetsu appeared, but I could tell that he was not happy at all. For starters, he wasn't wearing his sunglasses; he was wearing a long black sack like dress, and he had to shave. Even though the expression he was wearing was the same, I could definitely tell that he was furious. But then again, it was this, or getting hunted down by that monster thing.

A/N: It's ALEXANDER!

I frowned and looked around. Where the hell did this note come from?

Hichigo then exclaimed, "It's a note from God!"

He then tore the note out of my grasp, and read it. He then looked at me.

"Did you call Alexander a thing again in your mind?" he asked.

"Yeah," I replied.

"It definitely has to be God!" He shouted.

"Aren't we going to re-enact a movie which makes fun of Christianity?" Zangetsu asked.

"But I don't believe in Christianity," Hichigo pointed out. "I don't think the three of us do. But I'm going to make my own religion after this!"

"At the start, it won't be a religion, it'll be a type of cult," I pointed out. "But what will you achieve? You're stuck in here."

"I'll convert you, and you can spread the word to the world!"

"Good luck trying to do that,"

"Actually, no, I'll start it when I win the contest, and take over your body!"

"Yeah, and who's winning now?"

"Meanie! Fine then, I'll go and destroy one now!"

"But what about-" I covered Zangetsu's mouth with my hand as Hichigo stomped off to destroy the pole.

When he was gone, I lifted it.

"It's so we don't have to re-enact that movie right now," I told him.

"Good idea," he said.

* * *

><p>After a while, Hichigo came back, shouting, "It's now even!"<p>

"... You need to destroy two, Hichigo," I pointed out.

"Nuh nah!" he said. "I got that big boobed chick to do it for me before!"

"Orihime?" I asked.

"Nah, the other one!"

"Rangiku?"

"Yeah!"

"Then how did you destroy this one?"

"I got salty water and dumped it all over the pole, and it got rusty, and I stood on it, and it collapsed!"

"Way too many ands in that sentence," Zangetsu said.

"I don't care, Kage-chan!" The hollow bellowed at him.

"Wait, where did you get the water from?" I asked.

"You don't want to know, King," Hichigo said.

"Don't tell me..." I trailed off. I didn't know he was smart enough to do that. Maybe I shouldn't ask about the salt.

"Now in your positions!" he cried.

"What do you mean?" I asked. "I have no idea what to say at this bit."

"Improvise!" Hichigo said. "Zangetsu knows it all!"

I looked over at Zangetsu.

"He's not lying, you know," my zanpuckto told me.

That surprised me, because I thought he was an emo, and definitely not one who likes comedy.

Hichigo then got out a camera and a tripod, and said, "Okay, we're filming now!"

"Wait, wait, I don't know what we're doing now!" I shouted.

Hichigo then darted in front me, and we were all facing a hill, covered in cardboard people, with one man in white robes at the top. There was a tape in the back ground playing with what I think was Hichigo talking complete rubbish.

"Speak up!" Zangetsu crowed.

"Then get closer to him," I pointed out.

"Let's go to the stoning," Zangetsu said.

"What are you talking about, we're not in the medieval period," I said.

"Shh," Hichigo said.

"I want to know what this drabble is about though," I said.

"Come on, Brian," Zangetsu said.

"My name's Ichigo, not Brian," I pointed out.

"Will you be quiet!" Hichigo shouted.

"Shut up, whitey!" I shouted back at him.

"What did you tell me?" he asked, raising his voice.

"Are you deaf? I said, shut up, whitey," I told him.

"Shut up, big nose," He told me.

"Huh? I don't have a big nose!"

"It's because of the Roman blood in you!"

"I'm not Roman, I'm bloody Japanese! Where have you been living, you fool?"

"I've been living here all my life!"

"What, in a deserted area? No wonder why you think I'm a Roman. That empire fell long ago."

"Let's go to the stoning," Zangetsu crowed in some awful voice, and dragged me away.

"What are you doing, old man?" I asked.

"I'm not a man!" Zangetsu said in that same awful voice. "I'm not old ether! I'm your mother, and don't forget that!"

"What are you- ah, I'm sorry, mother," I said.

Zangetsu then lead me down a street, with cameras stalking us everywhere. Non-hyper Hichigo had definitely paid here a visit.

"Now, don't forget, I'm your dad," Zangetsu said, while pulling on a fake beard.

"What, but you just said-" I said, and then was cut off by Hichigo behind a stall.

"Fine day for stoning isn't it?" He asked.

"We're not in the medieval period," I said. "The date is the 29th of November, 2011 CE."

"But the date now is year 33, Saturday afternoon, about teatime, sir," Hichigo said.

I would've face palmed then. I was messing up all my lines. Oh well, I may as well trash the thing.

"Do you two fancy any rocks?" Hichigo asked.

"What the hell, I don't want any pet rocks," I said.

"It's for the stoning, lad," Hichigo pointed out.

"You're all cruel people," I said. "Why do this to a poor innocent man?"

"It's because he said the word," Hichigo said.

"What word?" I asked.

"I can't say it; otherwise I'll be killed,"

"I don't care about you, I care about the word, now tell me, otherwise I'll kill you myself,"

"I'll have those two stones, and that one, and those four," Zangetsu butted in. "Do you want any, Brian?"

"My name is Ichigo, get it right Mum- Dad," I said.

"But your name is Brian," Zangetsu said.

"I told you, it's Ichigo," I said. "And no, I don't want a pet rock."

I could tell by the looks on Hichigo and Zangetsu's faces that I was stuffing up majorly. I was succeeding, but I think they can't stop the videoing, and tell me want to do, because of how many cameras there are. It'll easy to trash the thing.

* * *

><p>Later on in the production...<p>

I fell down, on a card board man, knocking him off, and I was holding a type of candle thing. I looked around for what to do next. There was Zangetsu next to me saying some type of non-sense, and an excited card board crowd below me. Luckily, I remembered what I had to do, and what I could say next.

"Behold the fabulous candle, which illuminates stuff," I said.

"What type of stuff?" Hichigo asked in the crowd.

"Your mother," I said.

"That's not very nice," Hichigo said.

"Nor are you, you self-absorbed crazy man," I said. "Well, you're not really a man..."

"Then what does this candle do?" Hichigo asked.

"It is the spark of life, the essence of... Fruit..." I trailed off. "And I've forgotten the rest."

I then jumped off the platform thing I was standing on, and tried to walk through the crowd.

"Wait, what else?" Hichigo asked.

"That's it," I said. "Now go away."

"Please tell us more!" Hichigo shouted.

"I'm a substitute shinigami with no clue what I'm doing," I said.

"Why not?"

"Because you're a manic, now I've got to get going, bye!"

"Wait! Can we have your candle?"

"No, it's my candle."

I then started walking off, even though I had to clue where to go.

"Please tell us more!" Hichigo cried after me.

"Fine, it is that because it's God, now go away," I said, while still walking off.

"Please, can we hold God?" Hichigo asked.

"No, it's my God," I said.

"Please?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No,"

"Please?"

"No,"

Then remembering something from the movie, I dashed off, with the cardboard crowd plus Hichigo running after me. Then I fell into a hole, which Zangetsu was in, with a grey beard, and hair. Thankfully he wasn't fully naked.

"Ow!" He cried.

"What?" I asked. "I haven't done anything to you, so why are you saying ow?"

"Damn, damn, damn," Zangetsu said.

"Shut up, old man," I hissed. "This big crowd is stalking me, and if you don't want them to come, you should better shut up."

"Are you telling me to shut up?" Zangetsu crowed. "I haven't spoken for 18 years! I want to sing and shout! I'm alive! I'm alive!"

"Fine, your choice," I said, and sat down.

"I'm alive, I'm alive, I'm alive!" Zangetsu cried, while jumping up and down.

"How much of whitey's candy have you been eating, old man?" I asked.

"I've just been eating jullibrubra berries!"

"Well they must have high sugar content in them. Wait, what are they?"

Then Hichigo and his cardboard crowd then found us.

"Oh Messiah," He said.

"I'm not the Messiah, I'm a substitute shinigami," I pointed out.

"You are the Messiah!" Hichigo shouted.

"No, I am not!" I shouted back at him.

"The true Messiah is the one who denies who he is!" Hichigo said.

"I am the Messiah then!" I shouted. "Now f*ck off!"

"He is the Messiah!" Hichigo shouted.

"Alright then," I said while lifting myself out of the hole.

I then got Zangetsu, my sword,* and said, "I'll cut though all of you if you don't f*ck off."

Hichigo and his crowd scrambled away, and then Zangetsu came dressed in his girl costume, and said, "Brian,"

"For f*ck's sake, its Ichigo," I said.

* * *

><p>Later, later in the filming...<p>

I was strapped to a cross, half naked, and pissed. I had gone through so much stuff, and at times enjoyed it. I had screwed up all of this, and I knew what was coming next. Singing. Sure, it was a good song, but I'm not going to sing it.

"Oh, cheer up, Brian," Hichigo said behind me.

"It's Ichigo, and unless you want me to come over there and kill you, shut up," I told him.

"Don't you want to hear a sing to cheer you up?" He asked.

"No, piss off," I said.

"Please," he said.

"I've got a sword here, and I'm not afraid to use it," I threatened.

"And, always look on the bright side of life," he sung.

"Right," I then got Zangetsu again in my hand, broke the robe, cut the others and jumped down.

I then cut though the base of Hichigo's cross, and it toppled over. After a few seconds, Hichigo started laughing.

"You were really good, King!" he shouted. "Now we just need to do the alien part, the starting bit with me and Zangetsu, and the editing, and we're done!"

"... Fine," I said.

* * *

><p>Weeks later...<p>

YouTube is a terrible thing.

Hichigo had posted up the whole entire thing up on YouTube. I got whispers and murmurs, in school, and a few people had asked me about it.

I wonder if there's some way I can kill Hichigo.

*Well, this is from the anime, from the horrid Bounto arc, and I think Ichigo once made it so Zangetsu (the sword) appear in his hands. Also it happened again when Ichigo was fighting his hollow, and he had the weird hallucinations/daydreams (I have no idea what they were). When Kariya (the main bounto/bount evil dude) showed up, Ichigo had no sword, then Ichigo concentrated and closed his eyes, and then he had a sword. Because it doesn't clash with the manga, I'm using it. Plus I said got, not some over word, because I have no idea what really to use.

No, he'll be with you forever, and ever, Ichigo... I think. I have no idea if he's still alive now, for whatever. Meh, we'll know... In a few months... (That was a joke, I mean no real harm...) I'd like to say that I know Ichigo at times is a bit OOC, but I tried to make it as Ichigo as possible. If I hadn't toned it down a bit, it would be a lot crazier.

Thanks for your reviews! I love receiving every one of them, that's why I always PM you back (if I can)!

Anyway... I'm also doing another fanfic while keeping up this one (this one comes first though), and it's called Bleached Zombies. Not like Poles, but I thought I should let you guys know that it's going as well.

Oh, I need more suggestions! The list is growing dangerously small! Because of this, possibly the next time I post, I'll be the Christmas Special, then after that one the New Year's one.

'til next time!


	16. IT'S CHRISTMAS!

I have caught the Skyrim flu. I've been playing Skyrim too much, and I panicked a bit because of the due dates, because I had to compete in a competition (a fanfic one), get this one done, and then get the New Year's Eve written straight afterwards. Because I've been playing Skyrim, I threw in a joke in that's been going around from there. I may get some stones pelted at me, but it was something I HAD to do.

I don't own Bleach. High quality experts don't do self inserts (I guess you could call it that...), nor do they portray themselves as manic black hollow mage hero cats... not that I know of.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

"Strawberrrrrryyy!" Somebody called.

I was in bed, not bothering to get up, because it was the holidays. I know it's not Pops, because thankfully he doesn't wake me up in the holidays. Then something landed on my bed. I then sat up, and tried to see who it was. A black cat was grinning back at me.

"Get up, sleepyhead!" she said. "It's 11 o' clock!"

"Yoruichi-san?" I asked.

"Why do you always ask that?" she asked. "It's Kurohollow, and don't forget it."

"Oh, it's you," I said.

"Don't say that!" she complained. "I'm the writer of this fic, and I can do nastier stuff to you if I wanted it,"

I just snorted, got up, and started to get changed.

"Whoa, whoa, tell me beforehand that you're getting changed!" Kurohollow told me. "I may be a cat, but I'm still a girl! By the way, where is Rukia?"

"I thought you wouldn't want to be around her, because she's a shinigami," I pointed out.

"Well, she doesn't really know that I'm a hollow, so I should be safe for now," she said.

"I don't know where she is," I told her.

"What, she lives in your closet, and you don't know where she is?"

"I just got up, okay. Look downstairs, she may be there,"

"Okay. Can you let me out, please?"

"Can't you use your stave thing to do that?"

"Yeah, but I don't have my stave on me now."

"Fine," I then opened the door for the cat.

"Thanks!" she shouted, and bounded off.

I slammed the door shut. I wasn't the best mood, because I knew she was the one who made me do all of that Life of Brian things, and the aerobics, and many other things. I can't wait for the next 8 months...

I then got dressed, and went downstairs to check on that black cat.

She was being hugged almost to death by Yuzu. Kurohollow was yowling, and desperately trying to get out of Yuzu's suffocating grip.

"Yuzu, you're suffocating her," I pointed out.

"No I'm not!" Yuzu retorted. "She likes it, don't you, Kitty?"

Kurohollow didn't reply at all.

"See?" Yuzu pointed out.

I sighed. It was almost like dealing with a six year old.

Kurohollow then reached up and scratched Yuzu on the cheek, making Yuzu scream, and clutch her cheek in shock. The cat then took the chance to bound up to my room.

"Come back, Kitty!" Yuzu called.

Kurohollow didn't come down at all. I wasn't surprised, because of what my sister did to her, especially calling her that stupid name.

Yuzu took a step forward, as if she was going to go upstairs to find the cat.

"Don't worry," I quickly said. "I'll go get her."

"Thanks, Onii-chan!" Yuzu thanked, and went back to preparing things for Christmas.

I would help her, but I need to sort out that cat. I then walked back upstairs, to my room, to find Rukia now in there, talking with the cat.

"Do you know about Chappy?" Rukia asked.

"Yeah. I used to like Chappy... Until I got an arrow in the knee*," Kurohollow joked.

Rukia frowned. Being a shinigami and all, she had no clue what the joke was about. I knew about the joke, because Keigo tried to pull it off a few days ago, but none of us knew about it.

I shut the door behind me, and said, "She doesn't know about that, Kurohollow."

"I know, I just wanted to tease her," Kurohollow said.

Rukia stiffened. That was a bad thing to say.

Kurohollow had obviously realized that and so age said, "I'm just joking, Rukia! It just slipped out!"

"... Okay then," Rukia responded.

Obliviously if it was me, she would've called me fool, and moved on. If it was Kon however, he would probably be bashed for it. Where is Kon anyway?

"Hello fine ladies and Ichigo!" Kon shouted, coming out of my closet.

I sweat dropped. Speak of the devil.

"Holy sh*t, it's talking!" Kurohollow shouted. "Oh, sorry, I forgot about you."

"How could you forget about Kon-sama?" Kon proclaimed.

Kurohollow coughed. I'm guessing that she didn't like the added "sama" to the end.

Kon continued on, ether ignoring her, or not knowing what she was really intending. It would most likely the latter.

"Onii-chan!" Yuzu called downstairs. "Help me with decorating the place!"

"Whaa, she decorates the place at Christmas?" Kurohollow asked. "I don't decorate anything but the tree. I'm guessing that she's going to go overboard like last time."

"I'm guessing that you're going to just eat sweets and watching us put up the decorations?" Rukia asked the cat.

"Hey, I'm plump for a reason," Kurohollow pointed out.

"Onii-chan!" Yuzu called out again.

"Come on, let's just go downstairs," I suggested.

We all went downstairs, and then Yuzu saw Kurohollow, and started running after her, shouting, "Come here, Kitty! Puss, puss, puss!"

Kurohollow then bolted the other way, and out of a nearby window.

"Aw, she's gone!" Yuzu cried. "I was going to give her some turkey later!"

Kurohollow then stuck her head in through the window, and did what looked like a shrug, and muttered, "Nah, it 'ain't worth it."

She then disappeared again.

"… Onii-chan," Yuzu started. "Did Kitty just talk?"

I covered Kurohollow up by saying, "No, I think you're hearing things Yuzu."

"But I'm sure I heard her!" Yuzu complained.

Then Pops came in shouting, "I SMELL TURKEY!"

We then all sat down for dinner, because Pops was whining about how hungry he was. After dinner, I went back up stairs and Kurohollow was there.

"Did you bring any turkey for me?" She asked.

"No, I didn't," I told her.

"Awww," She moaned.

"I thought hollows don't enjoy Christmas," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but that's most hollows," she said.

"Do you guys have religions anyway?"

"Yeah, most of us are Mulletists who believe that Aizen is God, and you're the devil,"

"… I'm a devil?"

"Yup. I, of course don't believe that,"

"So what do you believe in?"

"I believe in Kuroanity."

"… I don't think that religion exists."

"It does!"

"Alright then, what do you "Kuroists" believe in?"

"Have you ever seen Trigun, or read the books?"

I shook my head. "No. What does that have to do with anything?"

Kurohollow sighed. "There's a black cat in Trigun, called Kuroneko-sama. Look her up, and you readers too."

"Okay…"I got out my laptop, and started searching for Trigun's black cat.

"When did you get a laptop?" Kurohollow asked.

I ignored her continued to search for Kuroneko-sama. A link popped up on google for the cat, and I clicked on it. The webpage came up with the picture of the cat, and some text describing it.

Kurohollow groaned. "I can't read Japanese…"

"But you've got some in your name," I pointed out.

"Yeah, but I only know a tiny, tiny, little bit of Japanese,"

"But why are you speaking it now?"

"My stave allows me to."

"But then why can't you get it to make you read this?"

"Because I can't be bothered."

I ignored her again, and looked at the page. "Hey, this doesn't say anything about there being a religion about her."

"That's because my religion is really small. We've been thinking on putting us up on the web, but we're all lazy."

"… Fine then. Tell me what your religion is about."

"Kuroneko-sama is god. That's why I get you to call me Kurohollow, instead of Kuroneko, because it would be violating laws and stuff. The whole thing is that Kuroneko-sama is the bringer of bad luck. That's why Vash in Trigun always gets into bad situations, because Kuroneko-sama is following him around. Kuroneko-sama also sends black cats to those who deserve bad luck."

Kurohollow then stared at me and started laughing.

"What?" I asked.

"I'm the bringer of bad luck for you, Kage-chan, and Hichigo!" She cackled, and started to do to a dance. "I'm helping Kuroneko-sama~! I'm helping Kuroneko-sama~!"

My eyebrows twitched and he picked up Kurohollow, and dropped her out of his window, and slammed it back shut.

Rukia then opened the door of my wardrobe, and asked, "What was that?"

I shrugged, lay back down, and went to my inner world to check on the two idiots.

* * *

><p>A few moments later…<p>

"Hey, King!" Hichigo shouted.

I sat back up and asked, "What is it, hollow?"

Then I saw Kurohollow, and Alexander, standing above me.

"This is revenge, Ichigo!" Kurohollow shouted.

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

Kurohollow and I locked Ichigo up in the room which he'd locked me up before when I did the naked Hokey-Pokey dance.

"Now he won't push me out of the window again," Neko-chan said.

I then found a small little ball, with bits of wires coming out of it, and a red button on it.

I picked it up, and exclaimed, "Neko-chan! I found a bomb!"

She looked at me and asked, "What did you call me?"

"Neko-chan. I found a bomb!"

"DON'T CALL ME NEKO-CHAN! Um, go and set it off at Zangetsu's pole and I'll be going now," She then disappeared.

I shrugged, and sonidoed over to the old man emo pole, and set it off.

* * *

><p>* Skyrim joke that I was talking about. In the game, there are all these soldiers that say, "I used to be a traveller, like you... Until I got an arrow in the knee." So a lot of people are going around doing what "I" just did. Like "I used to like Harry Potter... Until I got an arrow in the knee." or "I used to make good jokes that I made myself... Until I got an arrow in the knee." or "I used to never think of doing a sort of self-insert... Until I got an arrow in the knee."<p>

Next Chapter is the New Year's Eve chapter! It's continuing on with this chapter and Kurohollow's in it again. I'm off to play Skyrim again! Bye bye! Merry Christmas, or Happy Hanukkah!


	17. 2011 Ends With a Big Bang

How far this fic has gone... We're got about... 8 more months until this ends... Let's see... The tally now is-

Ichigo: Six

Hichigo: Seven

Who will win? ... Cough... Only I and another person know.

I don't own Bleach. If I did, I would know Japanese. I clearly don't. All I know is what Bleach taught me.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

"WHY THE HELL DID YOU SET OFF A BOMB?" I roared at my stupid idiotic hollow.

"The lion is awake," Zangetsu said.

"Hey that reminds me of that song!" Hichigo shouted. "Awieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee-,"

"HICHIGO!" I roared at him again, getting even angrier.

"Okay, okay, King!" Hichigo exclaimed, trying not to anger me any further. "I found the bomb, and set it off to destroy Zangetsu's pole!"

"Did you not think that I would be unconscious for about six days?" I asked him.

"Hey, hey, what's all this shouting about?" Somebody asked.

I turned around to see Kurohollow behind me, holding some bottles.

"He," I then jerked my thumb at Hichigo, "set off a bomb that made me conscious for six days!"

"It's only six days," she pointed out. "Forgive and forget, right?"

I glared at Hichigo. "I'll get you back for this."

"Anyway… I GOT SOME CHAMPANGE!" the cat shouted.

"You what?" I asked. "But you're a cat,"

She whacked me on the head with her stave. "I've got this remember?" she then handed me a bottle. "Here, drink up!"

I stared at her stupidly.

"What?" She asked. "I know you're underage to drink, but today can be an exception!"

I shrugged, and uncorked the bottle, and with a pop, it went shooting up into the air.

"I wanna try that!" Hichigo exclaimed.

* * *

><p>A few hours later, we were all drunk. I don't know why Kurohollow wasn't dead yet from drinking, but I think it was her stave again.<p>

We were watching the midnight fireworks, Hichigo had an idea.

"Hey, why don't I destroy Zangetsu's pole with fireworks?" he asked.

We all agreed, me being too drunk to disagree.

"H- *hic* here," Kurohollow said, while giving him a basket filled with fireworks.

Hichigo then excitedly grabbed the basket, and stumbled over to the pole, tripping over a few times. He couldn't even walk in a straight line. The hollow then wrapped the pole with the fireworks, lit up a match, and lit all of the fireworks. He then dashed over back to us, and covered his ears. We all followed him.

Then, the fireworks propelled the pole up into the air. I heard a big bang…

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

… And then the first few fireworks exploded. Melted pole fell from the sky, but thankfully didn't fall on us. We oohed and aahhed at the display.

It wasn't until the end of the fireworks that we realized that King had passed out.

"We gotta *hic* call an ambulance!" Neko-chan exclaimed.

"Do you have *hic* a phone?" Kage-chan asked.

"Yeah, just gimme *hic* a sec," Kurohollow then got out that stick of hers, and a phone appeared in her hand.

"CALL 911!" I shouted.

"N-n-n-*hic*n-nooooo, that's that big country's *hic* number," Neko-chan pointed out. "We're in Jap-*hic*-aaaaaaaaaaannn."

"1... 1... 9..." Kage-chan said.

"*hic* Okay!" She then pushed the numbers in the phone, and held it up to her ear. "Hi, um *hic*, could I get the *hic* ambulance? A friend of mine's *hic* has passed out. And he's not *hic* dead! Where am I? ... Well... *hic* I'M ON THE SIDE OF A BUILDING! A BIG, TALL,*hic* MASSIVE SKYSCRAPER! ... Hello...? *hic... Heeeeeelllooooo... HELLO!... She hung up... Ah, screw this, *hic* I'm goin' to sleep..."

She then curled up into a ball, and slept. Kage-chan and I followed suit.

* * *

><p>A week later...<p>

King kept on muttering that he'll personally murder Neko-chan, Kage-chan, and I. We're not that bad... Are we?

* * *

><p>... *cough*... Anyway, yes, this was short... I'm sorry, but I still had a few days to work with! I just can't find the time to work on fics in the holidays... I know I'm all to blame but... Meh... I'm going to bump this fic up to T, and fiddle with a few things. There will actually be swearing in the fic too. HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!<p>

(Hichigo's now on eight! You could argue that the pole was destroyed by the same means as the bomb, but it depends on what bomb Hichigo used, right?)


	18. Never Give Lots of Chocolate to Ichigo

... Valentine's... No, this is the author's notes, not the actual chapter. And I know I'm a little bit early, but meh. RAISE YOUR HAND IF YOU ARE SINGLE! Anyway... Really, really sorry for the late chapter, I was really lazy, and didn't do anything during my holidays. I hope this makes it up. Btw, because there are many people reading this support different ships, both yaoi, and other, I'm trying to make chapter so everybody can be happy, while trying to keep everybody in character. Plus, when the teacher is talking, I have no idea what they are teaching in Japan, especially in Ichigo's year (which is the last year for high school ((I'm just saying))), so there's just stuff that I'm making up. All of it is made up. So don't take it the wrong way.

I do not own Bleach. I'm a BLACK cat, not a white one. (And just to be safe, I do not own Craig Ferguson.)

Ichigo talking to Hichigo/Zangetsu in his head

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world_

**Zangetsu talking to Ichigo/Hichigo when Ichigo is in real world**

And I've got a new thing, {Third} which means third person, which is centred on no one in particular, but mostly on a specific person, mostly Ichigo. (Pretty much what I was doing before.)

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

I sighed on my way to school. Valentine's Day... The day when people give presents to which they love, or think they do, and all day long, girls are squealing. Sometimes you hear the odd boy.

My teacher, for some reason, made us all make bags for us to sticky tape to our desks, so others can fill them with chocolate. Sure, I love chocolate, but I'm still unenthusiastic about the day. My bag just consisted of my name in pencil.

I'm pretty certain that no one would give me chocolate, except for Tatsuki, who for some reason always gave me chocolate every year.

I was completely wrong. My bag was over flowing. The stuff that didn't fit into the bag was on my desk. Looking at the bag closely, I realized someone had stitched strawberries onto it. It was probably Ishida, that bustard. I then started sifting through the chocolates to see who gave me any.

Okay, here's the first one... Rukia? Does she even know what's going on? ... Why is blood dripping out of it? It also stinks too... It can't hurt to take a peek. As soon as I caught sight of what it was, I quickly shut the box again. It was a real heart. How the hell did she get that?

Next one... Tatsuki... That's hardly surprising.

Next one... Orihime... Uh, okay, maybe she's doing it to be nice.

Next one... Renji... Maybe Rukia told him the wrong thing...

Next one... Ishida? What? What the fuck? I looked over to him, and he just ignored me as per usual. Okay, take a deep breath, and move on...

Next... CHAD? WHAT IS GOING ON HERE? I looked around the classroom, and couldn't find him at all. Maybe someone did it as a joke.

Sigh... Next... Hichigo?

Hey, Hichigo, why do your name on these chocolates?

_Because I loooooooooove yooooooou!_

Okay, you're freaking me out... Wait, there's not a day when do don't freak me out.

_You're such a meanie, King!_

I sighed, and moved on.

... Zangetsu?

Zangetsu, why have you sent me chocolates?

_He said that you like chocolates and thought that now would be a good time to give you them._

I looked at the big heart shaped box in my hands. It doesn't look like that...

Anyway, why are you answering for him? Where is he?

_Off being emo. Hey, King, I'm bored!_

I don't care. I've never cared all the times you've told me that.

_YOU'RE SO MEAN! I WANT MY CHOCOLATES BACK!_

They're mine now. 

Ignoring the shouts and complains that came from the hollow, I sifted through the others. Surprisingly some girls (or what I thought were girls) sent me some as well. I didn't know any of them, mostly because I was terrible with names and faces, but some of them I was quite sure I didn't know at all.

I shrugged and ate some of the chocolates quite wondering what to do with the heart that Rukia gave me.

* * *

><p>{Third}<p>

Ichigo went crazy. He went on what people would call a sugar high, but he didn't go high on candy. This was a chocolate high. Technically he was Hichigo as we all know him.

He managed to dump the heart out of the window when no one was looking, but he still munched on the chocolate.

When class started, he fidgeted, sometimes twitching. At times he played around with his pen and pencils, clicking the top of his pen, which really annoyed others.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

Click

"In Australia," the teacher started. "People ride Kangaroos. They find them on the sides of the roads, jump in their pouch, and tell the kangaroo where to go. However, only the cool kids ride the wombats."

Click-click-click

"They find the wombats in dried up lakes like Lake George," the teacher continued.

Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click

"Kurosaki, will you stop that?" the teacher kindly asked. "Now the wombats just sunbathe on the surface, and there have been cases of the wombats getting cancer because of being in the sun for too long."

Click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click-click

"Kurosaki!" the teacher shouted.

Everybody turned their eyes on me.

I then stopped. I was just bored.

"Thank you," the teacher said, and continued on boring us to death.

"Australian's also having a thing all a Barbie," The teacher told us.

I snickered at the word Barbie. Just sounded too funny.

The teacher glared at me from across the room. Someone's angry. Someone's a biiiiiiiiiiig meanie.

"Barbie is a doll, and if you put your steak on her breasts, she uses "breast power","

I snickered at the word "breast power". Maybe she puts the steak between her boobs and uses them and her own body heat, - because it's a doll, they built in stuff to make her really, really, really, really, warm- and it gets cooked. Too bad midget can't do something like that.

The teacher glared again, but continued on.

I then realized that Rukia wasn't here. Her desk next to mine was empty.

So I shouted, "Where's Rukia?"

The teacher then glared at me and said, "Kurosaki, if you're going to go on like that, I'll make you stand outside."

"Um, excuse me," Tatsuki spoke up. "Shouldn't Ichigo go to the nurse, because something's definitely wrong with him today?"

The teacher nodded and said, "Yes, he has been acting quite strange... Okay then, Ichigo, to the nurse."

"Wha," I started to protest. "I'm not sick! Well, I don't feel sick, just bored!"

The teacher sighed, and said, "Well something's wrong with you, so you have to see her."

"... Okay..." I then shuffled out of the door, and started to make my way to the nurse.

Half way to the nurse's office, I got an idea. I didn't need to go to the nurse, but what I could do was destroy a pole. I had the BEST idea to destroy a pole.

I rushed out of school, and went into my inner world.

"KING!" Shouted Hichigo when I went in. "Why are you here, aren't you meant to be in class, did you bring any chocolates, why is Kage-chan being mean to me?"

"I came here because I'm borrrrrrrrrrrreeeeeeeeeed!" I told him.

"You're such a meanie, King!" he whined back at me. "You don't like me saying it, but why can you say it?"

"Because it's the truth!"

"But I don't lie! Lying is really baaaaaaaaad! Really baaaaaaaaaaaaaad!"

"But you have a huuuuuuuuuge candy mountain! You could eat some of that!"

"That's true, but I'm looking for where Kage-chan's warehouse is! He's not putting out his poles anymore!"

"Come and follow me, I know where it is!"

I led me hollow to where it was and he squealed in delight.

"YAY!" he shouted. "NOW I CAN DESTROY AS MANY AS I WANT!"

"But I get to destroy one myself!" I told him. "I've found a way!"

He then looked at me with glimmering eyes, and demanded, "How?"

"I'm not telling you,"

"MEANIE!"

I stuck my tongue out at him. That got him really frustrated. So he went inside the warehouse, and started raiding the place. I just grabbed one closest to me, and went back to the real world.

* * *

><p>I went to the nearest Coke-cola factory, and asked some random where the metals were that were going to be made into cans. He looked at me weirdly, and pointed to a pile of metal. I shoved the pole in that pile, and walked off, wondering what to do now.<p>

**NOOOO! What are you doing in here!**

_Destroying your poles!_

**But how did you find it?**

_Ichigo told me!_

**Ichigo. Get in here. NOW.**

I shrugged and obeyed him.

"HEY ZANGESTU!" I shouted.

He just frowned at me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine!" I told him.

He then looked over at Hichigo and said, "Did you manage to clone yourself and make it look like Ichigo?"

"Nah, Kage-chan, that is King!" Hichigo said.

"Now Hichigo, how many times have I told you not to lie?"

"But it's the truth!"

Zangetsu then looked over to me and said, "Did Hichigo give you something?"

"Well, he gave me that box of chocolates," I said. "I ate alllllllllll of it! And all the other boxes of chocolate!"

Zangetsu just stared at me blankly. "Hichigo," he said. "You remember the time that you wondered why Ichigo didn't eat chocolate, which we all forgot?"

"Yeah?" Hichigo responded.

Zangetsu then pointed at me, and said, "This is why."

* * *

><p>{Third}<p>

Over back at Karakura High, Uryu wondered why Ichigo was so hyper. Then something caught his eye at the bottom of Ichigo's Valentines bag. It was just a small note. Uryu picked it up and it read,

"Hope you enjoy the chocolates!

Btw the notes on the boxes are just for jokes, but Rukia's isn't mine!

Honest!

Also, do you like your bag?

From your furry little torturer, Kuro-Hollow-Neko

PS

I also wrote those two ones for Hichigo and Zangetsu because they wanted me to.

PPS

I'm giving you chocolate for putting up with all the stuff that I make you do, (and you gotta eat them! Because they are for the next chapter!) not because they're for Valentines. Yes, they're in those boxes, because you can get a lot of cheap chocolate in those boxes at Valentines!"

Who is this person? Uryu wondered. Did they put something in the chocolates?

* * *

><p>Maybe... To be honest, I have no idea how the pole was made into cans. Maybe they melted it down? At least Ichigo is helping the environment. (I know I could've used first character thingy for the first time I used {Third}, but I didn't feel like rewriting it.)<p>

Just in case some of you didn't get it, on Ichigo's character profile thing that Tite did at the very start, Ichigo's favorite food is curry and chocolate. And since we've never seen him react to eating chocolate, this is all what this crazy Ichigo is about.

The tally now is:

Ichigo: Seven

Hichigo: Eight


	19. 50 Feet Under With Midget Clowns

... No, there's no relation to the movie "6 Feet Under" to this chapter's title. I don't think I've seen the series anyway. And this was first titled "50 Feet Under With Midget Clowns" until Zangetsu started saying something about dwarves, and a friend of mine was going on about Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. One thing before I start the chapter. You guys are THE BEST! ONE HUNDRED REVIEWS! I was reading though the reviews the other day, and there is not one criticism AT ALL in the reviews. Now I just gotta figure out what's wrong with the other fics that I write... Oh and a warning, I have no idea what happened with this chapter… Just me and my head…

Just a note: I have nothing against midgets/dwarves. Well, you guys know how my mind works. Really weirdly. But if it was normal/average, I wouldn't be writing this right now. But anyway, I don't have anything against them, I just randomly though of this, and well, wrote it.

I don't own Bleach, nor Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. If I did, Kurotsuchi would be one of the dwarves.

Ichigo talking to Hichigo/Zangetsu in his head

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world_

Zangetsu talking to Ichigo/Hichigo when Ichigo is in real world

_**Other talking to Ichigo/Hichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world**_

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

I groaned in bed when I woke up. If there was such a thing as chocolate hangovers, this is what I am having now. Luckily it's a weekend.

I groaned again because of the throbbing in my head. I tried massaging my temples to help dull it, but it didn't work. Why did I forget that I shouldn't eat too much chocolate? Before on Valentine's it was fine, but because I got so much chocolate, I went overboard.

After a while, I eventually got up, and started inspecting the piece of paper that I wrote on the competition rules on. I had some free time and I knew where Zangetsu's pole warehouse was.

Then I finally came up with an idea, like a light bulb lit up above my head.

"Pole does not have to be fully destroyed; it just can't be used again, or repaired and used by Zangetsu."

I then went to my inner world, grabbed a pole from the warehouse, went back to the real world, shunpoed over to the sea, for it wasn't far from Karakura* and let the pole fall into the sea.

_What is that?_

I sighed while standing above the ocean. Hichigo better not be making more mischief again...

**It looks to be a midget.**

_**I'm not a midget, I'm a dwarf.**_

_It spoke!_

What is going on down there?

_There's a weird little thing that looks like that clown dude!_

**It's a midget clown. **

_**I'm not a midget, I'm a dwarf.**_

How did you get in there?

_**I don't know.**_

I sighed and scratched my head. Those two obliviously did something in there, because they've always managed to make stuff that I have no idea where the materials come from, unless they're stashed in those buildings. But

Okay, I'll be in there in a moment. Don't do anything stupid, Hichigo.

_Why do you think I'll do that?_

Guess.

…_Because you're a meanie? _

Sigh... No. 

…_Can I get a hint? _

Okay, this is one of the reasons; you have a candy mountain.

_How many reasons are there? _

About more than a dozen.

_Okay then... Hmmm... Is it because I'm super awesome? _

Sigh... No. I'm done talking to you.

_**Do they always bicker like this all the time?**_

**Yes.**

* * *

><p>I then made my way back home, with Hichigo, Zangetsu and the midget (not Rukia) talking in my head.<p>

I started to think why the midget was in my head. I mean, we have to get him out somehow, because I didn't partially want another person in my head, because two is too exhausting. But still, why is he in there? I defiantly haven't seen a midget clown before, and he obliviously isn't like Hichigo, and Zangetsu, who are my hollow and the soul of my zanpuckto, and technically, as much as I hate to say it for Hichigo, a part of my soul. But a midget clown out of the blue?

_Ahhhhhhh! There's another one!_

What?

**There's another midget. **

_**It's dwarf.**_

_King, hurry, up! They're scaring me…_

Why are they scaring YOU? I mean you can turn into that monster thing…

_IT'S ALEXANDER!_

Whatever. 

I finally made my way home, and then I entered my inner world.

There were now three. For some reason they reminded me of some weird cartoon that I watched when I was little. I remember it wasn't Japanese…

But these were creepy. If some kid saw them, they would probably cry. Of course they were clowns, so they had the age old white make-up on their faces, with the red smile smeared on, but something about them freaked me out. Maybe it was because they're dwarves? No, that wasn't it. Something about their fake smiles made me feel like they're like when I first fought Hichigo; crazy, and insane, mocking me with laugher and grins. I think it's just me though.

"Okay, so how did you guys get here anyway?"

"We don't know," they all said together.

It surprised me to hear them say the same thing TOGETHER. Are they telepathic?

"KING!" Hichigo shouted, and hugged me.

I dragged him off me while Zangetsu rolled his eyes. The dwarves didn't even move a muscle.

Then another one popped up. What the hell?

"Guys!" He shouted.

"You!" the others shouted.

… Don't they have names?

Then three more dwarves popped up together. There were now seven midget clowns. Seven dwarves…

"There's even more!" Hichigo shouted. "There's one, three, ten, ten—"

"There's seven of them Hichigo," I told him. "Why can't you count?"

"I can count!" He shouted. "Didn't you hear me before?"

"Ichigo," Zangetsu said.

I ignored him, and said, "That wasn't counting, Hichigo. You said ten twice."

"Ichigo!" Zangetsu shouted.

"What?" I asked, while swivelling my head towards him.

The sword then pointed at the midget clowns, and I turned my head towards them.

Hichigo was gone, and the clowns were just standing there, grinning… Creepy…

"Where's Hichigo?" I asked aloud.

"Gone," they all said together.

… The sooner they get out of here, the better.

"Hey, Zang—" I turned around to face Zangetsu, and he was gone too.

"What is going on?" I asked aloud.

"We're taking over your mind," they said.

Then they came at me. They drew short blades, like daggers, but longer. I drew Zangetsu, but they were too fast, even for me. They rolled me up and tossed me in the Prison Room.

Outside the rain fell and it even leaked into here. It filled the room completely. This must be one of the humiliating things that have happened to me…

* * *

><p>*I say this because Tokyo expands out to the coast, and since Karakura is legally on the outskirts of Tokyo. So if Ichigo shunpoed over there it maybe won't take that long? Maybe not, but I usually don't care about what you can really do in real life and what happens in here. Bleach is fiction anyway.<p>

* * *

><p>I promise you guys, next chapter WILL BE a lot funnier. I just can't be bothered to fix this. So hopefully, my brain will be fixed by next chapter. And yes, I'm going on with this, but only (hopefully) for another chapter. I just feel the need to stop at over thousand words.<p>

A reminder! Coming up with different ways to destroy poles is REALLY HARD. Seriously, try it. Go out and write a Poles story. Send them in if you're feeling game, and I may put them up here. I'll even beta the story, even if it's not that great or I'm not thinking of putting it up. Just no romance/yaoi/whatever… Please… Anyway, I was asking around before when I started this fic, and my friends couldn't even come up with half of the stuff I've got. (Then again, a lot of the times the pole has been destroyed are by Bleach means…) So I NEED people to suggest stuff, or I won't last the year limit.

Until then, bye!

And thanks for the reviews! ^_^


	20. Fan Boys and Promises

Thanks for all the suggestions! If you think of anything, don't hesitate, let me know!

To , I have put up a thing on the blurb, or whatever it is, saying no yaoi. I cannot even read yaoi, and frankly, it may ruin the fanfic if I turn it into an IchixHichi one. I'm sure there's some other yaoi somewhat similar to this. I hope you understand.

I AM SORRY! I just got caught up in assignments, and I'm going to Melbourne in Australia, and then I'm going to Italy, and England… So I don't know if I can post the Easter chapter up on Easter, but I'll try to work something out! You guys may get it early. ^_^

And on a side note, my I key is stuffing up… Hopefully it won't break…

I don't own Bleach.

* * *

><p><span>Ichigo talking to HichigoZangetsu in his head

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world_

Zangetsu talking to Ichigo/Hichigo when Ichigo is in real world

_**Other talking to Ichigo/Hichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world**_

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

… Well this is just great…

I've been captured by seven evil midget clowns…

After all I've been though, midget clowns managed to take me down.

I mean, I saved Rukia after battling my way through tons of shinigami, and Orihime after fighting the arrancar, defeated Aizen, and Ginjo. In a way, it's not fair. I wonder where Hichigo and Zangetsu went.

Are they really gone?

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

"ACHOOOOOO!" I sneezed while sitting up bolt right.

What the- I thought while looking around. I'm not in King's inner world anymore. I'm in his room in the real world!

"YES!" I shouted while jumping up. "I've escaped! I'M NO LONGER IN KING'S CONTROL!"

"Stop shouting," said an emoish voice.

I looked down to see that it was Kage-chan, sitting on the floor.

"I've waited forever for this moment!" I shouted. "I can't wait to taste all the candy here!"

"But haven't you been out before?" Kage-chan pointed out.

"But I had a time limit then, and now I can do whatever I want, and not even KING - no, now it's Ichigo – can stop me!"

"I will," Kage-chan said.

"WHY?" I whined.

"Because we have to help Ichigo,"

"Nope, I'm not helping that meanie again!"

"Sigh… What can I do to make you to make you help?"

"Nothing will! Farewell, Kage-chan!"

I started to walk out of Kin-Ichigo's room, and almost grasped the knobby thingy to open the door, when Zangetsu proposed something. I turned my face towards him, with a huge grin on my face. This was an opportunity that I just couldn't ignore.

* * *

><p>{Zangetsu}<p>

As soon as I saw his trademark grin, I knew Ichigo would probably kill me for saying it. But I had no other choice.

Hang on, Ichigo!

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

I opened my eyes to see all the seven midgets standing above me, all plastered with huge smiles on their faces. I was about to get up, when I felt the chains around my wrists and ankles.

Oh shit.

I pulled on the chains, hoping that they would break. No success there.

Not good. Not good at all.

I pulled harder, and gritted my teeth when they wouldn't break. All the while, the midget clowns just stared down at me.

Then there was a pop and a bang, and all these lights came on. Hichigo came out, with… a rainbow afro on his head, and Zangetsu came out opposite of him, also wearing the same monstrosity on his head.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!" All of them shouted, including the midget clowns.

"You idiots!" I roared at them. "My birthday's in July!"

"Oh yeah," Hichigo said, realizing his mistake.

Then something hit me on the forehead.

* * *

><p>My eyes snapped open to see that I had actually floated into the wall, while I was dreaming. Hichigo was right, sleeping underwater does suck.*<p>

Then the door of the Prison Room opened, and the midget clowns were somehow standing in the doorway.

"You're coming with us, Ichigo," they all said together.

Great.

* * *

><p>{Hichigo}<p>

Zangetsu and I went over to the cane dude's place, because we had no idea where K- Ichigo's friends were, and it would be the best idea to go to him. Luckily through Ichigo's memories, I remembered where the place was. I lead Zangetsu to where, with him carrying Ichigo's body on his back.

When we got to the place, Zangetsu just knocked on the door, opened it and stepped through.

"Welcome, Hichigo-san, and Zangetsu-san!" the cane dude said when we came in. "What do you two, well three want?"

"We want you to put us back in Ichigo's inner world," Zangetsu said.

* * *

><p>{Ichigo}<p>

I swam out of the Prison Room, and something hard hit the back of my head.

Those bastards… Using… Stuff… like that…

The next moment I woke up in chains. The first step of that weird dream came true. Though, I doubt that Zangetsu would even wear a rainbow afro. He's too emo for that.

I breathed in, and it tasted quite… sweet. I know air doesn't really taste like anything, but I AM underwater… But wait, if I'm underwater then Hichigo's candy stash is underwater…

… Can midget clowns become hyper?

… Let's just hope that they won't turn out like Hichigo…

Then I heard a door open, and footsteps. Here they are…

"Why are you guys doing all of this?" I asked them. "What do you want?"

"… Guess," they all said.

"… You want Hichigo's candy mountain?" I guessed.

"Why?" they asked.

"That's what I'm asking you," I said. "I mean you didn't have to drag him out of here and put me in chains to have it. I don't really care, just as long as he doesn't start building bombs again."

"That's not what we want," they said.

"Then… what is it?" I asked.

"We want… To know if you're gay," they said.

"WHAT?" I exclaimed.

"We're fan boys wondering if you're actually gay," they said.

"HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO SAY THAT I'M NOT GAY!" I roared, feeling the tips of my ears burn.

"KING, WE'RE BACK!" Hichigo shouted. He then saw the clown dwarves and shouted, "Die evil midgets!"

He then turned into that weird monster thing, and began charging up a cero, and then roared, "ALEXANDER POW!" And blew the dwarves to smithereens.

"What did the midgets want anyway?" Zangetsu asked while getting off my chains.

"Beats me," I lied.

"Hey, what's that taste?" Hichigo as "Alexander" asked.

"I don't know," I said. "How did you guys get here anyway?"

"THE SANDAL HAT DUDE!" Hichigo shouted.

"You have to be his slave for a week," Zangetsu said.

"WHAT?" I shouted.

"Otherwise we wouldn't get back in!" Hichigo shouted.

"Why did you want to come back anyway?" I asked the hollow.

"Because Zangetsu promised me something!" He shouted.

"And what was it?"

"NOT TELLING!"

Sigh… Sometimes I just want to kill my hollow…

"Urahara would be waiting for you," Zangetsu said.

I sighed and left the inner world.

After working some brutal hours in Urahara's shop, I got an idea about the pole competition.

"Hey Urahara, could you destroy a pole for me?" I asked hm.

"Why would you want me to destroy a pole?" He asked.

"Um, well… I'm holding a competition with my hollow to see how many poles we can destroy with multiple different ways," I explained.

"And what will I get in return?" He asked.

"… More candy," I said.

"Okay!" He said.

I then went back to my inner world to snatch some of Hichigo's candy, and noted that the place wasn't underwater again. When I was sneaking over to the candy stash, I heard,

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

… It sounded like Hichigo.

I peeked in there to see what was going on, and I saw a big soggy mass of candy, and Hichigo desperately licking the mountain. … Maybe I should just buy the candy…

After buying some candy, I then went back to the shop, and gave him it.

"Right, now where's this pole?" he asked.

I then got him the pole, and he destroyed it, using one of his sword techniques.

He then started sucking on the candy and said, "Right, you can go home now."

I sighed. Today was a long day… I hope dad doesn't get annoyed that I'm late again… Maybe I should get him to destroy the pole sometime…

* * *

><p>*In some illustrated guide to shinigami which I can't be bothered to find, Hichigo complains about Ichigo's inner world being underwater, as, "… you don't know where you're going to end up when you wake up…".<p>

* * *

><p>Okay, I used another gay joke, but I just couldn't resist… Sorry… On a plus side, ALEXANDER IS BACK! Thanks soooooo much for the suggestions! It really helps to continue on the story. But sorry, Poles is set after the whole Espada thing, and the only reason that Ulqui came back was mah stave. So try to avoid Espadas.<p>

And the pole tally is now…

Ichigo: Nine

Hichigo: Eight


	21. April Fools!

Sorry I was late guys! I went over to Melbourne to do some racing for dragon boating (I won a medal too!)! And straight after that I went to England and Italy! I didn't bring my laptop anyway, so I couldn't have posted it up. Sorry! I'll also be posting up the Easter chapter soon, so be patient!

Ichigo talking to Hichigo/Zangetsu in his head

_Hichigo talking to Ichigo/Zangetsu when Ichigo is in real world_

**Zangetsu talking to Ichigo/Hichigo when Ichigo is in real world**

**_TV speech_  
><strong>

* * *

><p><em>Hey King!<em> Hichigo asked me when I was doing my homework.

**What?**

_THERE'S A HUGE MONSTER IN HERE!_

**Really?**

_APRIL FOOLS!_

**...**

_Hey, King!_

**What now?**

_Zangetsu's cutting himself!_

**Really?**

_APRIL FOOLS!_

**Stop annoying me, you stupid hollow.**

_ Meanie!_

I sighed and continued on doing my homework.

* * *

><p>A few hours later...<p>

SHUT UP AND GO WORK ON YOUR CANDY MOUNTAIN!

**Is he annoying you too, Zangetsu?**

Can we put him in the Torture Room?

_NO, NO ,NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO ,NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO ,NO, NO, NO, NO -_

Fine, we won't put you in the room, only if you stop annoying us.

**But Zangetsu, it won't work...**

_YAAAAYYYYY!_

Then Rukia slammed the wardrobe open, and shouted, "There's a hollow coming!"

I jumped up, knocking my chair down, and exclaimed, "What?"

"APRIL FOOLS!" She shouted.

I just glared at her.

She just said, "Loosen up a little, Ichigo," and closed the door.

I sighed. "I probably would if I didn't have the hollow in my head..."

_Meanie!_

* * *

><p>A few minutes later...<p>

Ichigo, he's doing it again, and refusing to go in there.

_Noooo, Nooooo, Noooooo, Nooooooo!_

**Fine, I'll help you...**

I then went into my inner world, and saw Zangetsu, trying to push Hichigo, into the Torture Room. Hichigo had all his arms and legs spread out, which prevented him from entering the door way.

"I won't go in! I won't go!" The hollow shouted.

I then mysteriously found a piece of candy on the floor. I then picked it up and threw it in the room, and Hichigo dashed after it. Zangetsu and I then slammed the door on him and locked it tight. There was then slamming on the door from the hollow and we ignored it.

"... Can I destroy another pole of yours?" I asked my Zanpuckto.

"Just go to the warehouse again..." Zangetsu sighed and walked off.

I just shrugged and went over there.

While getting out a pole, I wondered how I could destroy another pole...

* * *

><p>The next day...<p>

_**In totally unrelated news, a flag pole has been found in the middle of the local resident Karakura swimming pool, with the words "April Fools Day!" on the flag hanging from the pole. Local residents have no idea how it got there, and other people are saying this is an April Fools prank gone too far...**_

Why should they be so uptight about it? It's a nice decoration. And it's a good hiding spot for someone who lives in my head.

* * *

><p>Short, but the chapter is done. Btw hiding the pole does count, because how can Zangetsu use it again if he can't find it?<p> 


End file.
